


Song of Life

by MythGirl02



Series: SoL-verse [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Family, Fankids - Freeform, M/M, Multiple original characters - Freeform, Which is Understandable, but it's second longest, everyone is a mess, for the record, i love my fankids so much, no longer my longest fic ever, so that counts for something, supermarket flowers by ed sheeran, the song for this would be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-08-20 02:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 61,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20220343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MythGirl02/pseuds/MythGirl02
Summary: After the death of her mother, Mei goes to live down the street with her dads. Based off of a prompt I received, fankid-centric.





	1. Down We Fall

I should've been expecting something to happen. All day I have the feeling that something was off, and the downpour of rain outside isn't helping. The already gloomy atmosphere introduces a whole twist of knots into my stomach. But I go to school anyway, even though I can barely pay attention to anything, not even what my teachers were saying. It's a good thing I don't have any tests or quizzes today, or I'll fail them for sure.

I'm jittery all morning, something I'm not normally. My teachers have to ask me multiple times to stop tapping my pencil against my desk, but I can't help it. I feel like something is constantly tugging at the back of my mind, a feeling I can't shake. The only things I don't know are what the feeling is and what it's called.

Hikari, my best friend, can tell that something is off. She knows the entire situation- our parents are close enough for her to know everything. I refuse to talk to her about this, though; all information she got was from her parents, secondhand information. It's not that I don't trust her; I would trust her with my life. I just don't want to talk about it at all. Maybe if I don't talk about it and ignore the problem, it would miraculously go away. Wishful thinking, I know.

"Mei, talk to me. You know you can," Hikari keeps telling me over lunch. The noise of our classroom blurs in the background, leaving her words the only ones I can hear. We've known each other for as long as we both could remember. Hikari practically knows me better than I know myself. And yet, I'm still keeping my feelings away from her. It makes me feel awful, but I don't want to burden her with everything. I can handle this alone, without anyone's help.

Or so I keep telling myself.

"I know" is my constant response. It's never accompanied with a smile like it normally would be. I feel like I haven't smiled in weeks.

The dread and anticipation keeps building inside me, bubbling and making me sick to my stomach. The smell of the rain mixing with my lunch doesn't help at all. I barely eat anything at all, even though Aunt Erika was kind enough to make me lunch. Hikari looks at me with concern laced in her eyes, but doesn't say anything. She's too soft-spoken to directly say anything about it. She probably doesn't even know what to say, and I can't blame her. I wouldn't either.

Right after lunch is math class. Especially then, I'm out of it. Math is my favorite class, and yet I can barely concentrate enough to copy down the notes. It's a miracle I even got my homework done last night. My eyes don't stray from my paper. The words and numbers blur together, hardly distinguishable. Why can't I concentrate? This isn't like me. I'd usually be done with the entire worksheet by now.

My grip on my pencil tightens as I try to focus on one of the problems. This is just simple polar coordinates, nothing I can't handle. I know that I know this. Plot the point (3, 5π/6). Easy. Name three other names for that point. I can handle that, it's not too difficult. Translate it into rectangular coordinates. Simple, really, if I can only remember how to work through this problem.

Point (3, 5π/6) is also (3, -7π/6) and (-3, 11π/6) and (-3, π/6). Or is it (-3, -π/6)? Slow down, going clockwise is negative and counterclockwise is positive. Or is it the opposite? How do I translate that to rectangular?

"Mei."

If r2=x2+y2, then r=√x+y, right? That makes sense, doesn't it?

"Mei!"

I just need to focus, then I can finish this problem and start the next one. Methodical work like this is all I need. No matter if I'm already a couple questions behind-

"Mei Akamatsu!"

My head snaps up as my math teacher's voice booms across the room. All of my classmates are looking at me with mixed expressions; some are holding in laughter at my distractedness. Among them is Hikari, giving me a look that says _I tried to call you before she did._

I gulp down my anxiety and meet my teacher's eyes. "Yes?"

He gestures at one of the secretaries from the main office, who's standing at the front of the room with her. I didn't even notice her come in. What else didn't I notice? "Please go with Ms. Suzuki. Bring your books with you."

My classmates' eyes remain on my as I rise slowly from my seat, collecting my work and slinging my bag onto my shoulder. The bubble of dread worsenes, almost making me want to throw up. I've never been called to the headmaster's office before. Hikari's eyes don't leave my back as I follow Ms. Suzuki out of the room; I can feel them the entire way. It barely registers in the back of my mind that my teacher didn't tell me what the homework is for the night. Hikari will let me know later, I'm sure. I refuse to be behind in my work.

Ms. Suzuki brings me into the office, holding the door open for me since my hands are full of notebooks and papers. The window is open just a crack, letting in the scent of fresh rain that does nothing more than worsen my nausea. "Please take a seat," she says, sliding into her desk chair. The other secretary is at her own desk, trying not to pay attention to the two of us. "Your fathers should be here any minute to pick you up."

"My dads? Did they say why?" Even hearing the vagueness of Ms. Suzuki's words sent my stomach plummeting even further. I'm dangerously close to panicking now. This could be for any number of reasons, good or bad. I hope desperately that it's the former, but I can't think of any other reason than the latter.

Ms. Suzuki's lips form a thin line, but a shade of pity enters her eyes, one that I detest. This is why I never told anyone about this except for Hikari and Tadaaki. "I was not told the details. Please sit tight."

This is it, then. I know what that means, and I know my dads wouldn't pick me up in the middle of the day for a routine visit. I fold my hands on my lap after putting my notebooks away to stop them from shaking. The only thing I can focus on now is the clock on the wall opposite me. The seconds tick past slowly, turning into minutes, though they feel like hours. The rain pounding on the roof is an interesting backdrop to my fears creeping up on me. Any other day, it may have been soothing. This proverbial race against the clock leaves me physically exhausted.

My heart nearly leaps into my throat when the door opens, revealing my stepdad's short figure. Ms. Suzuki gestures him over to properly sign me out, but I'm already on my feet with my bag and umbrella, ready to leave as soon as possible. I know exactly where we're going, and I want to get there quickly.

Kokichi barely says a word in the office, but I can see that the usual cheerfulness in his expression is all but gone. I want so much to ask what's wrong, but I dread the answer. I already know the answer.

"Do you have everything you need?" I nod mutely, noting that Kokichi's voice sounds dull, not light and bubble as it usually does. It's unnatural, and I hate it. "Good. Shuichi's waiting for us in the car."

My umbrella covers both of us on the way out. Kokichi must've forgotten his own, because his long purple hair is already damp and dripping from the rain. My eyes connect with Dad's as I climb into the car. His hands are gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white. That does nothing to calm my own nerves, but I don't dare say anything. Knowing the destination and what's likely waiting for us tells me everything I need to know.

The hospital is only twenty minutes from school, but the silence makes it stretch out impossibly long. I'm used to my dads chatting about any little thing, cracking jokes and having a good time. Then again, I'm also used to my mom being with us. Silence makes everything seem that much more tense.

My hands are still quivering in my lap, the tremors increasing the closer we get. I don't lift my gaze off of them, silently willing them to stay still, but they protest each time. My nerves don't even get this bad before concerts, but circumstances like this will do that to me. I think the last time they shook this much was four months ago.

I barely wait for Dad to park completely to jump out of the car, dragging my backpack with me. I never even set it down in the car. I need to get in, I need to run, now. I don't bother to open my umbrella, letting the rain fall on me and drench me.

Dad and Kokichi catch up with me before I can get past the reception desk. At this point, all of my muscles are tense, waiting to spring me forward at a moment's notice. I wouldn't be taken out of school if something isn't wrong; I usually visit after school. The receptionist's words don't register with me apart from the number I already have memorized. Room 211. Hospice section.

If it wasn't for Dad's hand firmly on my shoulder, and Kokichi at my other side, I would've sprinted the whole way there. The only control I have right now is focused on tugging the straps of my backpack, tightening and loosening them over and over and over and over.

"Mom's okay, right?" The words slip off my tongue before we can see the sign for the right hallway. I wish we could pick up the pace a little more than a tentative speed walk. My voice sounds small, like I haven't talked in weeks. Maybe I haven't.

There's silence for another moment before Dad sighs. "I don't think- I don't know. Your aunt just called us to pick you up and come over." His voice is shaking as much as my hands are. No doubt this puts an unhealthy amount of stress on him and Kokichi as well. But I catch the stammer in his words. I know what this means.

I can see Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori already inside through the door's window, but they're blurry background images as soon as I step in the room. All I can see now is Mom laying on the hospital bed- not her bed- with her eyes barely open.

I panic. I drop my backpack near the door and shrug out from under Dad's grip, getting to the bedside as fast as I can. "Mom, you're okay, right? You're going to be okay, aren't you?"

Mom tries managing a weak smile, but it looks more akin to a grimace. Her hair has lost its luster in the past couple months, and is limp instead of voluminous now. She looks nothing like she used to, like she _should. Damn it,_ why does she not look like she used to? "Mei, you know I'll always love you, right?" Her voice is horribly soft and weak, barely audible at this point. I can tell that she's pushing to get that much out.

"Mom, don't- don't say things like that, you're going to be fine, aren't you?" My throat feels like it's closing just listening to her. I'm used to her always having a bit of positivity to share, always something to say to lift my spirits. This is not my mom, it can't be. My mom would never give up so easily.

A few beats pass. "Not this time." I choke back a sob as Mom struggles to continue. How is it that I can feel so sad and angry at the same time? This shouldn't be happening, I shouldn't be here, she shouldn't be here. None of this should've happened. "Mei, remember the recordings I made you?" I can't speak, so I nod, reaching out to take Mom's hand. Her grip is weak, but at least it's still there. _For now._ "Keep those with you."

All of my CDs are back in my room at home, stacked in a box in my closet. I don't listen to them often, but that's because Mom plays live music so much that I don't need to. Why listen to a recording when I can hear it live, and sometimes even play along?

Now I guess I won't have a choice between a live performance and recordings.

Tears slip down my cheeks as I draw my thumb back and forth over the back of Mom's hand, this one free of IVs. I didn't think I'd have to say goodbye so soon after the diagnosis; it's only been four months. Mom wanted to fight, and she did for the first few months, but nothing slowed this stupid disease down. There was nothing any doctor could do but get her comfortable and let us know when it's time to say goodbye. Just like it is now.

Mom looks past me, looking at my dads. "Shuichi, Kokichi. Take care of her?"

"Of course." Dad sounds like he's moments away from crying himself. He's never been one to hide his feelings, but I can tell he's struggling to try now.

"You know, Kaede, you were never boring. I'll miss that." Even Kokichi sounds like he's struggling to keep himself from crying, even though I know he has no problem spouting crocodile tears whenever I beat him in a game. Ironic how the tables have turned, from game-playing to this.

Aunt Erika comes forward, taking Mom's other hand gingerly. "Love you, sis," she chokes out. Her eyes are already red, and I realize how much both of them have changed. Usually they look so much like each other, but now Mom's face is sunken, thin, and Aunt Erika's is thick with tears.

"Love you, too." Mom's eyelids slowly slide shut. Her hands are cool, not warm like they usually are, and her grip slips away. A few more shallow breaths and she's gone.

I hear Aunt Erika start to cry more, and in the corner of my eye I see Dad sit on one of the small couches in the room. He hides his face in his hands. Uncle Hatori embraces Aunt Erika from behind as Kokichi slips out of the room. Beyond that, I'm numb to everything. I can barely breathe myself, my throat is so choked up. My vision blurs as tears build up, and I try to keep them in, I really do. Still they fall, staining the pale blue sheets an ugly dull shade.

I must stay there for a while; I don't know the exact amount of time. At one point, Kokichi comes back with a nurse. She has me get up and away from Mom, and guides me so I'm sitting on the couch where Dad was just moments before. I don't feel like my movements are my own. It's like an out-of-body experience, or like I'm not the one moving at all. The nurse starts talking to the adults, and maybe I should've paid more attention, but all of my concentration is thrown out the window, drowning in the pouring rain. This can't actually be happening. This is a dream, isn't it? A nightmare, more like.

Back when Mom was first admitted two weeks ago, I read up on hospice care. The calming colors, furnishings, features to make it feel like a home, do nothing for me. Every single time I come, I can't help thinking about how fake it all feels. This isn't her home. This isn't where Mom is supposed to be, and this isn't how Mom is supposed to die. This isn't when Mom is supposed to die. She shouldn't be dead.

I hear Dad and Kokichi offer to take me to their house for the night, to let Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori get some rest before everything has to be taken care of, but I still end up going home with them. Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori are both staying at my house, have been since Mom was admitted, and I need to be in my own room. Well, I have my own room at Dad's house, but it's not the same, not right now.

Throughout the car ride home, I'm quaking. My phone is blowing up with messages and missed calls from Hikari and Tadaaki, and I know that if they keep it up they'll both get in trouble for ignoring their classes and having their phones on them during school. Tadaaki especially, since he probably only knows because Hikari texted him. His parents probably don't even know he has his phone; the thought crosses my mind that he's supposed to be grounded. I turn my phone off swiftly after that. It's not like I can respond with my hands shaking so badly, anyway.

I walk right past Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori and collapse on my bed as soon as I get into my room. Any appetite I might've had on a normal day is gone, though it's only two in the afternoon. My bag is dropped on the floor, and I stuff my face into my pillow as more tears fall from my eyes. I can't hear anything in the house apart from my own sniffling, which would've been okay, but I need background noise. I don't care where it comes from. I can't be in more silence.

It takes me a few minutes, but I manage to push myself off of my bed. I feel like a zombie as I go into my closet and take out the box containing Mom's CDs. None of them are marked apart from the date she recorded them, so I choose a random one from the stack and pop it into my CD player. Back on the bed I go after pressing play. The opening strains of Clair de Lune, of one Mom's favorites to listen to and play, circle around me. It's supposed to be a calming piece, but now it feels more mournful than anything.

I squeeze my eyes shut, hot tears rolling sideways down my face and onto my hair and pillow. I'm unsure how long it takes- maybe a minute, maybe an hour- but eventually I tire myself out and fall into an uneasy sleep.

I wake up several times throughout the night, almost at even intervals- once or twice an hour. I can't count how many times I replay my CD, always falling asleep before Clair de Lune ends and the next piece begins. I feel sick, sick enough that I can't bring myself to go into the bathroom on the chance that I throw up. And I know, chances are I will if I even try to get up. I toss and turn, but I can't get comfortable. Maybe it would be better if I just stop trying to sleep.

But eventually, I do have the window of opportunity to get consistent sleep. I know it won't be restful, not by a longshot, but it's all I have. So I listen to the first few measures once more, the fifth or sixth time, and close my eyes, ready to at least stay asleep.

X-X-X

"Mama, what this word mean?" Little Mei pointed at a word in the picture book Kaede was reading to her. It was still light outside her window, and the lamp on next to Kaede is redundant, but it's on anyway.

"Beautiful?" Even at three, Mei already enjoyed learning new things, and Kaede couldn't be happier to support that. "It means really, really pretty." To put it in words she would understand, at least.

Mei nodded, her soft blond hair brushing against Kaede's arm. "So the moon is boo-ti-ful?"

"It is." She couldn't help but smile at Mei's pronunciation of the word.

"And flowers are boo-ti-ful?"

"They are."

Mei screwed her face up, likely thinking of more things that could count as beautiful. After a moment, her expression lights up. "Mama, your music is boo-ti-ful."

She laughed, brushing Mei's hair behind her shoulder so it wouldn't get in the way of their reading. "Thank you, Mei. But don't ever forget-" She cut herself off, snaking her hand behind Mei's back so she could tickle her from the other side. Mei's bubbly laughter fills the air, and Kaede laughs along with her. "You, my dear, are the most beautiful of all."

Mei grinned up at her, her eyes bright and happy. Kaede closed the picture book, stretching as best as she can. "And now, beautiful, it's time for bed."

"Aww." She pouted as Kaede put the picture book on the nightstand. But she snuggled under her covers as Kaede adjusted them for her. "Night, Mama."

Kaede kissed her forehead gently and turned off the lamp, leaving just a tiny bit of light from the window after she closes the shade. She could tell that Mei was already falling asleep. "Good night, Mei. I love you."

"Love...you…"

She shut the door quietly behind her, not wanting to disturb her daughter. She still had a few hours until she would go to bed herself, but she knew that she would only be watching the news until then. Fine by her, actually, since she would have the opportunity to call Erika and her parents like she did every night. Depending on how much time she had, she might be able to call one or two of her friends, who were interested in how she and Mei were doing.

She looked back at Mei's room once more, her lips quirking up into a smile. They were all eager to know more about Mei, since Kaede was the first of their high school class to have a child. And honestly, she wouldn't have it any other way. Mei truly was one of the best things that's ever happened to her.


	2. After

Nothing about the next morning feels right. The sun is warm and shining too early, even though it's already October at this point and it should really be getting colder like it was yesterday. The smell of breakfast fills the air, and I almost believe that it's Mom cooking before remembering why that can't be. My stomach is still clenched, and I know right away that I'm not going to be able to eat anything.

Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori are in the kitchen, Aunt Erika staring into a cup of tea while Uncle Hatori cooks up a couple of omelets using the eggs and veggies that need to be used from the fridge. They both look like they didn't sleep a wink. I know that feeling well, now, since the most consistent sleep I had was only four hours long.

None of us speak for a long time. We move like zombies, slowly and without much accuracy. My eyes burn when I blink, thanks to crying so much. Now, though, I'm not sure if I could cry, even if I want to. I grab a glass of water, staying out of Uncle Hatori's way, and retreat to my room again.

For the first time since yesterday afternoon, I turn my phone on. As it turns out, Hikari left fifty-odd texts and about ten voicemails, all of them stopping abruptly around six in the evening. Tadaaki left around the same amount, but his stopped earlier. Their parents likely told them to give me some space if I wasn't answering, but now I really have to.

I dial Hikari's number without a second thought. I'm not even sure if I can use my voice right now, but just hearing Hikari talk is all I need.

Hikari picks up before the first ring ends. "Mei, what's going on? My moms have been crying since I woke up and they won't tell me anything. Are you okay?" She sounds frantic, nearing hyperventilation. I understand the feeling.

"I…" I'm right; my throat is dry and feels like sandpaper. I take a sip of water, but it barely seems to help. All the words I can say fail me in the moment. Even if I don't say anything, Hikari's parents will tell her eventually.

"Talk to me, Mei."

The one thing I'm asked to do, I can't. I would hang up, but I need to hear Hikari talk more. With another swallow, feeling the tightness of my throat, I try again. "My mom."

"Your-" Hikari cuts herself off, and the line goes quiet for a moment. "Oh. Oh, no, Mei…" She trails off, and I can hear her start to cry as well. Hikari loved Mom so much, but I didn't tell her how Mom had gotten worse in the last week. She didn't need that on her mind. Still doesn't. "I'm so sorry. Do you need me to do anything?"

"Not now." I assume that it was Dad who let Hikari's moms know last night. They all went to high school together, with Tadaaki's parents as well, so it's not a far-off theory. Just thinking about letting people know that Mom is dead makes everything so much more real.

In the background, I hear the door open and Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori talk to someone. I can't think of anyone it could be other than my dads. "I have to go. My dads are here."

Hikari swallows hard enough that I can hear it over the phone. "Okay. Call me later?"

"I'll try." I hang up, tossing my phone face-down on my bed. I can't promise myself that I'll be able to look at my dads and not cry immediately, but I can try. No matter what, I _have_ to try.

Carefully, I open my door, poking my head out. I have a clear view of the kitchen from there, but none of the adults notice me. They're too busy talking low enough that I can't hear. There's so much going on, though; I feel like I won't be able to concentrate if I try.

The small shrine we have in the living room is closed, covered with white paper. The last time this happened was when my grandparents died, though I can barely remember that; I was only six then. Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori probably already put the small table with flowers and a candle next to Mom's bed. I don't dare look.

I step out of my room for the second time today, still as quiet as possible. Kokichi notices me first; he's taking the least part in the conversation. He slips out from the small circle they're in and approaches me. "Did you get enough sleep?"

"I guess." My eyes focus on the closed shrine, a fixated point that my eyes normally gloss over. Now it's one of the only things I can notice every detail about. "What's everyone talking about?"

"Funeral arrangements." Kokichi shifts his weight from foot to foot. "I don't feel like it's my place to help with this. It really should be up to Erika and Shuichi."

Right. The funeral will take place fairly soon, as will the wake. Just thinking about it makes my stomach lurch, and I feel yet again like I'm going to throw up here and now. "Um. When are they thinking?"

"Two days, I think." His gaze drops to the floor. The momentary silence is thick with awkwardness. Usually we have no shortage of things to talk about. Now, it seems like any topic will just produce mindless smalltalk.

I look down at the clothes I fell asleep in, all wrinkled and disheveled. "I should get dressed," I say by way of dismissal, and turn to go back into my room. Maybe I expect Kokichi to try to stop me, but it doesn't happen.

I take as long as humanly possible to take my clothes out of my closet and put them on- though part of this is unintentional. My body feels heavy, unwilling to move no matter how much I will it to. I'd rather not listen to Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori and Dad make funeral arrangements.

The most I shrug on is a pair of slightly worn jeans and one of Mom's old sweatshirts from when she was in high school. It's a bit big on me- I'm still not as tall as Mom- but it's soft and smells like her. Just that simple factor is a comfort, like I'm in one of Mom's hugs.

I check my phone once more as I pull my brush deliberately through my hair, stalling for as long as possible. Tadaaki texted me a couple more times, despite his grounding, and Hikari sent me a couple pictures, but other than that, there's nothing new. The brush catches on a couple knots- no surprise there. My hair never really liked me to begin with.

By the time I finish, it's been fifteen minutes, which I still feel to be too little time. I tidy a couple little things on my desk, straighten my bed, dust off a couple pictures I have hanging up. This is the most cleaning I've done in a while, which maybe is a bit pathetic. If Hikari's mom, Aunt Kirumi, saw my room, she'd have an aneurism.

Maybe I should go over there sometime soon. This is one of those times I could really use their guidance- both Hikari and Hikari's moms. They're like second and third mothers to me, and always have the best advice. I could probably shoot Hikari a quick text, leave a note for Aunt Erika, and sneak out if I really want to. It would probably be good to get out for a while anyway.

Before I can, though, a knock comes from my door. Reluctantly, I pull the door open, revealing Dad and Aunt Erika. "What?"

"Do you want to come eat something?" Dad starts off. He always was a bit of a worrier at times, but I've gotten used to that over the years. I shake my head.

"Mei, at least come out of your room. We need to talk." Aunt Erika holds out her hand for me to take, but I ignore it and push past her instead. I'm being a bit rough, but I can't help it. It still feels like I'm not in control of my movements.

They follow me out to the kitchen, where Uncle Hatori and Kokichi still are. They talk in low voices about something or other, who knows what. "So? What did you want to talk to me about?"

All too quickly, there's silence. Four pairs of eyes dart around, like nobody wants to be the one to tell me. So many emotions are mixed in the room, and I feel like I'm drowning in them.

Finally, it's Aunt Erika who breaks the silence. "You know that your uncle and I aren't going to be staying here for much longer."

"Right." I don't see the problem quite yet, though it's staring me right in the face.

"So we think it would be best if you moved in with Shuichi and Kokichi full time."

That realization slaps me in the face, hard. It's not like I haven't stayed over with my dads sometimes when Mom had to go somewhere without me. Hell, sometimes I even stayed over for a "sleepover" on random weekends. I have my own room in their house. But just the thought of not staying here, in the house I grew up in for as long as I can remember, made me freeze up.

"I...what?" I blink a couple times, looking around at everyone. Is now really the best time to spring this on me?

"You'll be living with us." Dad moves slightly so he can take Kokichi's hand, maybe to stop his own from shaking. That's something I got from him, I suppose.

Too much information, all at once. I still haven't fully accepted that Mom is dead, and they expect me to be ready to move in with my dads full-time? Leave the house where I have all of the memories of Mom? Ridiculous.

I don't say anything as I turn and walk out of the kitchen. Uncle Hatori tries calling me, but I cut him off. "I'm going on a walk," I say, and shut the front door behind me. If they know what's good for everyone, nobody will follow me.

The streets are bare as far as I can see. The trees lining the sidewalk shake in the breeze, their vibrant colors cutting my vision. A few already fell, crushed beneath my sneakers. The path I'm taking is so familiar to me, I barely have to look at it. I can escape into my mind and trust that my feet can bring me to my destination.

Of course, I'm right about that. My mind is blank on the way to Hikari's house. I only snap back to reality as her house comes into view, the single flower bush in front of it nearly bare.

The door opens before I can even ring the doorbell, but instead of Hikari, it's Aunt Miu. "Hey, kid. Your dad thought you might be coming." It's hard not to notice the red rimming her eyes, but Aunt Miu steps aside nonetheless. "C'mon."

Hikari's other mom, Aunt Kirumi, is right inside as well, already pouring three cups of tea. "Good morning, Mei. Tea?"

"Thank you." I take one of the cups Aunt Kirumi holds out, blowing off the steam. I notice again the three cups as Aunt Miu picks one up for herself. "Where's Hikari?"

"School, of course. It's Friday." Aunt Kirumi is quieter than usual as she speaks. I completely lost all sense of time. A quick glance at the clock tells me it's only nine; school started an hour ago. Aunt Erika must've called me in sick.

Aunt Miu sips her tea, even though it's still steaming. "We're really sorry, Mei. Losing your mom like that must really fucking suck." Aunt Kirumi looks like she wants to say something about her language, but holds back at the last moment.

I don't say anything, instead stare into my cup of tea, swirling it around a little. I don't want to be reminded. Everything I associate with Mom is always a reminder.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't wish to," Aunt Kirumi tells me, "but know that we're always here if you need to talk to either of us."

I know. They always are, no matter what. They always make it clear, since they are- were- such good friends with Mom. They're practically my aunts, and I even refer to them as such. It's almost strange seeing them here in the morning, not doing anything. I'm used to them working so often that Hikari has to tell them to take a break. "I don't want to talk about that yet," I say slowly, tasting the words. I pause a moment before continuing. "I'm moving in with my dads soon."

While I expect the silence, a hint of knowledge seems to creep into the atmosphere. They must've already suspected. "That's only a couple blocks away from school, isn't it?" I nod, and Aunt Miu smiles a little. "Closer to us, too."

I never thought of that, but I'm mostly focused on the bigger picture. "They're making me leave where all of my memories of Mom are." Already I feel tears rising up again, but I'm tired of crying so much. "I don't want to lose those memories."

Still staring into my cup, I feel Aunt Miu give me a hug from the side. "I know how you feel, kid. It sucks to leave memories behind like that." She laughs dryly. "I don't know what to say here."

I didn't think so. And that's alright. Right now, I'm just okay with sitting in silence with them. They have a motherly presence, one that I'm already sorely missing. I take a sip of the tea, the slight bitterness stinging my tongue as much as the heat stings my throat. "You're welcome to wait here for Hikari, if you like." Aunt Kirumi gives me a light, weary smile. "Miu and I will be here all day as well."

"Hikari convince you to take a day off?" That's always how the story goes; Hikari has to make sure her moms don't overwork themselves. Of myself, Hikari, and Tadaaki, Hikari is definitely the one who enjoys relaxation more.

"Not this time." The subject drops after that, though I can guess the reason. They were very good friends with Mom; no doubt they're grieving as well. Past that, I'm not sure what I should say, if anything. But it's okay, because the silence isn't a bad one; it's one full of mutual support. It's not tense like the silence at home.

After finishing my tea and helping Aunt Kirumi with the dishes, I find myself in Hikari's room. This is really my room away from my own rooms, but it's so much neater than my own. That's likely due to Aunt Kirumi's influence. It's literally her job to clean, among other things, and as long as I've known her, Hikari always loved organizing her room.

Sun warms one spot on Hikari's floor when I step on it. I barely even noticed that the relentless rain from yesterday has given way to a blue sky and sunlight. Outside Hikari's window, birds dance from tree to tree without a care, sometimes landing on the bird feeder Aunt Miu made when Hikari and I were younger.

I take a seat on the edge of Hikari's bed, already knowing that I'm likely to get an earful from Hikari for wrinkling her sheets. Hikari learned early on that she liked having her room neat and clean at all times, just like Aunt Kirumi, and I sometimes pay the price for it. I look around the room I've known for all these years, and realize for the first time how incredibly Hikari it is.

On her desk are stacked a few books, a couple of them chemistry textbooks. A white pad of paper here, a black gel pen there. All over her wall, pictures are posted ranging from when she was a baby to now. I'm in a lot of them, as is Tadaaki once he was born. On a shelf are some of her soccer trophies. A string of LED lights line the edges of her room, with the remote also neatly placed on the desk. On her windowsill, right in the light, is a succulent she'd been growing for a couple of years, fondly named Puddles.

Everything about this room just screams Hikari. I wonder if my room at Dad's house will scream that it's mine.

I don't do much while I wait. Aunt Erika, Dad, and Kokichi keep trying to ask me to come back, but eventually their messages stop. They know where I am. I hear Aunt Kirumi and Aunt Miu speak in low voices at some points. At another, the radio turns on, and I hear them working, either cleaning or trying to brainstorm. I check my phone a few more times, waiting for school to let out and Hikari to get back. It's Friday, but she still has soccer right after school. Maybe I can swing by Tadaaki's house first, even though he walks home with Hikari.

Before I even know it, though, Hikari's flying into her room, basically tackling me with a hug that nearly squeezes the breath out of me. "Mei, I am so sorry," she says over and over, and just hearing her say that makes me want to cry all over again. It takes her a good minute to fully let go of me, and by that time both of us are crying. "Is there anything you want to do? Anything you need?"

I shake my head, adjusting myself so I'm laying my head on Hikari's shoulder. Soon enough, I feel the weight of her head on my own. "Can we just sit here? I need my best friend."

"Of course."

X-X-X

"Here, Mom, let me help with that." Kaede stepped to the side of the stove, allowing Mei to come over and start stirring one of the pots while she stirred another. She looked over at Kaede through a curtain of hair. "You know you don't have to do this alone, right? I'm thirteen; I can help now."

Kaede smiled at her, though it was a bit weary. "I know, sweetie. I'm just used to doing it on my own, that's all." The truth was, she'd been working more and sleeping a bit less recently, and with winter approaching it was possible that she was coming down with a cold. But she could handle the regular household chores either way; she did for years before Mei could help much around the house.

"Well, not anymore. I'm helping with dinner from now on." Kaede could detect a smile in her voice as she said that. "I'm experienced, you know. I help Kokichi make dinner when I stay over there."

"I didn't know we had a chef in the family." Her own voice took on a teasing quality, and she nudged Mei in the calf with her foot. "Okay, then. This shouldn't take too much longer to finish, and then we can eat."

The rest of dinner was made in silence, but it was nice to know that they were there together, spending time with each other. Kaede was busy sometimes with work, and Mei was starting to have a more active social life of her own with her friends, so they were starting to see each other less and less. She wished it didn't have to be that way, but this was the age teens started to grow apart from their parents. She had to start to expect it.

"You're right, this is better now that the two of us made it together." Mei really must've picked up some little tricks from Kokichi the last time she was over there, because there was so much more flavor that there usually was.

Mei smiled at her, a bit cocky but sweet at the same time. "Told you." She poked around at her food for a moment before talking again. "Hey, Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to go to the movies this weekend? There's one playing that I think you'll like, and I kinda wanted to go see it with you. If you want." She ducked her head, looking down at her food.

Kaede grinned, setting down her fork. "I don't have any plans. Let's do it!" Mei looked up, seeming a bit surprised, but happy. "I'm serious. This'll be a lot of fun."

Mei's posture straightened a bit. "Okay, then. We have plans!" She went on to tell Kaede what the movie was about, and debated what time they should go, but Kaede could barely pay attention.

Maybe her little girl was growing up, but she still wanted to spend time with her. That made her feel so much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like showing the before of this situation with the little scenes at the end, just to give a better sense of Kaede and Mei's relationship as mother and daughter.


	3. What Will Be

Going back to school the Monday after the funeral and cremation sucks. My entire world is being thrown into turmoil, and I can't even get a breath to attempt to find a piece of normal.

I hide out in my room while Aunt Erika starts packing the rest of Mom's things. While I already raided Mom's room for anything I could keep- a sweatshirt, maybe a blanket that still smelled like her- most of it is going to be donated. And I can't handle watching that process.

The funeral was...nice. Hikari and Tadaaki had been there, of course, with their parents. Uncle Kaito and Aunt Maki were both heartbroken over Mom's death like Aunt Kirumi and Aunt Miu were, though I knew that Aunt Maki had a much different way of showing it. She was more reserved and stone-faced during the service rather than crying, much like I had been.

A lot of Mom's friends from high school were there. A few of them, Dad told me, were out of the country, some traveling, some business. I'd heard their stories before: Mr. Amami was traveling after taking over his dad's business, Mr. Shinguji was still studying anthropology abroad, Ms. Yonaga was home on her island. I'd met them all at least once in my life, and I know enough about them to know they would've come if they could've.

Those who did come were in shambles. I often heard the stories about how close their class had been, even after graduation, but I'm not sure I fully believed them until that moment. All the faces I'd seen at least once in my life were there, giving me hugs and whispering condolences to me. Mr. Gokuhara, especially, gave me one of the biggest hugs and was crying his eyes out. I always loved it when he visited, but it broke my heart further to see him like that.

A couple of them were more on the quiet side. Ms. Shirogane and Mr. Hoshi, especially, barely said a word. The area around them seemed to say that they were immensely solemn, though, and they just didn't want to bother anyone more than they were already being bothered.

Ms. Chabashira and Ms. Yumeno were conversing quietly beforehand. Neither seemed really invested in their conversation; it was more half-hearted than anything. I knew that they were both very close to Mom in high school. No doubt this was a hard blow to them as well.

And Kiibo, who I see a lot of because of Aunt Miu, was crying as well thanks to the function that had been installed in him years before. He was always fun for me to talk to on a normal day, but seeing him sad just made me feel even worse than I already did.

I recognize how Mom's death impacted all of them. And yet, I feel like the only one it impacted was myself.

The world won't stop. I don't get to take a rain check on anything, just disappear for a couple of weeks, maybe a month, until I feel like I can function like normal. No, I have to be thrown back into the daily cycle before I'm ready.

Nobody really tries talking to me at school Monday. I'm quiet, and I know I get a lot of concerned looks; I'm definitely not the quietest student in the school. Still, nobody talks to me other than Hikari and the occasional teacher. My band teacher asks if I'm up for a solo at the end of the year on piano, and I tell him I'll think about it. The end of the year concert isn't for another couple of months, in March. I'll be able to work my way through a solo by then.

But the fact remains that I haven't touched the piano at home since Mom died. Usually the piano is where we both go; Mom started teaching me when I was little. It's a familiar, safe space for me, which is why I joined band on piano. Not only that, but it always made me feel closer to Mom. That was always a plus.

Now, though, I'm not sure how I feel about it. And I can't exactly move Mom's piano to Dad's house, either; I already have a keyboard there, and there's no room for a larger piano. I know I'm going to have a hard time letting go of it.

I walk home with Hikari and Tadaaki like usual, but I have to wait for their clubs to end. Technically band is my club, even though it's held during the day. I don't have much to do but wait for Hikari on the sidelines of her practice and do some homework. I honestly don't mind, though; the more time I spend away from home, the less time I will be crying.

Hearing the sounds of the girl's soccer team practicing is somewhat therapeutic, allowing me to tune out my surroundings and concentrate for what feels like the first time in weeks. I work through my math quickly, leaving chemistry for Hikari's help later. I wasn't given too much homework, and I'm caught up on Thursday's and Friday's. Actually, I almost wish that I was given more homework to focus on.

At one point, Tadaaki joins me on the bench, tossing a beanbag he got from who knows where from hand to hand. Soccer club always runs the longest, and Hikari keeps telling us that she doesn't mind if we go home without her, but I'm not about to make Hikari walk home alone. And, though she hadn't told him herself, Aunt Maki doesn't want Tadaaki walking home on his own if he could help it. It's best for all three of us to wait for each other.

"Why do you never get any of your homework done here?" My words are barely audible, more mumbled than said, but I know Tadaaki hears them. He seems to consider this as I turn the page in the reading I was given for literature class.

"I don't feel like it." A simple answer, one that comes with his usual energy. I definitely can believe that. He never feels like doing much for school, it seems. "Plus, at home Mom and Dad can help me. It gets done faster that way."

I cast him a sideways glance, my eyes following the beanbag up and down for a moment. "You do know that I already took the classes you're taking. I could probably give you more accurate help than your parents."

He shrugs, tossing the beanbag into the air once more before catching it in one hand. "Probably." Still, he makes no move to get his homework out; he never does. I'm not sure why I'm still asking if he keeps giving me the same answer that he's given since elementary school.

A whistle blows on the soccer field, signifying the end of practice. I pack up my homework, reaching over and tossing Hikari's water bottle to her. "Just about ready?"

"Almost." Hikari takes a long drink from her bottle. No doubt she feels so much cooler in the chilly breeze, finally showing the autumn weather. It takes her a minute to switch her cleats to the flats she wore to school- an odd look with her practice clothes, but I'm used to the sight. With a final breath and her bag thrown over her shoulder, she nods. "Now we can go."

The walk from school is the longest for me, but I don't mind walking part in silence. The part to Tadaaki's house, though, is full of chatter. I'm glad that they don't treat me like I'm made of glass like my classmates and teachers do. I don't even know how my classmates know, but it's refreshing, and at least gives me a sample of what life was like before.

On the way is Dad's house- or at least, the street it's on. My gaze fixates on it, my voice fading out from the conversation for a moment. That's where I'll be living soon enough. My walk home will be shortest instead of longest.

"When are you moving in?" Hikari asks, distracting herself and Tadaaki from the conversation for a moment.

"This weekend." Funny, this is the last week I have in my house, and yet I'm trying to avoid it. "Any chance you guys can help me pack Friday night?"

Hikari responds with a nod at the same time Tadaaki grumbles. "I'm grounded, remember?" I almost forgot, but his parents grounded him from going out for two weeks after tearing a star map his dad plotted back in high school with a switchblade he'd somehow gotten from somewhere in his house. Really, I shouldn't have forgotten; Hikari and I were both there when it happened. His parents aren't afraid to ground him in front of us, even though our presence likely alleviates the punishment a bit.

"Right. See you next weekend, then." The joke is a bit half-hearted, but it's there. I'm getting there, at least with them. Perfect timing, too, as we're just approaching Tadaaki's house. His dad's still probably at work, like usual, but I see his mom moving in the open window waving to us with just the hint of a smile. She must've just gotten home from work at the local daycare center, since her hair is still in twintails. The kids love her twintails.

Tadaaki gives us a wave before bounding up to his front door, entering with a thousand words on his lips for Aunt Maki to hear. Honestly, sometimes it's hard to remember that he's not our age; he's only twelve. That's probably where he gets his boundless energy from.

Hikari and I are both silent for a moment or two as we resume our walk. Hikari lives a couple more blocks down, not too far. "We're having a pizza and movie night Saturday," Hikari says after a moment. "My moms said I should invite you- I was going to, anyway, but they wanted to make sure that I ask."

"That would be great." Right after I say that, I frown. "But I'll probably be settling into Dad's house then. Making the transition smooth and all."

A pause ensues. "Are you maybe being a little too dreadful about the situation?" She sounds hesitant, like she's not completely sure if she should bring this up at all. "You love staying with your dads. I got to hear all about it when we were younger."

I roll my eyes, remembering all the times I squealed about getting to stay with Dad and Kokichi. I always had so much fun with them, but that was always for a night or two, four at most. I always went back home to Mom after. This is permanent. "I know. This is less about them and more about my house. I'll just miss it, you know?"

Hikari grabs onto my hand and squeezes lightly, which already makes me feel better, more grounded. "I know. But you have photos, memories, videos, everything. Plus, you have time to make new memories at your dad's house."

"Right." But somehow, it doesn't make me feel any better. Am I being too unfair about this?

We come up to Hikari's house in silence. She gives me a little half-hug before going inside, and I continue on.

What am I going to enter into? Aunt Erika probably already started packing everything that's going to be sold or donated. Dishes, clothes, things Mom never got around to selling like she always said she was going to. Baby clothes. Toys from when I was a toddler. Books that haven't been read in years.

Everything I was taking with me- picture albums, books of my own- are going to be packed Friday night. After that, I have one more night in my house before leaving for good. I should probably spend more time in my room to compensate, instead of avoiding it at all costs.

A melody plays through my head, a somber one that Mom liked playing that I can never remember the name of. It's printed on one of the CDs somewhere, but without hearing the melody I'm not able to remember it. It's just long enough to keep my company the rest of the way, swirling through my mind and making me walk to the tempo, tapping out the rhythms on my thigh. It's a bit of a nervous habit of mine, but one that's not as distracting as usual. I almost never do it, at least not in public. I usually never need to.

The wind starts picking up a bit from a breeze into an actual wind as I get to my house. The windows are closed, and for the most part everything on the outside seems like usual. Most days, though, I come home to the sound of the piano, or food cooking on the stove while Mom is on the phone with someone, usually one of her friends from high school or Aunt Erika. Now I hear the news station, Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori moving around as I enter. It's just not the same. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to get used to anything different.

I ditch my bag in my room and seriously consider climbing right back out my window to get some more fresh air before the wind grows too cold. At the very least, I can throw on Mom's sweatshirt and study outside for a while, taking advantage of the weather while I still can.

"Mei? Is that you?" I close my eyes for a moment, cursing Aunt Erika's timing.

"I'm in my room!" I let myself fall backward onto my bed and stare up at the ceiling for what feels like the millionth time in a week. Aunt Erika's footsteps approach my open door, stopping right outside. I turn my head, looking at her sideways figure. "What's up?"

Aunt Erika's lips twitch into a semi-smile at my position. That's the closest to a smile I've seen on her since...before. "Nothing. I just thought it would be nice to maybe talk a little. I feel like we've been avoiding each other."

Certainly not. Certainly not because Aunt Erika looks nearly exactly like Mom, save for the style of her clothes and how she wears her hair. "What did you have in mind?"

Aunt Erika comes in and sits down on my bed, right next to where my head is. "Whatever you want to talk about. How's school? Your friends?"

I shrug as much as I can from my position. "Fine, I guess. Not much to say. Hikari and Tadaaki are fine."

A lull in the conversation ensues already. It's not like I was expecting anything different, but Aunt Erika must've been. "I take it Hikari is going to help you pack Friday night?"

Great. The one topic I don't want to talk about. "Yep. Tadaaki's grounded, but he would've helped if he wasn't." I suck in a breath, studying the sunlight dancing in the window. "You're going home after that, aren't you?"

"It's almost like you want me gone." The words have a teasing tone to them, but I can't help but see the truth in them. I love Aunt Erika, really, but having her and Uncle Hatori stay over for this long makes me miss Mom even more. It just makes her absence too obvious. "No, I get it. We have to get back to the daily grind soon enough. You'll be alright with Shuichi and Kokichi."

"Yeah." Of course I know that. I love my dads, they love me, it's the perfect arrangement in the worst possible situation. There's nothing for me to dread except leaving the house, everything for me to look forward to. That doesn't stop me from being a little anxious about this. I had noticed that I've become more and more anxious since Mom died. Hopefully that goes away soon. I can probably ask Dad for some advice on how to handle it.

Aunt Erika runs her hand over my forehead, smoothing back my hair just like Mom used to. "You'll be fine, kid. You know how I know that? You're just like Kaede. Strong, hopeful, beautiful, smart. You can push past any obstacle."

Something else I know. My family and Mom's friends always remark on how much I'm like Mom, especially in appearance. I don't really see it, though; my hair is a bit darker, longer, and my eyes are more like Dad's. I'm not as tall as them yet, and I'm definitely not as strong as Mom if I'm still this moody and anxious. Mom always looked on the bright side of every situation, always had the perfect song to calm my nerves or lift my spirits. Without her, I'm lost. I don't know how to do this on my own. Honestly, that scares the shit out of me.

The oven beeps- dinner is probably in it. Aunt Erika glances out the doorway towards the kitchen. "I should take that out before it burns. You hungry yet?"

"No. I think I'm going to finish my homework first." I haven't really had much to eat for dinner the last couple of nights, but that's truly because I haven't had much of an appetite. The only reason I had lunch today at all was because Hikari watched me like a hawk. All I've needed for breakfast the last week is a piece of fruit and I'm set for most of the day. I know that it's not the healthiest, and that I usually eat much more than that, but I can't bring myself to. I wouldn't be able to keep it down if I tried.

"If you say so. I better see you eating something later, though." With that, Aunt Erika stands up and leaves my room, presumably to go to the kitchen. I wait until her footsteps are all the way down the hall before getting up out of bed. I really do have homework to finish, but that doesn't mean that I want to do it right away.

Even so, I know I'm going to get in trouble if I don't have it finished. I pop another one of Mom's CDs into my CD player, letting Mom's music take my mind away while simultaneously focusing on the chemistry problems in front of me. I forgot to ask Hikari about that one that's giving me trouble, but if all else fails, I can call or text her about it.

In mere seconds, my hand is moving across the page, working through the questions with a strange methodology that I know wasn't there before I put the music on. It helps me figure out the problems easier- at least, it appears to. I'm not sure if it's actually helping, or if it's just me being able to work. Either way, I finish my homework with ease that I haven't known since a year or two ago, back when there was less, easier homework.

The problem is, when I'm done, I don't have anything to do. Well, nothing that I really want to do, at least. I can always have dinner, or start organizing my things for packing. Or- and this is really pushing my limits at the moment- I can practice for band.

Maybe that's the best option, actually. I don't have too much longer to use Mom's piano; I should take the opportunity while I can. I'm lucky that I keep extra copies of my band music with me at all times.

The piano bench is cool, not warm like it usually is- Mom was at the piano that often. This I know before I even sit down, my sheet music crumpling slightly in my hand. I haven't sat here since before, and I'm not sure if I can without being too emotional. If all else fails, I can escape back into my room. Nobody will see me; the piano is more disjointed from the kitchen, closer to the bedrooms. With that thought in mind, I arrange my music and sit down, my eyes trained on the notes in front of me.

The music isn't particularly hard, but it's just tough enough that I'll be able to play it if I practice enough. My fingers run across the keys, producing the desired sounds at the right time, just like always. Unlike always, there's something missing to it: emotion. These songs are peppy, happy, the kind that the band always gets lots of cheers doing. I just can't produce the right emotion in them now.

It sounds good, but wrong at the same time. There's no feeling behind the notes, like a song on the radio without the lyrics. There's no meaning, no purpose, no character. And that frustrates me to no end; it usually comes so easily. It's the easiest part of playing.

If Mom were here, she'd probably give me a hug and help me put the feeling back into the music, maybe by telling me some jokes until I lighten up enough to feel the intended emotion. It always worked, without fail. What'll help now?

The same section keeps messing me up. I can't reach that far on the keyboard that quickly, no matter how much I try. I try again and again, repeating the same three measures of notes over and over, hitting the left hand rhythm each time, but not the right. Over and over and over until I slam my fists down on the keys, creating an aggressive dissonant sound that makes me flinch. Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori probably hear it, but they don't say anything.

Then- and I'm not proud of this- I start crying again. Everything about playing piano seems a million times harder without my teacher right by my side, and now I'm never going to get that back. And that just destroys me internally.

I can't stay in front of the piano. The music sheets once again crumple at the edges, no longer smooth and perfect like they had been in my folder. I don't even bother putting them back in my folder, instead tossing them onto my desk and collapsing onto my bed for the second time today. It's still a while away, and I haven't seen it yet, but I'm sure I'm not going to be able to do that solo in band. Not this year, at least.

I stay in my room for most of the night. Since I have nothing else to do, I start tidying my things, sorting them into specific locations to save Hikari from having to do that herself on Friday. Somehow, it feels nice to be touching everything I own, going through and throwing out what I forgot to before. This must be partly why Hikari and Aunt Kirumi like it so much.

My closet is left for last because of the sheer disaster it is. I can't recall the last time I cleaned it out fully. Actually, I won't be surprised if I find projects from elementary school still in here.

But no. All that's in there are clothes- some older ones that surely won't fit me anymore- shoes, a couple towels and swimsuits, some random knick knacks, and another box of CDs that I don't remember having. These are just regular CDs, though, ones I've collected over the years. Of course, a lot of them are by my favorite idols, or bands that Hikari and Tadaaki referred me to. For some reason, I haven't pulled this box out in forever.

I pick through the CDs, sorting them out by which I'm going to keep and which I can probably sell. Maybe Hikari and Tadaaki will want a couple, or I can send some with Aunt Erika, who's also a fan of music. Soon enough, I have multiple piles on my bed, all of the cases outside of the box.

I go to toss the box towards the trash can in the corner, but I can still hear something sliding around inside of it. I've emptied all of the CDs, but maybe I used to keep some papers at the bottom and don't realize it?

My fingers brush against the bottom of the box, my fingernails scraping to pick up any stray papers. There's only one, one that I don't fully recognize until I look more closely. It's a picture, that I know, but I swear that there's a copy of it in a photo album somewhere. I don't have the foggiest idea why there's a copy in the bottom of my CD box.

It's a picture of Mom and her high school class, all grinning wildly at the camera.

I can pick out every face, put a name to each, but Mom's face draws my attention more than the rest. Mom's hair was shorter then, her face younger- naturally. This must've been at least twenty years ago. She's wearing a pink vest and a skirt with a music pattern on it. Even back then, she loved piano; I heard every single version of Mom's "Piano Freak" moments. She has one arm around a boy who must be Dad, since he looks so shyly at the camera, and another around Aunt Maki, who's looking just to the side of the camera. They all look so happy there, not a care in the world. High school must've been a dream for them.

Beyond that, what stunned me the most was the coloring of the photo. The colors are still vibrant, which makes sense given that it probably hasn't seen the light of day in at least three years. Still, it makes me feel like I'm the one who took the picture. I took a step back in time to when Mom was in high school, and I was laughing along with her and her classmates while taking their class picture.

I'm not sure if there's another copy of this somewhere. There must be, but I don't remember seeing one recently. It's probably a picture I glossed over, one I took for granted when Mom told me the stories of her high school days. I'll have to keep this safe with me at all times. It can go right above where my keyboard is in my room at Dad's house.

Which gets me thinking a bit. I remember a lot of Mom's stories from high school. Maybe I can get in touch with the rest of her old class and ask them about some of their favorites. It'll at least keep me in touch with them, even though I know that Dad and Kokichi talk to them a lot. This is a connection to Mom that I don't want to lose as time goes on; what better way to keep it than by talking?

Then again, they're all busy with work and their own families, and some are out of the country a lot. Besides, I'm not even sure if I can talk about Mom yet. I should just stick to my friends' parents and my own.

I wonder about that a lot, actually. I know that high school sweethearts normally don't stick together for long after graduation, yet three separate couples (four, if I count Dad helping Mom have me) out of sixteen students are still together. It's not that it makes me wonder if I'll stay together with my high school sweetheart; I know I won't have one. I figured out a while ago that I'm aromantic asexual. It's more that I wonder how they stayed together for so long, through both high school and university.

As I sit, staring at the picture and thinking, the sun begins to set, reminding me how short the days are getting. Soon enough, it'll be snowing, and I'll be breaking out my winter clothes. I can't believe how fast time goes sometimes, especially in autumn. It's a blink-and-you-miss-it season, or at least feels like it sometimes.

I don't leave my light on for long after that. I'm exhausted, and don't want to do much other than sleep. Even though I still haven't eaten anything for dinner, I can have a bigger breakfast tomorrow. It's no big deal.

X-X-X

"Mei, do you want any copies of these?" Kaede slid another picture into the album she was working on. Honestly, she was surprised she had the patience to be working on a photo album, but it was kind of relaxing, and kept her loose photos organized.

"Sure. Where are the extras?" Mei hopped onto the chair next to her, peering over her shoulder. She made a face suddenly. "Ew, baby pictures. Hate those."

It was hard to believe that twelve years had already passed since those baby pictures were taken, but Kaede understood Mei's reaction. She was the same way about her own baby pictures. "That pile right there." She pointed as she slid another picture into the plastic protectors. She'd have to label the page soon enough. "Take any you want. I think there are a couple of you with Hikari and Tadaaki, if you want to give either of them a copy."

"Cool, thanks!" Mei started looking through the photos right there, silently shuffling through the pile. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Mei stall on one. "Mom, is this your class?"

Kaede looks over, wondering when Mei had switched from calling her "Mommy" to just "Mom." She never really noticed before. The picture she had in her hands was one that Kaede hadn't taken a good look at in a while, but looking at it now made her smile. "It is. Those were some of the best years of my childhood."

Mei nodded pensively before recoiling from the picture for a second. "Then that's Dad next to you? Jeez, he looks so- so- unlike Dad."

"Well, we were only sixteen in this picture, so that's understandable, isn't it?" True, Shuichi really grew into his looks after high school, but Mei didn't know him back then. They were all so young back then, and Kaede couldn't believe that so much time had passed. She was only thirty-eight now, but sixteen felt forever ago. Time sure flew so fast, especially once she became a mother and started watching Mei grow up. She finally understood what her own mom used to talk about with her and Erika.

Mei glanced from the photo to Kaede a couple times. "Can you tell me some more stories about high school? Your class sounded like a lot of fun."

"Sure." The only thing she needed to figure out was where to start. Either way, she was honored that Mei was interested in it enough to ask. "I'll start with the time your Aunt Miu and Kokichi started a prank war…"


	4. Move-In

"I can't believe you still have this sweatshirt."

"Hikari, put that back in the pile! Please don't remind me." I bury my face in another of my sweatshirts, the one without the super embarrassing decal on it that the one Hikari's holding does. I got it when I was around eleven, and Hikari wouldn't let me live it down the entire year. After that, I promptly hid it in my closet.

It's really awful, but I wore it for the entire year. It has a joke on the front- what's an avocado's favorite music? The answer- guac 'n' roll- is on the back with a picture of an avocado. It's so cheesy of a pun, but I liked it because it was a music pun and made Mom laugh. Apparently, she and a couple of her classmates called Mr. Amami "Avocado" for a lot of high school because of his hue of his hair.

I doubt it still fits me. I grew a lot in those four years. Maybe I can repurpose the decal, though.

"Okay, okay, fine, take it." Hikari tosses it onto my head, laughing as it covers my face. "What's after clothes?"

I roll my eyes, taking the sweatshirt off of my face. "You think I know? Ask Aunt Erika, she has a whole list." Of course she does, because much like Mom, she always has a plan. The box in between them is filling up quickly with the clothes from my drawers and the closet I haven't cleaned in forever. We'd already packed some of my random objects- CDs, my CD player, little decorations- and made a list of the things I'll be selling. I already have a lot of things in my room at Dad's house; this is just a matter of moving everything else.

This is going to be my last night in this house. It's still getting me down, of course, but Hikari being here is a huge help. I wouldn't be able to get through this without her.

"Sheets are next," Aunt Erika calls from the hallway. She must've heard our conversation. "The box is out here, you just need to fold them. Hatori and I will take the rest from there. Clothes are all you need to finish otherwise."

"Thanks," I call back, tossing a couple socks into the box. I never bother matching them, and the entire box is already a mess anyway, so it doesn't matter much to me how neat they are in there.

"How much more do you even have?" Hikari mutters, folding everything neatly even though I literally have just been throwing everything into the box without folding. I'm probably going to do laundry once I move, anyway.

To prove my point, I toss a random shirt into the box. "Not much. We'll be done in time to get some homework done. Or a movie. Whichever we feel like."

Hikari studies me for a moment, folding a pair of my leggings. "You seem to be feeling a little better about the move." Her tone is gentle, like she's worried that I'll have an adverse reaction to her words. And I may have, too, if I wasn't focusing on balling up a camisole before shoving it in the box with everything else.

"I guess." I've gotten more used to the idea, and I know that my dads are looking forward to having me live with them, but it's going to be a big change, and I don't like change that much. "It's a process."

"I get it." We're quiet for another minute, Hikari brushing her coppery hair out of her face as she continues folding. Her help really is appreciated; I would either be here all night or I would've left everything in a heap in the box if it weren't for her. Honestly, sometimes I'm not sure I can fully function without her.

Aunt Erika calls us into the kitchen for pizza almost as soon as we're done. Pizza is a good option for my last dinner in the house, if only because it'll produce very few, if not no, leftovers. It's still warm, too, the perfect temperature for me to wolf down and not burn my mouth. Worrying makes me hungry for what feels like the first time in a week.

"So, Hikari, how's soccer going?" Aunt Erika asks over her pizza. "The season is winding down, isn't it?"

Hikari swallows her bite with a nod. "It's going well, thanks. I'm hoping that the spring season will bring our team some more wins; I know we can perform better than we did this season."

"That's good to hear. Is school going well for the two of you?" Uncle Hatori asks. I don't find it odd that they're asking questions of us; they love Hikari too, and have tried to be invested in my life since they started staying here. Still, they never fail to strike me as the kinds of questions Mom would ask, and had asked many times before.

"It's fine." I chew the crust of my pizza thoughtfully, thinking back to the few times I'd given Mom the same answer. I'm usually more talkative than this, and give more than one-word responses. Talking more now seems like too much of an effort. I've only been in school one week since Mom died; how well can it really be going?

Hikari shoots me a bit of a funny look before branching off of my response. "It's kind of weird to think that we're going to be third years in six months. Everything is going so much faster than I expected."

Aunt Erika nods sagely. "I remember thinking that exact same thing when I was your age. High school was always the time I thought everything flew by. Especially when Kaede was accepted into Hope's Peak Academy, time flew until she went there without me." A small, sad smile adorns her lips as she says that, reminded of her own teenage years.

Mom told me about Hope's Peak Academy a long time ago. It was super prestigious, and only the best of the best were accepted through a scouting process. Mom's class was actually the last to go through full-term before the school shut down for whatever reason; Mom said she never really knew why. I learned about the talent system through Mom, who in school was dubbed the Ultimate Pianist. Mom reminded me often, though, that talent isn't everything, and doesn't define a person. Ultimate talents don't matter as much in the real world, only a way of distinguishing Main Course students from Reserve Course students.

To me, it always seemed needlessly complicated. I don't care for the talent system, and think that the idea of a school as prestigious as Hope's Peak was a myth. Even the more prestigious schools in Japan aren't as legendary as Hope's Peak was in Mom's teenage years.

"Right. My moms talk about high school all the time." Hikari rolls her eyes playfully, but I know she loves listening to the stories her moms tell her about when they were her age. Their high school class always seemed to be getting in trouble for something or other. "They keep reiterating that without Hope's Peak, they never would've met. I think it's pretty sweet."

"Says the hopeless romantic." I look at her with a tiny grin, remembering all the times Hikari waxed poetic to me about her crushes. While I can't relate, I don't mind hearing Hikari and offering as much advice as I can.

Hikari sticks her tongue out with a giggle, and I almost laugh, but something inside me is yelling at me for feeling even a little better. There's no way that this is normal; I should still be crying and generally feeling awful at this point. I don't deserve to feel happy about anything right now.

Suddenly, I don't want to finish my pizza anymore. I stare down at it instead, studying the inside of where the crust meets the cheese. I've only had a few bites; I always eat the crust first and the middle of the pizza last. My stomach won't be able to handle the rest of the pizza. If I don't finish, though, I know I'll have Aunt Erika, Uncle Hatori, and Hikari on my ass, and I don't want that.

Hikari keeps responding to the questions Aunt Erika throw at her as I chew slowly. It's not like I'm going to throw up, but my stomach is still squeezed and twisting in knots. I'm not sure if I'm physically going to be able to finish, and I know that I need to eat since I've barely eaten dinner all week, but at the same time I just don't want to. I don't have the appetite for more than a couple pieces of food per day.

Dinner finishes without much fanfare, and Hikari and I settle in on my bed, pulling a movie up on my laptop. We did this often the few times we have sleepovers, and even tonight I want as much time as possible with Hikari before I have to face my last night in my house alone.

"Which movie are we going with?" Hikari's tone is still light, trying to lift the mood, I suppose. "Disney, Ghibli, old one, new one?"

"Beauty and the Beast," I reply immediately, already bringing it up. "Live action."

Hikari grins, snuggling under my covers so our bodies press together. We always do this when we watch movies; it feels nice to know that we're right there with each other, and it creates more warmth for the chilly evening. "Good choice." I know that it's one of Hikari's favorite movies; it has been ever since it came out, both because of the storyline and because of Hikari's crush on Emma Watson.

I hum each song under my breath, and I know that Hikari is restraining from outright singing, even though she has a decent voice. I don't pay too much attention to the movie itself, and more looking at the details surrounding the CGI and sets, and especially the background music. That's always one of my favorite parts of watching movies, is appreciating the soundtrack put together especially for it.

Plus, it gives me a distraction from myself. Any length of time I can avoid thinking is good.

I allow myself to become wrapped up in Belle's escapades, giggling at Gaston and LeFou, rolling my eyes at Hikari's reactions to the romantic bits. For a moment, everything feels like a regular Friday night. I can't wish for anything more.

X-X-X

I get up early the next morning. I'm supposed to move in early in the morning since Dad and Kokichi are taking the day off work to help. Even so, I'm not supposed to move in at four in the morning, as my circadian rhythm would have me believe.

One one thing to do, then. I unlock my phone, charging on the nightstand that I will be leaving behind. On days I wake up early for no reason, Piano Tiles is my best friend. And yes, I get the irony of an amateur piano player enjoying Piano Tiles. Tadaaki has pointed it out many times.

This way, I'm able to pass the three hours before Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori get up. My eyes burn a little, and I'm exhausted from the lack of sleep already. What good qualities for the morning.

I shrug on Mom's sweatshirt; I've practically been living in it as often as possible. Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori clearly aren't awake yet, not before tea and coffee. I grab a leftover slice of pizza and stare over it at the piano. I haven't touched it since I broke down in front of it, and I have mixed feelings about trying to play again. I only have an hour window before leaving and only having my keyboard, but I don't want to become overly frustrated again. Maybe if I have extra time after getting everything ready, I can play one last time.

The thought is on my mind as Aunt Erika kisses my forehead before moving past me to make tea. This is their last day in the house, too; they'll be going back home even though they'll still help sell the house. Technically speaking, they're Mom's closest family, since she and Dad were never married. It's strange to think about sometimes, but Mom never had a romantic partner that I can remember. I just know that Mom wanted a child, and Dad helped.

Of course, I know what "helped" means, but I try not to think about that. That's something Hikari and I have in common, actually; nontypical family structures, since Hikari's adopted.

I shake the previous thought out of my head, replacing it with the image of my room in Dad's house. It looks more or less like my own here, with a couple different touches. I stay there often enough for it to feel like my own home; Mom traveled once or twice a year, and I like hanging out with them, besides. It's been a couple of months since I was there last, and I hope that it still feels that way.

At the same time my morning blurs together, it stretches out impossible long. I memorize all of the details of my house, even more than I already have. Funny how leaving a place forever does that to a person, making them feel like they missed out on their entire life in that spot. I detest that feeling.

At least it's fairly nice out. If we really want to, we could walk my boxes to Dad's house. However, the boxes are too heavy for that, no matter how few there are, and I don't have a wagon to carry them in.

Even so, it feels silly to be piling the four or five boxes into Uncle Hatori's car for a three-block ride. It literally takes less than three minutes to get from my house to Dad's, and I'm not sure if I'm glad that my house fades out of view that fast or if I wish it would've stayed in view longer. It's almost worse knowing that I'm going to be able to walk past it anytime I want to go on a walk.

I have my eyes closed the entire ride, if only to trick myself into thinking that two minutes can make up for three missed hours. Kokichi always stresses sleep in relation to help when I'm at their house; I know it's hypocritical, given that he often waits until Dad finishes his paperwork or even gets home from work, which sometimes isn't until midnight, or Kokichi literally drags him away from his work.

I can tell when we arrive, but I still don't open my eyes for a moment. I'm exhausted already, and I'll definitely have to go to bed early tonight, despite it being a weekend. When I'm overtired, I don't have as much control over my emotions, and that's definitely not what I need right now.

The door is already unlocked, and I can hear Dad and Kokichi inside, probably finishing up breakfast. Usually they're at work now, and I feel bad that they took the entire day off to help me- what? Put some of my clothes in my dresser? They really don't need to watch over me all day. I'm fifteen; I can handle settling myself in alone for a while. Their work is important, more important than whatever I'm going through.

I open the trunk of Uncle Hatori's car, already taking out one of the boxes of my clothing. It's not too heavy, not really, and with that I walk up the front steps I recognize so well. "Hey," I call into the kitchen, pausing for a moment to catch a glimpse of them. "We're here."

"Ah, Mei." Dad comes in, a small smile on his lips. I tilt my head at him, studying it. Yep. Definitely forced. He looks over my shoulder at Uncle Hatori, who comes in after me. "Need any help with the boxes?"

"We're good, thank you. This is it, actually." He and Aunt Erika apparently grabbed the last couple boxes themselves. He shifts his weight into an idle stance, like he's going to be chatting for a bit. I turn and head for my room without them noticing, sure that they're going to take their time.

I always leave my room here neat, for the most part. By neat, I really mean no random papers everywhere, and my bed is always made for the next time I stay over. I don't expect that cycle to last very long now that I'm going to live here full-time.

Right away, I set my box on my bed and start getting to work. By my logic, the faster I finish putting everything away, the faster I can (probably) sleep. Even though I know that's not quite right, I wouldn't mind a nap sometime today. And, thanks in part to Hikari actually trying to keep everything organized, I'm able to transfer my clothes over with relative ease and minimum mess.

As I predict, Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori don't come in for a few more minutes, but with their help everything is put away quickly and orderly. They have to leave soon after, since they have about an hour's drive ahead of them to get home.

Which leaves me home with my dads.

"Hey." I hug them both once I go back to the kitchen, realizing that I barely greeted them before. I always like the hugs they give; they're always warm and full of unspoken support that's nearly unmatched with anyone else's. I peek over their shoulders- rather, Dad's shoulders and Kokichi's head- at the table behind them. "Are those donuts?"

Dad smiles softly, less forced this time. "Yeah. I figured we should have a little something sweet this morning."

I allow the smallest of smiles to creep onto my lips. They always know how to get to me. "Good choice." Kokichi and I lunge for the donuts at almost the same time, and his goofy grin almost makes me laugh. I don't, but even so, everything feels like normal. It's just another weekend spent before going home to Mom- only this time, it's not.

"So. Work." I swallow my first bite of donut as my dads settle in their own seats at the table. "How's it going? Anything interesting?"

"Same as always." Kokichi winks at me, and I get the message. As a therapist, he can't divulge patient information, but he always relays when he feels that he had a good day, and is always open with how he feels good in helping his clients. I have to admire him in that.

Dad shrugs, tilting a hand back and forth. "Nothing too interesting. This latest case isn't anything you'd be interested in, I don't think. Mostly it's just paperwork."

"Fun." A lot of his job seems to be paperwork, either home or down at the police station. Sometimes, though, he'll be more involved in a case and will be out late, which is when Kokichi usually stays up later with tea. I take another bite of my donut, the jelly nearly oozing onto my fingers. "You guys know you didn't have to take today off, right?"

"I didn't have work anyway. I'm only in during the week." Kokichi shrugs, and I think I see him hide a smug smile behind his donut. He always seems to lord it over Dad that he gets to work less, though it's always in a teasing way.

Dad sends him a look that says _yeah, yeah,_ before addressing me again. "I don't mind. Paperwork can wait a day. It's more important to spend time with my daughter."

At the exact same time, Kokichi and I pull a face at how cheesy Dad is. I shift my weight in my seat, moving my eyes from my donut to my plate to Dad and Kokichi. "That was cheesy. But thanks."

I really do appreciate it now, as much as I thought I wouldn't need them here for my move-in. Judging by the last week, I need human contact. It's definitely a good thing that they're here so I can talk to them, hug them, whenever I want. I didn't know I needed it until right now.

The rest of our donut-eating is spent with some light smalltalk, and some catching up. Before everything happened, I saw them once or twice a week; Mom liked to keep up with everyone by having them, Hikari's family, and Tadaaki's family have dinner together once a week. We kept that up as often as we possibly could. Since Mom's sickness really started setting in, I haven't seen them as much. Part of it was me retreating into a shell, but part of it was trying to keep my life as close to normal as possible as much as possible. AKA, most of it was my fault. I'm just glad I still have them now.

My phone is blowing up by the time I finish cleaning everything up. I already feel like I fit in, of course, helping with whatever dishes and already knowing where everything is. This is what I do anyway. Hikari is likely checking up for both her and Tadaaki, who still wouldn't have his phone back for a couple more days. My lips twitch upward at the thought; we often do that with each other, if Tadaaki is with one of us and without his phone.

But I put it aside for now. I'll have plenty of time later, and Hikari and Tadaaki probably know that, too. "It's been a while," I say instead, half-forcing a smile, "so how about we see if I'm still the MarioKart champion."

"You wish!" Kokichi immediately meets my challenge, already going to set up their old Wii system. "Just so you know, I've been honing my skills for this very moment."

Dad glances over at me, mouthing "no he hasn't" and sharing a secret smile with me. Just like that, it's another weekend, another overnight with them. Only...this one will last longer than normal. That's the mentality I should have.

X-X-X

Nighttime sucks.

I go to bed an hour earlier than normal; I need it. I kiss my dads good night and change into my pajamas, climb under my covers, and break down sobbing.

All at once, everything I kept inside all day, all week, comes rushing out of me. I try to stay as quiet as possible; I don't want to make Dad and Kokichi worry, and I know they would. They both have enough on their plates as it is. They don't need to deal with my emotions.

But I just can't stop crying. It overcomes me; staying with my dads from now on, which, as awesome as it is, is something that I hate at the exact same time. No more kissing Mom goodnight, no more dinner conversations with her, no more making breakfast together, no more practicing piano together- nothing. No more anything.

My bedroom door creaks open, and I try to stop crying for a moment in case it's Dad or Kokichi. I don't want them to catch me crying. The tiny bit of light that filters from the hallway lights the form of Panta, the cat my dads have had for a couple years. I can't believe I forgot about Panta.

Panta pauses a moment before jumping onto my bed, and subsequently me. I don't sit up, but Panta lays down on my stomach, staring at me softly. The moment I reach out one of my hands, Panta meets my palm with her cheek, tilting her head so my hand slides behind her ears. I hiccup a little, but slowly my frown lessens as I pet her. I know that Panta is usually a little finicky about who touches her- generally, only me, Kokichi, and Dad are allowed to. It's nice of her to come to me and let me pet her.

I quiet as I'm doing so, enough for my rough breathing to steady. That quiet, I can hear my dads moving downstairs; they likely won't go to bed for another hour or so. Panta flicks her ears, and I realize I can hear snippets of the conversation they're having.

"...so much like her," Dad is saying, and his voice sounds a little thick, though it could be because of how low he's talking, probably so he won't wake me. No need for him to worry about that, though. I'm obviously not getting sleep anytime soon.

"She looks like you, too, you know." Kokichi's voice is just as soft, if a little more steady. "Your face shape, your eyes- the height could come from either of you, really. Frankly, I'm jealous."

It's a poor attempt at a joke, and I can practically hear the look Dad is shooting Kokichi in the moment. They're talking about me, then. Yeah, I know I look like Mom, though I have a lot of Dad's traits upon further inspection. Others I probably got from my grandparents, since I can't place them to either of my parents.

I'm not sure if Dad was ever fully romantically involved with Mom; she never said, and I know neither of them would've answered if I'd asked. Even so, having a child together and being best friends throughout high school obviously made them very close. Dad is in almost every photo with Mom from their high school days. It's only natural that he's just as devastated as I am; he just hides it better in front of me.

"From behind, though, she looks exactly like Kaede. I could've sworn it was her for a moment." Their conversation stops for a minute, and I'm completely silent, trying to hear more even though I know I shouldn't. "It's hard to believe she's gone."

Ah, shit. He's crying now, I can hear it. Just hearing it in his voice makes me cry again, though I still try to remain quiet. "I know, Shu. I know."

A minute or so passes. I think that they're done, at least until I hear Kokichi again. "Don't forget, you can talk to me. I'm always here for you." Any joking tone in Kokichi's voice originally is now gone, replaced with a softness I only hear on special occasions. Special, more somber occasions.

"She was my best friend, Kichi. She was always my best friend. What am I supposed to do without her?" His words are barely distinguishable now.

I get the distinct feeling that I shouldn't be listening anymore, but now that I've started, I can't stop. Panta lays her head down on my chest, closing her eyes as my chest and stomach rise and fall, albeit shakily. "I don't know. We'll figure it out, I promise. I don't know how long it'll take, but we will."

I squeeze my eyes shut, the hot tears spilling past my eyelids. I need to calm down and sleep; I shouldn't have started listening in the first place. It's only making me hurt even more, and it's surpassing what Panta can help with. "Go help Dad," I whisper to the cat, pulling my hand back close to my chest. "Go on."

Panta looks at me for a moment before lazily getting up and hopping off of the bed and out of my room. I watch until her shadow is completely out of sight before turning around in bed so I'm lying on my stomach. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know if I should be crying more or less, of if I should go and hug Dad or stay in bed and forget I ever heard that conversation.

Either choice doesn't matter. I'm not going to sleep anyway.

X-X-X

"Look at this. We're officially at the adult table." Kaede grinned at her own joke, even though the tiny plastic table Mei sat at before was empty, since she had gone to get her doll from her room. Shuichi and Kokichi smiled back at her. The tea in front of them was still steaming, not as good as Kirumi's, but good enough.

"It only took us twenty-odd years to get here." Kokichi shrugs. "But it's whatever. I was always at the adult table in D.I.C.E."

Shuichi rolled his eyes. "When you were there nonstop, there was no adult table. The oldest one of you when you started was sixteen." Kokichi put his hand over his heart like he'd been wounded, and Kaede couldn't help but laugh at their teasing. She always thought they would work out well as a couple, ever since high school. It felt like an honor to watch them grow since then.

"Anyway." Kaede rolled her eyes now, though she had a bit of a smirk on her lips. "Maki's due in a couple of weeks, isn't she? I wonder if she'll have a girl or boy."

"For her own sake," Kokichi said, "I hope she has a girl. Can you imagine her having to deal with someone with boundless energy, always running around, and the baby?"

Shuichi pushed him lightly, though Kaede could detect a bit of a smile in his voice. "I think she'll be fine with either. Kaito's sure to love the baby no matter what, of course, and with Maki's background working at the orphanage, I'm sure they won't have any issues."

Kaede couldn't help her smile growing. "I'm just so excited for her! I know the closer I got to Mei's birth, the more excited I was."

Kokichi shrugged, putting his hands behind his head. "I don't know, Kaede, I thought you complained quite a lot and asked Mei to, quote, just come out already."

Now she was close to pushing Kokichi herself, or at the very least kicking him under the table. "That's just because I wanted to meet her so bad." Which, to be fair, was only partly true, but it was mostly true. Speak of the devil, Mei came out of her room with her doll and the doll's hairbrush. She climbed onto Kaede's lap, smiling over at Shuichi and Kokichi. "See? How could I not want to meet this angel?"

"Whatever you say, Kaede. Whatever you say." But she could hear the teasing undertone in Kokichi's voice. And that was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've heard it's bad form to say that you like something you make, but 1) that's dumb and 2) I like this chapter. I think it came out better than I expected it to. And may I also say, this is the longest fanfiction I've ever worked on. Where I'm at now is over 40,000 words, and hopefully I'll be able to write much more than that!


	5. Everything is (Not) Fine

I didn't realize before how empty a house could feel when both of my dads are at work. Monday is strange because of this; I wake earlier than I need to in the morning, though I could've used my extra time to hide the bags under my eyes. Even though I almost never wear it, I do own some makeup. I never realized how much of a difference a couple of minutes made on my commute to school. Hikari and Tadaaki come to pick me up later than I think, which totally throws me off to begin with, and the commute feels so much shorter than usual. And of course it is; now I'm living closer to school.

Dad and Kokichi are still at work when I get home. Even after waiting for Hikari's soccer practice to end, I'm home a good hour before Kokichi will be, and about two or three from when Dad'll be coming home. Essentially, Panta and I have the house to ourselves, and I've established a bit of a routine before whenever staying at Dad's house stretched into the school week. It doesn't stray too far from the norm.

There aren't any dishes for me to do like I'm used to with Mom. Dad already did them this morning. I don't have to feed Panta; that isn't until four thirty. I barely have any homework after the homework I finished at Hikari's practice, and it's not like I have much to do other than that. Maybe it'll be better to tackle my keyboard at the moment.

My band music is still with me. Our winter concert isn't for another month or so, but I could use the practice. I still haven't told Mr. Honda whether or not I'll take the solo, either. This, at least, gives me something to do, and a way to help me think.

Panta is curled up on my bed, and I unplug my headphones from the keyboard, opening my window a little to let some of the chilly air in, so music can spill out. That's how Mom always played, at least. Music is better with someone to share it with, she always said, and this apparently includes passersby, whether they want to listen or not.

I take a breath and arrange my sheet music just so, my eyes skimming over it. This arrangement isn't too difficult; 6/8 time, key of G major, not too many accidentals. Most of my left hand is just chords, and my right will play a soft melody that I know can barely be heard under all of the brass and woodwinds, not to mention percussion. That's one of the reasons Mr. Honda wants to give me a solo: so I can actually be heard.

I start off slow. Each chord is deliberate, each note plunked with care and caution. It doesn't sound as good slow, more somber than the lighthearted melody that it's meant to be. But for right now, it's fine like that.

I go a little quicker each time through before I reach the right tempo and move onto the next piece. The process repeats over and over, playing the same pages until nothing else is on my mind. I don't need to think about anything else, I don't need to pretend to be fine in front of my classmates, my friends, my dads. Here, I don't have to pretend.

"You're getting really good, Mei."

The keyboard makes a dissonant noise as my palms slam into multiple keys at once. "Holy crap!" My hand flies up to my heart as I suck in a deep breath, glaring at Kokichi. "Don't do that!"

Kokichi smiles innocently, leaning against my door frame with his arms crossed. "Do what? It was just a compliment." This thing is, I know that he knows what bugs me about it. He jumps at any chance to scare me, if only for a small laugh. If I were in any other situation, I would've laughed, or sworn revenge, or something other than turning my gaze back to the keyboard. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah. Fine." A lie. We both know it; Kokichi is a master at recognizing when someone is lying. I've only just cracked the code on that. "What time are we making dinner? I'd like to shower beforehand if I can."

I can practically feel his eyes studying me, but refuse to look over at him. "An hour or so, probably. That way it'll be ready by the time Shuichi's home." I nod absently, my eyes skipping over the keys. C, C sharp, D, E flat, E, F… I feel his arm around my shoulders and glance over quickly to see him bent slightly, trying to give me a hug. "You know you can be honest with me and your dad, right, kid?"

"I know." He squeezes my shoulder quick before removing his arm with a soft smile and nod. Without another word, he retreats from my room, Panta following close behind him.

I love Kokichi, really I do. I've known him my whole life, just as long as I've known Mom and Dad. Sometimes we fight, sometimes we joke around. I'm glad that I don't hate him, and I can tell that he is, too. Stepdads don't always get the best reputation. Really he's awesome, but sometimes, he can be a bit much.

After another minute of staring passively at the keys- F, F sharp, G, A flat, A, B flat, B, then back to C- I turn off the keyboard and grab a pair of pajamas to put on once I'm out of the shower. Generally, I pride myself on quick showers; I take so much less time than Mom used to. I definitely will be out in time to help make dinner.

I have my own shower, technically. My dads never use it, so it's mine for the taking whenever I stay over. It's nice to not have to share with them, and I already have my shampoo and bodywash in here from the last time I was over. I wait until the water runs warm to get in; I can shower in every temperature except for cold.

Right before getting in, I hesitate a second before turning the lights off. I don't do this often, but it helps me feel less stressed on the occasions I do. It's something small, and a bit unorthodox, but I read something online about it before and the first time I tried it, it felt amazing. It's not a thing with my body; I'm perfectly comfortable with that. This is more for the relaxing ambience of the darkness and the warm water.

I probably spend more time in the shower than usual; I'm not really counting. Even so, by the time I dry off and change, pulling my hair into a tangled, wet braid, I still have a little time before making dinner. Just the perfect amount of time to attempt to finish my homework, even though I have practically the entire evening to do so. It's better to get it done now and have free time later.

I set a timer on my phone before sitting down, focusing my mind on the singular task of history. The class isn't too difficult; it's just a bunch of busy work that I hate doing. History isn't particularly my favorite, nor one of the more interesting subjects I could be learning about. Even so, if I give myself enough time to pay attention to the details, I'll be able to complete it with relative ease.

My mind is relatively void of outside thoughts apart from my assignment, which is a relief in and of itself. No distractions means no obstacles. Within the time I set for myself, I'm done and put it back in my bag. Out of sight, out of mind.

Kokichi is already getting out pots and pans for dinner when I get downstairs. "What're we cooking tonight?" I ask, attempting for a lighthearted tone and, in my eyes, mostly succeeding. For all anyone knows, this could be a totally normal night. Still getting used to what normal is here, though.

"Udon, tofu, and veggies. Something simple." He gestures to the fridge with his head, his inky purple ponytail swinging across his back. "Wanna get the veggies ready?"

"Sure." I'm always skilled with the vegetables, while Kokichi usually handles the main part of the meal. Making dinner together is a bit of a tradition with us, a way for us to spend some time together and get to know each other a bit better than we already do.

I slide the colander out of the cabinet it's kept in, placing the bean sprouts in it and rinsing them with cool water. I'm a bit of an expert with bean sprouts. Mine are always better than Kokichi's, or Dad's, or even Mom's. "So," I say over the running water, "how's D.I.C.E. doing?"

Kokichi smiles at the name of his "evil organization." Even though he technically isn't the leader anymore- he passed leadership down to one of the other members after graduating from university- he still keeps in touch with all of the members, even the newer ones. I always find it heartwarming that he has such a tight-knit group of friends, even though I'd caught onto the "evil" lie by the time I was six and had met a few of the members myself. They're all sweethearts, really.

"They're doing well. Just got a new recruit a couple days ago, actually." He smirks, cutting me a side glance. "The offer is still open for you to join, you know."

I roll my eyes, hiding a smirk of my own by paying closer attention to the bean sprouts. "I'm good, thank you."

"You and your dad, always turning down my offers. I'm hurt, truly." But I know that's another lie, especially when he jabs at the spot between my shoulder blades, making me jerk and splash water onto myself.

"Hey!" I jump back, trying not to drop water all over the place. Kokichi is obviously trying to hide a laugh, and mostly failing. "I already had a shower, thank you." I accentuate my claim by flicking the water off of my fingertips at him, making him step back. The water falls forgotten on the floor.

"Whatever you say, Mei-flower." My nose wrinkles at the nickname he gave me when I was little, the one I always hated. He only ever uses it to tease me, since he knows I hate it.

I stick my tongue out at him, turning back to the bean sprouts. If he messes this up for me, I'm never going to forgive him. Or, maybe that's a lie, too.

The entire dinner prep is like this, trading jokes and verbal blows. Doing something I know how to do so well definitely feels good. Plus, teasing Kokichi so much makes me feel like a little kid again, with no cares in the world. It's a feeling I miss.

The exact moment Dad walks in the door, Kokichi and I are putting dinner on the table while we bicker about whether or not Panta is a bionic cat. Strangely enough, it's an argument we've been having since Panta was adopted. Kokichi always argues yes, but I'm dead set that Panta is a regular cat, no matter how sweet.

"This again?" Shuichi asks, though I can tell from his voice that he's smiling. He kisses me on the head as I pass by him, catching Kokichi by his arm to kiss him as well. I shift my eyes away at that; I was never one for PDA from anyone. Hikari knows this well; I always complain about the students we pass who kiss or are overly affectionate in discrete sections of the halls, though it's technically against the rules. Not even technically. It's literally written in the school handbook. She just laughs and waves me off most of the time.

"Just tell him that Panta's not bionic and this can all be over," I say, finishing up by laying down the last napkin. "Ready for dinner?"

In that moment, Dad's stomach growls. "That would be a yes." He smiles sheepishly, taking his seat along with me and Kokichi. "This looks delicious."

"I should hope so." Kokichi makes a face at me. "Your daughter almost messed up the bean sprouts." He puts a stress on "your daughter" with a lilting tone.

I sputter indignantly. "That was your fault! You're the one who nearly made me spill them!" But still, I smile, knowing that he's not serious.

Dad laughs at us, any stress from his day exiting him. I can tell; his shoulders are definitely relaxing, his tell for tension. "Should I be expecting a mess in the kitchen today?"

We glance over at each other quickly. "Nooooo." Obviously, he's not convinced. As he shouldn't be; though we tried, we may have had a couple minor cooking accidents this time around. At least, a couple more than usual. I know that the three of us will all pitch in with the dishes once we're done eating, though. We always do.

I admittedly pay more attention to how Dad's day was than what I'm eating, not that it's not good. Dad is just telling a story about one of his coworkers- well, one that he works with on occasion. She technically doesn't work at the station like Dad does; she has her own firm. Dad could have his own if he wanted, or he could work at hers, but he would rather stay local with the station.

The story is about how she was apparently "hiding out" at the station to complete some more work before her husband found her and made her take a break. Dad is always full of stories about those two, and if I think that he overworks sometimes, I'm convinced that his coworker overworks more than he does. I don't know how she can still function, honestly.

I don't have much to report about my own day. Now that winter is approaching, Hikari won't have soccer practice as often, so the two of us need to start thinking about where we should wait for Tadaaki so we can walk home together. I have a couple tests coming up, but nothing too major. Not much to talk about, anyway.

Kokichi's day was the same as it usually is. He saw a couple patients, had lunch, saw a few more, came home. He reports that all of his patients are making progress, which is definitely good. I know how important that is.

Then he brings up the possibility of grief counseling for me, and I nearly choke.

At first, I don't think I hear him right, but he repeats himself at my confused look. "Sometimes it's good to go to counseling for a while after a traumatic event. I think you might be able to benefit from grief counseling."

Because talking about Mom- the thing I want to do the least- is what's going to help me. Right. "I'm fine, thank you. I don't need counseling."

"We heard you cry yourself to sleep these last couple nights." Dad looks down at his food to avoid my sudden, critical gaze- something I know he does when he feels nervous. I'm kind of surprised he said anything at all. "I know this is hard- it's hard on me, too- but maybe counseling could help."

"Kokichi's right here. He's a therapist."

But Kokichi shakes his head. "Love, I'm a therapist, but not a therapist for my family. I keep those two as separate as I can. There's someone in my office who I think could really help you, though, at least for a few weeks."

I can't believe they're tagteaming me on this. I don't need any help! I'm- I'm perfectly fine. This is something I can handle on my own. My dinner still isn't finished, but I lose my appetite. I slam my palms on the table, pushing myself up. "I'm going to my room."

This is unfair to them; I know that. I know that this is probably hurting them and that I'm awful for doing this and for being mad at them because none of this is their fault, but I'm angry at the world and I don't know how else to express it and everything is just overwhelming-

And before I know it, I'm crying.

I know I can't just stay in my bedroom; that won't stop them from coming in. I need somewhere safer than that, somewhere I know they won't disturb me.

The bathroom.

They would never dare walk in on me if I'm in the bathroom.

I curl myself into a ball on the floor of the still-damp shower and press my face into my knees. My shoulders shake; I can feel them bumping against the shower walls. But I won't be loud. They don't need to know that I'm crying; that will only solidify their concerns.

A couple times, they knock. They try coaxing me out, but I don't budge. And I hate myself for doing this. This isn't me, and all three of us know it. So why can't I stop myself from acting like this? Everything would be so much easier about this if Mom were still here. Why- why did she have to leave me?

Within an hour, I run out of tears to cry. My muscles are stiff, my back is sore from being curled the whole time. It's time for me to go back and apologize.

Dad is at the table, his paperwork spread out around him. It looks like less than usual, but that's irrelevant. Kokichi is on the couch watching the news absently. I linger in the doorway, mortified at my previous actions. I almost don't want to talk to them again tonight.

If I could, I'd wait for one of them to notice me first. There's a fat chance of that happening, though, so I steel my shoulders and announce my presence with "I'm sorry."

Dad looks up from his work, his features softening. I can't look him in the eye yet. "I know."

Kokichi leans forwards, resting his elbows on his knees. "You remind me of me sometimes. I used to do this a lot in high school, remember, Shu?"

His lips twitch at the memory. "I thought for sure that you were going to have detention the whole year." He shakes his head, refocusing on me. "This kind of thing happens sometimes. It's better to let it out than to force yourself to not feel anything. Trust me."

"Yeah." I shift my weight from foot to foot. "I didn't- I don't want to go to counseling. I don't need it."

The two of them exchange a quick conversation over glances. That's never good. "How about this," Dad starts, and I already know that I'm not going to like what follows. "One session. If it helps, you can go back. If not, you don't have to go again. Deal?"

It's not ideal. The ideal would be to be completely off the hook. However, I figure that this is the least I can do to apologize. "Deal."

We schedule it for Thursday after school. The office isn't too far from school, about a fifteen minute walk. The hard part will be coming up with an excuse to relay to Tadaaki and Hikari, because I'm sure as hell not telling them about counseling.

But once it's done, I sit with Kokichi. The news isn't too interesting, which I suppose is a good thing. We usually have a show or two we watch before going to bed- at least, before I do. They stay up later depending on how long it takes Dad to finish his work, and how tired they are. I think their record for earliest night is ten.

Like I assumed before, he doesn't have as much work as usual. He finishes in time to watch one of the shows with us. I curl up in between him and Kokichi, feeling their warmth flow into me. I hold both of their hands, something I haven't done since I was little and they would swing me in the air on walks with them and Mom.

Wouldn't it be great to be that age again?

X-X-X

I'm grateful that I'm so exhausted; it makes it that much easier to fall and stay asleep. It helps that I don't remember my dreams, either. On the nights that I do, I'm always more physically exhausted. Today, though, I awake fully rested and ready to start the day. Everything is where it should be, neat and organized.

Heh. I sounded like Hikari for a minute there, didn't I? I shake my head at the thought.

Something about the day just seems automatically better than yesterday. Maybe it's because I was able to let my emotions out last night. Whatever it is, I'm extremely relieved to not have to feel like I have been the last couple of days. On the other hand, I don't think it'll last long. Might as well enjoy it while I can.

"You're in a good mood," Dad notices the moment I walk into the kitchen. His detective skills don't need to tell him; I'm actually smiling. "Any special occasion?"

"I don't think so." I think for a second; nothing comes to mind immediately. This is just a thing, I guess. "Why? Is there?"

"Not that I know of." But it's sunny outside, warm for late October. Maybe that's affecting my mood, even a little. Definitely better than the early snow we got last year.

I chat absently with my dads until it's time to go to school. I hug them goodbye before meeting Hikari and Tadaaki outside, the warmth surprising me momentarily.

Hikari grins at me. "Looks like your smile is finally showing itself again. I'm glad to see it." She bumps her shoulder into mine, nearly making me fall over. She's definitely stronger than she thinks.

"Love you, too, I guess." But I laugh as Hikari sticks her tongue out at me. "Hey, how are your moms doing?"

Hikari makes a face like she bit into a lemon. "Overworking. Again." According to what my parents and Tadaaki's parents have told me, Aunt Kirumi and Aunt Miu have always been like this. They're the polar opposite of Hikari, who will kick back and relax whenever presented with the chance. It's almost hard to believe they raised her. "I swear, I'm five seconds away from giving them a curfew. No working past ten!" She giggles at her own declaration as Tadaaki lights up at her statement, remembering something.

"Oh! My grounding's over! I'm free to go!" He runs and jumps, and I right him before he can fall over from his momentum changing so suddenly. He puts his arms out to his sides like he's on a tightrope. "Thanks, Mei."

"No problem, kid." I always say that nicknames come around and go around, but I don't dare use that nickname in front of Kokichi. If I do, I'll never hear the end of it, given how much resistance I show him with his different nicknames for me.

"Anyway," Tadaaki says, rolling his eyes. He likes to pretend that he's leagues cooler than Hikari and I are. Actually, he might be. He certainly has more friends than I do, at least. "Mom and Dad want to know if you guys are up for dinner Friday? Parents too, of course."

Hikari nods immediately. "So long as your mom isn't cooking, absolutely." It's ironic how Aunt Maki, who has looked after children basically her entire life, still has no grasp on how to cook. She's the only person I know who can burn ramen.

"No, Dad's making it. Mei, you in?"

Their eyes fall expectantly on me. "I don't see why not." I love it when our families get together. Mom used to joke that it was like a mini class reunion for her and their parents, as though they didn't see each other at least once a week.

Then it hits me.

This will be our first family dinner since Mom was diagnosed.

"Let me text them, just to be sure." I take my phone out of my backpack's pocket, using this as a chance to escape that thought. Within seconds, I get my answer: a resounding yes, plus Kokichi making fun of Aunt Maki's cooking. Naturally. "They're good on it."

"Mine are in, too," Hikari says, returning her phone to her pocket. "This is going to be fun!"

I try to maintain my smile as much as I can as we approach the school. Tadaaki leaves us in the dust to catch up with a couple of his friends, as usual. It's both a blessing and a curse that our schools are right next to each other.

Homeroom comes and goes without much of a thought. I'm glad for classes to start, now that I can actually concentrate on them. On top of everything else, I can't allow my grades to suffer. That would only add more stress and worry that I don't need.

Math is my favorite class. Each question has only one answer and a set way to reach it. It's so organized, I'm surprised Hikari doesn't like it more. From my seat, I can see her grumbling over the practice problems we've been given. In a way, I'm lucky that I'm so good at math. Mom always said that it wasn't her strong suit, and though Kokichi is strangely good at math, it's better for me to complete it without any help.

I work though the practice problems methodically, always starting in the same place and ending with what I assume is the right answer. There is just something about numbers that I like. Perhaps it's their predictability. Whatever it is, it helps transport me away. If I'm too bored with a class, my mind will wander, and I either stop paying attention or I'll be so distracted that I can barely understand the lesson. At least this way, I can get all of the boredom out before I miss what we're being taught.

School in general isn't totally awful. It's much more bearable, of course, since Hikari is in my class. I don't know what I'd do without her to keep me sane. The worst part isn't even the homework; it's the tests, especially the finals. Luckily, those aren't for another few months, so I don't need to stress about them now. I don't have to worry about any tests until Friday, either, but those will come in masses. I'll probably be studying all week for them. Yay.

Hikari suggests we get a head start during lunch, which is a good idea given I don't think I'll be able to focus enough later. I usually steer the conversation since Hikari is much quieter in school than she is when it's just us and Tadaaki. I don't particularly feel like talking about much, so studying is obviously the better option. I feel like I can concentrate more while picking at my lunch, anyway. While it's getting better, I still haven't fully regained my appetite, no matter how delicious the food is.

"Mei, are you even studying?" Hikari's sympathetic gaze slides up from her meticulously-taken notes, correctly calling me out. I've barely touched my notes at all. "Come on, these tests aren't going to ace themselves."

I could make a joke relating to my sexuality, but I hold back. "I know." My eyes refocus as I take another bite of the orange slices I brought. I know the material, and I know that studying notes works for me. There's one thing missing, though, and that's music. Every time I studied at home, Mom was usually playing piano or had music on in the background. If I were allowed, I'd find a track to play on my phone, but I don't feel like getting in trouble with my teachers for having my phone out. I'll have to do without.

My eyes wander after another minute because of course they do. Who really wants to study? Our classroom generally isn't too loud during lunch; everyone keeps their conversations relatively quiet, since a lot of my classmates take this time to study as well. From my seat, I can pick up on snippets of conversations, but if I don't concentrate on one, they all blend together in a cacophony of noise.

The period passes without me being able to seriously study. I'll have to make up for the lost time later, once I get home. My next class is band, so I can have a period free of distractions. Nothing exists except for me and the music- and occasionally the others in the ensemble, too, but only when they're being obnoxious.

One of the good things about playing keyboard in the band is that I don't need to tune it, or use an excessive amount of breath to the point of near hyperventilation. All I need to do is make sure I'm playing loud enough to hear myself. Which, in effect, is very loud and yet still drowned out by the others.

"Ah, Miss Akamatsu!" Mr. Honda, the band teacher, steps over rows of students and their instruments to get to me in the back. That's another thing I like; I'm able to do my own thing, and nobody bothers me. Usually. "Have you thought about the solo offer?"

"I have." For about an hour total, but I don't need to tell him that.

He raises his eyebrows in expectation. I want to shrink away, but I can't exactly do that. I'm the only one this far back. "And?"

I can't say I need more time to think, so… "Sure. I'll do it."

Mr. Honda claps once. "Wonderful! I'm really glad you've taken this opportunity. We can begin working on it after school, say- Thursdays?"

I freeze for a split second before slowly shaking my head. "Actually, Thursdays won't work for me." Who knows whether or not I'll be going to more counseling sessions.

"Okay, then. Tuesdays?" That doesn't seem like a problem, so I nod. "Perfect. We'll start next week and have you in shape for the solo in no time."

With a final smile, he turns and makes his way to the front, ready to start class. I'm ready, too; ready to strain my ears to hear my own music.

But it's fine, really. When I practice at home, I hear myself play. Whoever is in my house hears me play. That's all the validation I need.

X-X-X

Another sour note came from the piano, followed by a frustrated groan.

"It's alright, Mei. Try again." Kaede met her daughter's eight-year-old frustration with a patient smile. She'd heard the same sequence of notes probably twenty times already, but still she remained calm.

"Okay." Mei took a deep breath before positioning her hands like Kaede had taught her to. She started slowly playing, the familiar yet simple melody laid out in front of her. Once she got to the trouble spot, she lingered a second extra before hesitantly pressing a key- the right one. With a wide grin, she finished the line, throwing her hands up when she finished.

Kaede grinned at her, clapping. "See, you did it! I'm so proud of you."

Mei threw her little arms around Kaede, who was surprised for a moment before hugging her back. "Thanks, Mommy," Mei whispered into her. Kaede could just hear her smile.

"Of course, honey." She could not possibly be prouder of her daughter. Her own daughter, who wanted to learn piano without any prompting, who didn't give up no matter what she was faced with. God, she loved Mei so much.

She glanced at the clock, smoothing back Mei's pigtails. "Let's clean up now, your dads will be over for dinner soon."

Mei's face lit up with a grin; Kaede knew she'd been looking forward to this all day. She was glad that the four of them got along so well. "Can I play for them later? Pleeeease?"

"I think they would love to hear you play." And they would; they loved Mei almost as much as Kaede did. She held her hand out, and Mei hopped off of the bench. "Come on, let's go start dinner."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we have one of my favorite characters coming in- and I'm sure a lot of you can guess who! I don't have much else to say other than that haha


	6. Something Like Normal

I never remembered the office Kokichi works in being so daunting. The few times I came when I was little, it seemed relaxed and normal. Now that I'm seeing it again, from a different perspective this time, I can't help but notice the tense atmosphere. Although, that's probably just me. Everyone else seems to be relaxed enough.

My eyes flit around the waiting area, scanning every detail. The few people in the area are reading magazines or are on their phones, waiting for someone to come out of an office or for their own turn. They seem like something out of a movie. They're too quiet. I don't know how they can be so calm.

I got out of walking home with Hikari and Tadaaki fairly easily, more than I expected. My excuse was that my dads wanted me home earlier today for whatever reason, and they didn't question me. Honestly, I can't be sure if that's good or bad, though they're probably just giving me space like they're parents likely suggested doing.

The clock seems to move slowly, seconds barely ticking by. Four o'clock doesn't seem to want to come anytime soon. The secretary looks over a me briefly with a kind smile. A door opens and shuts behind a twenty-something man. The secretary deals with him before catching my eye again and waving me into the office he came out of.

The first thing I notice is the sweet smell of the room, like an array of fruit and baked goods. Then I notice the simple decorations, the warm tan of the walls. Finally, I notice the therapist herself, Ms. Gekkogahara. Kokichi told me that she's seen many different kinds of patients in her years, and is very experienced in all fields.

But she's definitely different from what I originally expected. She's younger, for one, and sits in a wheelchair with a scarf wrapped so her mouth can't be seen. A cute bunny icon moves in what seems to be an idle position from a video game on her computer screen. She's distracted, glancing at the monitor facing her. "Hello?"

Ms. Gekkogahara looks up at me and moves her scarf down before folding her hands in front of her. "Hello there. Mei Akamatsu, correct?" Her voice is soft, though sounds worn, like she hasn't used it in years. It's an odd mix, but for some reason sounds comforting.

"That's right." I have to admit, I'm likely more nervous than I need to be; Ms. Gekkogahara seems friendly enough already.

"It's nice to meet you. My name is Ms. Gekkogahara, but you can call me Miaya." She motions to the bunny on the screen. "This is Usami. In a way, she's my assistant, despite her status as an AI."

I nod slowly, as though it makes perfect sense, though I'm completely confused.

"I want to start by asking why you're here. Your parents technically told me why when they made this appointment, but I want to hear it from you. I know it's straight to the point, but I can help more if I know what kind of help you're looking for."

I take a breath, crossing my arms over my chest. "My mom died a couple weeks ago. My dads told me to come. I don't think I need any help."

Miaya nods, not taking her eyes off of me for a moment. "First off, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a parent is never easy. But if you don't think you need help, I won't force help on you."

My eyes widen a touch, and my posture straightens. "Really?" Does this mean I'm free to go? That was quick and relatively painless.

"Really." Miaya looks to Usami quick before refocusing on me. "In my experience, forced help does about as much good as no help at all. There is no need to give help to someone who isn't receptive of it."

Well, it's safe to say that I'm surprised by that. "What are you going to do, then?"

"Talk. Get to know you in a casual setting." Miaya's lips quirk up into a smile. "This used to be much harder for me to do, so I like to get to know those I meet through conversation."

That sounds okay to me. Talking doesn't necessarily hurt. "Okay. What do you want to know?"

Miaya thinks for a moment, her fingers playing with the tip of her scarf. "Could you tell me about your family? Then I'll tell you about mine."

Totally not a suspicious topic. Ask about Mom and then switch the conversation to my family in general. Perfectly natural, of course. "Well, I'm an only child. It's- was- me and Mom for as long as I can remember. My dads live down the street a couple blocks. I live with them now." I shrug. "Not much else to tell. I have an aunt, my mom's twin, and her husband."

"Kokichi is married to your biological father, right?" I nod. "He's mentioned you a few times before in the past." Miaya leans forward a bit. "If you don't mind me asking, what was the relationship between your mom and dad?"

"They were never married to begin with. They were friends from high school, and Mom wasn't with anyone but still wanted a biological kid. A few conversations, a sperm donation, and nine months later, here I am." I'm used to telling the story to alleviate the curiosity of those who ask. Now, though, I'm getting kind of squirmy talking about Mom. It was different when she was there with me to answer for herself. "Your turn."

Miaya nods, leaning back again. "Fair enough. My parents were always together, and raised me and my older brother." She gestures to her wheelchair, which I now notice is a nice shade of red. "I think I was the harder one to raise, between this and how shy I used to be. Apart from them, my mother's parents were around a lot, and I saw my aunts and uncles from time to time."

Already, Miaya's family sounds so much bigger than my own, especially now. I always liked how small my family was, but a large one sounds good right about now. "This is going to sound dumb, but what about Usami?"

Once again, Miaya looks fondly over at the bunny icon. "That's not dumb. Usami has been with me for as long as I can remember, in some form or another. She was my favorite stuffed toy as a child." Her eyes slide back over to me. "She used to talk for me sometimes." She types a line out on her keyboard, and when she hits enter, Usami moves and starts talking. "Like this."

I'm almost surprised by how cutesy Usami's voice is. Almost. I want to ask more about her, but this is so Miaya can get to know me, not the other way around. I'm already feeling a little more comfortable with her, as odd as that is. She just has that kind of presence. No matter how stubborn I can be, she's opening me up. Drat.

"Alright, how about you tell me some of your favorite parts about your family. I'm curious to know more." She gives me a quick smile, as though that will make me want to answer more. But I suppose I have no choice.

"I think my favorite part of my family is Panta, the cat my dads adopted." Miaya nods in recognition of the name. No doubt Kokichi's shown off pictures of her. "She's only a couple years old, but she's really sweet. She's the one who puts up with me the most, I think." A small, melancholy laugh escapes my lips before I can stop it; same with the words that follow. "Mom and I never had a pet because she's- was- allergic, and Kokichi would always joke about covering himself in Panta's fur so he wouldn't have to socialize."

Miaya laughs a bit. If she notices my slip-up, how I keep correcting myself, she doesn't mention it. "That sounds like him."

I want to steer the conversation away from me and Mom again; I know I talk about her, but I don't want to right now. "What about you? I'm guessing you have a bunny named Usami."

"Close. Her name is Monomi."

The rest of the hour goes like that: Miaya asking me questions that I suspect are somehow tied to Mom, me avoiding them and asking her questions in return. She stops the conversation five minutes before the hour is up.

"So, Mei," she says, folding her hands again. "I said at the beginning that I wouldn't force help on you, but I'm sure you noticed a common topic in my questions. Several times during our conversation, you've brought up your mom on your own, but you hurried to change the subject immediately after. I'm not sure if you noticed this yourself, but you also curled into yourself a little."

I actually hadn't noticed that I'd been doing that. I thought my posture remained the same, though looking at my shoulders now, I realize that they're hunched like I'm working over a desk at school. Instinctively, I straighten. "I guess."

"It's clear that any mention of your mother hurts you. You're used to being around her constantly, so it's only natural to be hurt by her absence. Here is what I suggest: come back next week, if you want, and I will help you manage your grief. As I said before, though, I won't force you into any decision. It's entirely up to you."

This isn't part of the original deal. I want to say no, but Miaya is nice, and just maybe she can help me through this. At least, if I let her. "Okay." I duck my head and whisper, "thank you."

"Of course." Miaya slides a business card towards me. "Here's my email and phone number, in case you need to reach me before then. I'll see you next week."

"See you next week." I take the business card and slide it around in my palm so that it's half-hidden under my sleeve. I open and close the door behind me, looking out into the waiting room. Kokichi is already waiting for me in one of the chairs.

He stands as I approach, and I remember once again how much taller I am than him. "Ready to go, Mei-flower?" I shoot him a half-hearted glare at the nickname, but I nod. "Alright, good. We still have to make dinner before Shu gets home."

I make my own appointment with the secretary for the same time next week before we leave. The air is more biting than it was on the walk over, so it's good that we're driving home; I didn't wear a coat this morning. Winter is going to be here before I know it.

"You're going back next week?" He obviously heard me make the appointment, so it's a rhetorical question, but I nod anyway. "Miaya's a friendly woman, isn't she?"

"Yeah. She's pretty nice." I don't really want to talk about the counseling, though. So, yet again, I change the topic. I'm quickly becoming a master at that. "What should we make for dinner?"

Kokichi thinks for a second, switching lanes. "I'm pretty sure we have a frozen pizza we can make, something simple before going to Kaito and Maki's for dinner tomorrow. What do you say?"

I turn my head so the little bit of sun that's still out hits and warms my cheek. "Sounds perfect. I still have homework and studying, anyway."

He makes a face. "I know I've mentioned it before, but that was my least favorite part of school. At least I technically don't have to do that anymore."

"Lucky you." I watch a couple buildings pass. "What was your favorite part of school, then?" I don't think he ever told me.

He hums under his breath before answering. "My high school class, back at Hope's Peak. The moment I walked into class that first day, I was instantly the most popular."

"That was a lie, wasn't it."

He smiles tiredly, pulling into our driveway. Something about it feels off, as though we're in a touchy subject. "Either I've lost my touch, or I've taught you well." He parks and unbuckles, already getting out. "Come on, let's slide that pizza into the oven and get you studying."

It's not until later that I realize he didn't answer my question truthfully.

X-X-X

I nearly collapse with exhaustion after my final test of the day. I don't know how Hikari is still going, especially with soccer practice, though the season is winding down. I basically fall onto the bench to watch and wait for Tadaaki. Tests always take too much out of me.

At least I have dinner to look forward to. Our family dinners are always fun, a good chance to relax for a few hours. Once he sits down next to me, I can tell that he's excited, too. He's practically bouncing in his seat, and I find myself questioning how much sugar he'd had.

"Just watching you is giving me a sugar crash," I say, my eyes following the ball on the field just before one of Hikari's teammates kicked it into the goal.

"I have done absolutely nothing all day. How else do you expect me to get my energy out?" He doesn't stop bouncing, not that I expect him to. Nothing can contain his energy.

"I don't know. Go join Hikari's practice or something."

It's a challenge; we both know it. I feel a familiar smirk crawl onto my lips as Tadaaki grins at me. If it weren't for Hikari's practice, she'd be the one to talk us out of whatever dumb challenge we have going on. Without her acting as Tadaaki's impulse control- and mine, for that matter- I have free reign over issuing challenges. In her face.

I know he would follow through, too, but as if on cue, Hikari comes jogging over, switching from her cleats back into her flats. "Ready to go?"

"But I was just about to do a challenge," Tadaaki pouts. Hikari looks over to me, expecting an explanation. I suppose I have to assume responsibility.

"I told him that if he wanted to get his energy out to join your practice."

Hikari looks about five seconds away from slapping either herself or me. "You two are just asking for a detention from Coach, honestly." She lets her hair out of its ponytail, combing it out with her fingers. "Let's get going so we can freshen up before dinner."

I wink at Tadaaki behind Hikari's back as we start walking. We'll get around to the challenge later.

Most of the way home, Tadaaki and I bicker about what will or will not result in detention, destruction of property, or personal injury. I'm fairly certain that Hikari is silently judging our sanity, though she really should be used to these conversations. We've been having them since the moment Tadaaki first expressed an interest in parkour and taking my challenges. That's often the source of many of Tadaaki's groundings. It feels good to return to something so familiar.

A couple blocks away from Dad's house, Hikari suddenly gets this giant smile on her face. "Uh-oh, what's this for?"

"Nothing." But she giggles almost as soon as she says that. "Okay, okay. I'll tell you guys."

I eye the street signs as Hikari giggles again. Tadaaki gives me a strange look, and I don't blame him. This is so incredibly unlike Hikari. "Better hurry up. You have one more block."

"Okay. So." She pauses again. "Okay." I start to wonder what happened to the quiet Hikari I've always known. "I met the love of my life today!"

I shoot a quick glance to Tadaaki, silently telling him that I've got this covered. "I didn't know Emma Watson is in town."

Hikari shoves her shoulder into mine. "I'm serious! Remind me to tell you later. You, too, Tadaaki. You're not escaping this one."

I nod and step onto my driveway, giving Tadaaki a pitying look. He still has a couple more streets to go with her. "Got it. See you in a couple hours." Hikari practically skips away, and I wonder why she brought it up so late in the conversation. I figure I'll find out soon enough, in a couple hours at the earliest. I don't mind waiting, but I have to admit that I'm a bit curious. Hikari never really declares undying love for anyone other than Emma Watson and a couple fictional characters, so I don't know how to handle this or if it'll last.

Even though it's Friday, I'm sure that I'm going to have to do some of my homework before my dads get home, just so I have more time over the weekend. It's not like I have any plans, but just in case any come up, it'll be good to have some of my work out of the way. So I greet Panta at the door and wander to my room, emptying the contents of my bag onto my desk.

I still didn't completely finish my lunch today. I'll have to start packing smaller portions for a while.

One of my CDs is already waiting for me in my CD player; all I have to do is press play. After that, I'm alone in the world of Mom's music and my homework, the way I work most effectively. No distractions, apart from Panta trying to curl up in my lap. That one, at least, is welcome.

By the time Kokichi gets home, I'm already halfway done and decide it's a good time for a break. I hang around the kitchen with him, joking around for an hour before Dad comes home and we're ready to go.

General consensus with these dinners is that nobody is to bring anything- no dessert, salad, nothing. According to Mom, this was originally to keep Aunt Kirumi from making everything when it wasn't her turn, but also to give those not cooking a full night off. Dinner usually rotates between our four- three- houses about once a month.

I can hardly remember the last one, back in July. It was a cookout at Hikari's house, but Mom and I left early. I remember vaguely that my dads offered to let me stay the night with them, but I refused so I could keep an eye on Mom, whose condition was worsening at that point. That was what I was focused on that entire night, why I can't remember the conversations I had with Hikari and Tadaaki, or even my dads.

Tonight will be different. I'm going to find out what's going on with Hikari and her "true love," joke around with my friends and family, forget my stress and worry for a night. That's what these nights are always for, and almost never fail to do.

We have to wear our lighter jackets on the way; it's definitely colder now that the sun is setting earlier. I can almost see my breath billowing out in front of my as I talk, saying whatever comes to mind, stream-of-consciousness.

I can tell that Hikari and her moms are already there when we arrive. I hear Aunt Miu's raucous laughter before we're even inside the house, she's that loud. Kokichi brightens a little, and I can just tell that he has something in mind for a jab towards her- apparently they've had a bit of a rivalry ever since high school. Same thing with Kokichi and Uncle Kaito. According to Mom, Kokichi had been rivals of some sort with everyone in their high school class. Honestly, I can see that being the case. It's not too far fetched.

"Be nice," Dad sighs out before we enter. Kokichi rolls his eyes, but we all know that whatever jokes are made are both inevitable and in good spirit. The jokes are harmless, even though murder flashes in Aunt Maki's eyes sometimes. We're all used to that by now.

The moment we step inside, my nose is bombarded with the heavenly smells of dinner. For a moment, I think that Aunt Kirumi prepared dinner, since she's one of the best that I know. Uncle Kaito is a close second, though.

"Maki, Kaito, I know you've missed me!" Kokichi shouts into the house in a sing-song voice. I roll my eyes behind his back, hiding a secret grin with Dad. Honestly, sometimes Kokichi acts like more of a teenager than I do, but I suppose that's why we get along so well.

I see Aunt Maki's gaze shift to Dad. "Shuichi, didn't I tell you to leave him at home this time?"

Dad smiles, obviously in on whatever joke Aunt Maki is trying to make. "Nice to see you, too." I wave to the adults as well before going to find Hikari and Tadaaki, likely in his room. When we have dinners is the only time Tadaaki ever cleans his room, at least a little. Though, sometimes it's funny to see Hikari have to take a breath to keep herself from cleaning it.

They're both lying upside-down on Tadaaki's bed, and their legs are propped up against the wall. I join them, flopping onto the bed in a way that makes the mattress bounce a little, announcing my presence. "What're we doing?"

Tadaaki turns his head towards me. "I'm trying to figure out why Hikari is acting so starstruck over a crush."

"This again?" I reach my hand over Tadaaki's head, flicking the side of Hikari's. "Just tell us who this mysterious girl is that you're allegedly in love with. The world wants to know."

"Fiiiine." Her voice sounds breathier than usual, more sing-songy. She must really have it bad. "She's a foreign exchange student who's in my study hall- the one while you have band. She's from America."

Beside her, Tadaaki retches. "Do I really have to hear this? It's gross."

Hikari smacks his arm. "Like we didn't have to hear about that crush on your classmate last year."

"Wait, you're in love with a _foreign exchange student?_ Kari, she's literally going home at the end of the school year." I pause. "Or, like, halfway through the next school year. American school is weird."

"That doesn't matter. She's really smart- I heard her hold an entire conversation in flawless Japanese _and_ I've heard she knows how to write kanji- and she's just gorgeous and hilarious." Hikari's cheeks are flushed pick at this point, just talking about this girl. She doesn't even get this flustered with Emma Watson, who she's had a crush on since the Harry Potter movies.

Tadaaki sighs loudly. "I love you both, but I really don't want to be hearing this right now. I'm too young for this."

He remains ignored, at least for the time being. "You know this is going to end in your own heartbreak. Besides, you barely talk in class at all, and you expect to woo her in time to date her for a couple months before she goes home forever?" I shrug and sigh at Hikari's lovesick expression. As much as I want her to realize what will be her reality, the turmoil I feel is telling me that I need to be a good friend about this. "But I guess if you really like her, you should go for it. Viva la vida, and all that."

Yet again, Tadaaki groans. "So this is gonna be a thing now, isn't it? Great. Just great."

Now it's my turn to smack his other arm. "Your friends probably talk about cute girls all the time. How is this any different?"

"You guys are like my sisters. That makes it automatically weird." He looks over at Hikari's hopeful face. He obviously thinks the same thing I do. "But I guess if you really want to…"

Hikari basically rolls on top of him to hug him, trying to reach me before I can roll out of range. "Thanks, guys!" She flops back onto her back. "Okay. Someone else talk now."

"Dinner's ready." I tilt my head back to see Aunt Maki standing in the doorway with her arms crossed and a tiny smile on her lips. She probably just saw that. Flawless timing, as usual.

"Thanks, Mom!" Before either of us can move, Tadaaki does a backwards somersault off of his bed. He lands on his feet, running past his mom and leaving me and Hikari in the dust.

Aunt Maki lingers in the doorway for us to push ourselves up off the bed. "Is he behaving himself?"

"He's fine, don't worry." Hikari flashes one of her polite smiles, earning a nod in return. She's always seen as the most responsible one in our friend group because, let's be honest, she is. It's always been that way.

The adults are still talking when we arrive at the table. I'm not specifically sure what they're talking about, but it seems like Dad and Aunt Kirumi are enjoying a separate, calmer conversation. Between them and Aunt Maki, plus Kokichi, Uncle Kaito, and Aunt Miu, there are two distinct types of conversations going on at once. I'm not sure why, but at first, it seems louder than it always had before.

Mom used to be the peacekeeper. That's why.

A new round of dread settles in my stomach as I sit down, stealing what's left of my appetite. It'll be suspicious if I don't eat, though. I'll have to force myself.

"This looks delicious, Kaito. Thank you," Aunt Kirumi says. The gōyā chanpurū does look very appetizing. This is one of my favorite meals, and Uncle Kaito makes it best. It'll definitely look strange if I don't have any now, and I know that I'll be raiding the kitchen at midnight if I don't eat.

Everyone else doesn't waste any time to begin. We usually have smaller lunches so we can eat more at dinner since it's always so good. Conversation is exchanged as I pick at my plate, pushing bits and pieces around before selecting one to eat. My stomach doesn't feel any different between having not eaten and eating a little.

"So, Mei, when's your next band concert? I've been looking forward to it for a while," Uncle Kaito says. All eyes fall on me, and my hand freezes from pushing around my food more.

"A couple months, in December. This one is smaller; the next big one is in March. I'm going to have a solo in that one." Might as well throw that detail in there so it doesn't seem like I'm being vague.

Aunt Miu grins at me from across the table. "That's great, kiddo! Can't wait to hear it."

Hikari elbows me in the ribs. "Yeah, you never told us about this. What gives?"

"I guess I forgot, sorry." I take another bite so I can be saved from saying anything more, at least for now.

It lasts for about ten seconds. Aunt Kirumi takes a sip of her water before speaking. "Pardon me for saying, but your mother would be so proud of you."

I nearly choke on my food. The table grows quiet, and I can feel the concerned and melancholy gazes exchange over my head as I duck it, staring down at my lap. Of all people, I didn't expect Aunt Kirumi to be the one to bring up Mom. Everyone here is still mourning, I get that. Some people mourn different than others; I guess Aunt Kirumi is okay with talking about Mom. I feel my breath hitch a bit, and I know I need to steer the conversation somehow, immediately.

"Hikari has a crush," I blurt out, and immediately Hikari bursts into smiles and giggles as Aunt Miu and Kokichi basically lunge across the table with questions. Dad catches my eye as Hikari starts answering the questions thrown at her from her moms and the others. His gaze, laced with the most subtle pain, is asking me a question, but I don't know what it is or how to respond. I look back at my plate and keep forcing down food until there's nothing left.

The rest of the night's conversation blurs in my mind. Once we're all at the dinner table, that's where we stay chatting for the remainder of the night; that's how it always is. So I have nowhere to run, not like I would let myself cry in front of everyone. The last couple times were mistakes; I don't like crying when other people can see me. That vulnerability just makes me feel uncomfortable.

By the end of the night, I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. A day of tests, plus this, is not the easiest load to bear. I'm yawning and drowsy by ten, about an hour before we usually leave. Dinners are a long affair.

Dad notices quickly and makes some excuse. I'm not sure what it is, but we leave soon after. I'm fairly certain my steps seem like I'm staggering drunkenly. It certainly feels that way to me.

"Mei, are you feeling alright?" Dad asks, placing the back of his hand on my forehead and then my cheek once we get outside. "You don't feel warm to me."

"Mm." I shake my head, taking a couple steps ahead of them. "I'm fine. Just tired." That's a lie, and we all know it. I'm not sure if Kokichi or Dad is going to call me out on it, or if I should call myself out on it, or just leave it be.

I don't walk too fast, but fast enough that Dad and Kokichi stay a step or two behind, likely holding hands behind my back. That's perfectly fine with me; I'm not sure my stomach can take PDA on top of everything else.

"I'm going to bed," I say the moment we're in the house, sidestepping Panta. She glances back at me as though I physically hurt her. "Good night."

"Honey, if you aren't feeling well, please let us know." Dad's tone has a hint of both concern and something like panic it in. I'm not sure about the latter; maybe it's something else?

"I'm fine." The same words repeat in my head as I go to my room, hugging my stomach. It doesn't hurt, per say, but it still feels like it's turning in knots. Too many reminders of Mom in one night did this to me. I need to take the night and clear my mind, but how can I do that without staying up all night?

I pull on my pajamas and crawl under my sheets. My door is closed all the way, tightly. There's no chance of overheard conversations or Panta wandering in tonight. My sheets wrap tightly around me, making me into a bit of a cocoon. Still I shudder, my shoulders heaving back and forth. My stomach doesn't stop feeling like it's dropping the entire time.

I'm a cocoon. But I don't think I'll be turning into a butterfly after this.

X-X-X

Kaede startled a bit when Mei came home from school that day, slamming the door behind her as she came in. "You alright, honey?"

She didn't get an answer until Mei came into the kitchen where she was, plopping onto a chair and dropping her backpack next to her. "Mommy, can I swear?"

"What?" It was the strangest request, one she never thought she'd hear from a ten year old. She knelt down next to Mei so they could be on the same level. "I...guess? Since it's just the two of us." That was how she was supposed to respond to that, right?

Mei took a breath, her face screwed up with a thousand different shades of anger. This could not be good. "Cuz a bunch of kids in my class are absolute butthole jerks!" Kaede had to stifle her laughter. If those were what Mei thought were swear words, then she must not have been paying as much attention to Miu's language as she thought. Good.

"And why is that?"

Mei crossed her arms, not meeting Kaede's eyes. "They were making fun of Hikari. They were calling her weird for not having a dad, and for having two moms. But Aunt Miu and Aunt Kirumi are super cool, so I yelled at them." She looked up through her eyelashes. "Hikari and I are friends now, so that's cool, I guess."

"Oh." That was all she could think of to say; there was so much to unpack in that statement. She took a moment to organize her thoughts. "It's maybe not so good that you yelled in class, but I'm proud of you for standing up for Hikari. I know you two don't get along-"

"We do now. It's fine." Mei's tense stance relaxed, the anger dissipating from her features. "She was too quiet to do anything for herself, and I wasn't about to leave her like that."

Kaede nodded, silently reminding herself to call Kirumi and Miu later about this, on the large chance that Hikari didn't mention it to them herself, as well as their teacher. "Okay. I'm glad you stood up for her. Next time, don't yell, okay? Just tell your teacher, and they'll get the other kids to stop."

"Okay." Mei perked up, remembering something. "We're going to their house for dinner next week, right? I can't wait to hang out with Hikari!"

She got up from her chair, running into her room- to do what, Kaede had no idea. This was a total three-sixty from barely speaking to Hikari for nine years. Poor Tadaaki always had to be a barrier between them, ever since he was born. Admittedly, she was glad for the change, and she was sure that Miu and Kirumi would feel the same way. She had a feeling that everything was just going to go uphill from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay for the record I freaking love Miaya, and now you know how Mei and Hikari became friends. Also, just for the record, I have something very evil coming up in a few chapters, just to torture yall :3


	7. New Face, Familiar Place

I find out quickly after school Tuesday that I sorely misjudged the solo Mr. Honda wants me to learn. I was under the impression that it was just going to be a couple of measures in the middle of a full-ensemble piece; no big deal.

Yeah. No. What I'm looking at is definitely not just a couple measures. It's three pages of music, the usual length for one of our band's pieces. I've heard this piece a few times before; Mom could practically play it in her sleep.

"This is for the March concert, right?" If need be, I can learn this in a week on my own for the smaller December concert. These after-school practices will help me perfect it for sure, especially if he's expecting me to perform it without him conducting me. But if it's for March, I'm not quite sure why I'm starting to work on it so early.

"Right. I thought this would be a good time to more formally introduce your talent to the audience, since we both know it's hard to be heard over everyone else." He leans back in his chair, the one with wheels that he likes spinning in during lessons. "It'll probably be better to meet every few weeks, since I'm sure you won't have a problem with learning this."

He's right on that account. Every few weeks seems more reasonable, especially with winter break coming up soon enough; just later this week, it'll be November. And of course I understand the frustration of not being heard over the band, but I don't mind, really. It's no reason to give me an entire solo piece that I'm sure nobody except my family cares about.

"Should I try sight reading first, then?" That's what I always do with new music; I sight read first before working on trouble spots, transitions, dynamics, everything else. He beckons for me to go for it, and I straighten my posture, placing my hands on the keys the way Mom taught me when I was little and first started my interest in piano.

The beginning of the song isn't too difficult; I've played harder. The middle is where it starts to get tricky, when it speeds up and I have to get my hands across the keys in a very short amount of time. I mess up a handful of times, but that's to be expected the first time through. This piece has more accidentals than usual, but that's not a problem for the most part. They're nothing to sweat if you know how to decipher them.

The song itself is serene, yet hopeful; a look towards the future. I nearly laugh at the bitter irony of that message. If he hadn't been talking about this solo for a couple months, I would've been sure he planned it. But when I play it through, it's just notes. No emotion behind it, just like before. I speed up when I need to, try to adhere to dynamics where I can without overwhelming myself. Still no emotion.

My fingers linger on the keys a moment longer than they need to once I finish. I don't want to look up from the music to see Mr. Honda's face, who's probably wondering why it sounds so awful without any emotion running through it. I can't face that.

"That was good." Yeah, right. That's a lie. It sounded awful to me, all sour notes and different paces where there shouldn't have been. It sounded nothing like when Mom played it, sweet and sincere. If I don't sound like that playing it, then what's the point? That's how it's supposed to sound. "Why don't you go through it again?"

I do. Again and again, getting better slowly until the half hour is up. I'm still not satisfied, but it has to do; Hikari and Tadaaki are outside the band room window, waving and making faces at me. Mr. Honda sends me off with a copy of the music that I know I won't touch for at least another day and promises to meet with me again in two more weeks.

"How's the solo going?" Tadaaki asks me immediately upon meeting up with them.

"It's alright. I played through it a couple times, nothing special."

Hikari grins at me. "Please. You're crazy good. Give yourself some more credit."

I frown, the thought that had been tormenting me for that entire half hour slipping off of my tongue. "Not as good as Mom." They grow silent, and I can tell that they're trading concerned gazes even though my eyes are trained on the ground. "Was today your last soccer practice?"

"For the season, yeah. Now I can't wait for April to come again." She and Tadaaki start talking about the winter sports clubs, and I nod along when necessary. I try banishing the thought from my head, but the sheet music burns in my backpack; I can feel the heat radiating through my body.

Hikari stops me just before I can start walking into my house, grabbing onto my sleeve. "Mei."

"What?" I relax my arm, though I know Hikari isn't strong enough to tear the fabric. Yes, I've been spacy, and I know they noticed, but I didn't think they would say anything about it.

"Don't forget you can talk to us. Whatever you're feeling, whatever you need to get off your chest." She lets go of my sleeve with a soft smile, stepping back next to Tadaaki. "We're right here."

I search their faces for a moment. Of course they're right there; they're always there for me. They were there when I cried about Mom's diagnosis. They were there when I was having trouble concentrating in class and after school because I was so worried. And, of course, they were there after Mom's death. But for the life of me, I can't bring myself to talk to them about this. I can barely think about it to myself without wanting to stop, or to cry, or to just disappear into my room forever. I'm a wreck, and I can't talk to anyone about it.

I manage a watery smile. "I know."

X-X-X

Wednesday passes, and then it's Thursday and my second meeting with Miaya. It's not much different than the first. I don't want to talk about Mom, so I avoid the topic. Miaya, for her part, is patient with me, not at all frustrated, which I appreciate.

Friday isn't eventful, either. Dad comes home early, and we talk a lot at the dinner table, but that's about it. I don't expect anything exciting for the weekend, either; I think I'll practice if I can bring myself to do that, or play a board game with Kokichi while we wait for Dad to come home. We don't want to do anything too fun without him sharing the experience.

"Rise and shine, Mei-flower. We've got a busy day ahead of us!" Kokichi opens my curtains early, ignoring my groans as I roll over in bed. It's not even sunny out; I can hear the rain from under my covers. "I'm serious, come on. We're gonna leave without you if you can't get your lazy butt up."

"Pot calling the kettle black, huh." Usually he sleeps in on the weekends as late as I do, sometimes even later. I crack an eye open, peering through a gap between my covers and bed. "What did you have in mind?"

My covers are yanked off of me in one fluid motion. "I'll tell you once you come downstairs for breakfast. Shuichi's already waiting."

Now I'm intrigued. I sit up with a yawn, shaking off my remaining fatigue. "I thought he had work?"

"Not today. Now get dressed and come on, there's no time to waste." He leaves my room with a conspiratorial wink, one that I know always means trouble.

I'm up and dressed in record time- any surprise including Dad not being at work is bound to be a good one. I can already smell pancakes cooking from my room. That breakfast is special in this house, one that I usually have whenever I come over for a special weekend. Something really good must be happening.

"Morning, Sunshine," Dad jokes over his tea. He must see it in my face. I can't help that Kokichi's promise of a surprise pumped me up more than any morning usually can.

"So? What are our plans?" I slide into my seat, already pouring myself some orange juice.

Kokichi grins, nudging Dad as he puts a plate of pancakes on the table. "I told you that would get her down here quicker." He sits in his own chair, spearing a pancake and leaving me in anticipation for an extra moment. "We're all going to visit D.I.C.E. today."

"Really?" I've only gone to visit D.I.C.E. twice before; it's an honor reserved for very special occasions. The last time I went was when I was ten, about five years ago. Since then, I've only gotten verbal updates when I ask, but I had so much fun that one time. "Cool, when are we going?"

"As soon as we want." I nod, taking a couple pancakes and some fruit for myself. Kokichi always makes the pancakes plain rather than making a few different batches because of our different preferences; I like strawberries, Dad likes chocolate chips, and Kokichi likes blueberries. "Don't eat so fast that you'll choke, though. They can wait."

Right as Dad says that, I cut my pancakes into smaller pieces. "I won't." I look up at him, and I can feel the teasing look in my eyes. It feels good to have that small spark in me again.

We leave right after breakfast. D.I.C.E. headquarters isn't too far of a drive, but the rain slows us down considerably; the roads are very slick thanks to the downpour. The rhythmic rapping of the rain on the roof of the car is strangely calming, though listening to Dad and Kokichi sing along to the song on the radio is considerably less so. They laugh as I critique them, but they don't really care. I honestly don't care, either; it's just fun to tease them.

Headquarters is actually pretty nice; it's a bit of a larger house on the outside of town, inconspicuous while also being the perfect place for a larger group of people to be living. Most of the older members usually move out and live in the houses surrounding it, in order to keep an eye on the younger members living there.

Kokichi unlocks the door with his spare key, throwing it open with an air of drama; he always had a flair for that, I know. "Hey, everyone! I'm here!"

One of the older members, a man I vaguely recognize, gets up from his seat on the couch to greet us. On a closer look, he kind of reminds me of Uncle Kaito, except with blond hair and a different air about him. "Nice to see you again, Boss, Shuichi." His eyes shift over to me. "And Mei? You've grown since the last time I've seen you!"

"How's everything been running, Three?" I almost forgot that the original members are usually referred to with numbers rather than by name, though Kokichi never explained why. So soon into this visit, though, and he already looks like he's home.

"Swimmingly. We've got that new recruit from a couple weeks ago all settled in." My mind and eyes already start to wander from the conversation, looking around the room. It's definitely big enough for quite a few people to live in at once, and I see a couple here and there. I wonder just how many people live here.

A slim figure catches the corner of my eye, disappearing around a bend. My eyes flicker back to my dads and Three; they're so enraptured in their conversation, they probably won't notice or mind if I slip off. I won't go outside, so it's fine.

I follow where I saw the figure go, nodding a hello to some of the members I recognize from pictures that Three sent Kokichi before. At this point, I have no idea where this person is, or where they're going, but I don't want to stop looking. I'm fully intrigued- or, as Mom used to jokingly put it, in Detective Mode.

And just like that, I lose focus again. My search leads me to a bay window; a dead end. I must've taken a wrong turn or something. Nobody's here, just a window with rain pelting it. It's the strangest thing.

"Who're you?"

"Holy-" I twist and jump back, nearly crashing into the window. I bite my tongue to prevent myself from swearing; I know that there are sometimes kids as young as ten here. As I raise my eyes from the ground, I'm met with a boy's figure, around sixteen or seventeen. He's clad in the white uniform pants that I've come to associate with members of D.I.C.E., though his shirt is more simple, adorned with the trademark bandana. "Who're you?"

He cocks his head to the side, crossing his arms. His weight shifts onto one of his legs, as though he was uncomfortable in his previous stance. "I asked you first."

Oh. So he's _that_ kind of guy. "My name is Mei. I'm just visiting."

"We don't usually get visitors around here, from what I've seen. Who're you here to see?"

I frown, drawing up to my full height- just about as tall as him. Having Mom and Dad's genes really works in my favor this time. "I answered your question. Answer mine."

"Feisty. Okay." He holds his hands up in a peace gesture that I don't quite believe. "The name's Haru. I'm one of the newest recruits." He looks me over again. "You seriously not part of D.I.C.E.? You have the attitude to hold your own."

"That's just my natural attitude. Get used to it." I try stalking past him to go back to where my dads are, but he moves to block my path. "What."

His eyebrow quirks up in a questioning fashion. He shifts again, into the same stance as before. "You're the one who followed me here. Why do you want to leave so quickly?"

"I came here with my dads. I would like to hang out with them. You're free to join if you're so interested in me, but if not, please let me pass." My patience is really wearing down now. I'm ready to push him aside if I need to.

For another moment, he doesn't move, just stands there staring at me. Then he grins, mischievous as all hell, before slinging his arm around my shoulders. "Fine, then. Let's meet these dads of yours."

I make a face and swat his arm off of my shoulders. "I didn't actually mean that. What's your deal?"

"Is it so wrong to want to get to know you better?" He shakes his head, taking a step back. His gaze slips off of mine, and in mere seconds he becomes more meek. "You just...remind me of someone, that's all."

I can't believe I'm about to do this. My eyes shut for a second, a sigh escaping my lips. "I guess you can come if you want."

The grin slips onto his face again, and in the back of my mind, I can't help but think that he acts either like an older Tadaaki or younger Kokichi. Maybe both. "Cool. I can tell I'm gonna like them already."

He follows me through the halls, back to where my dads and Three are still talking animatedly. Surely they have so much to talk about, given that the last time they talked face-to-face was a couple months ago, to my knowledge. Dad notices me return, gesturing me and Haru over.

"Hey, so you met Haru! Boss, this is the new recruit I've been telling you about." Three sends him a wave, and Haru smiles- a genuine smile, I note- in return. "Haru, this is Kokichi Saihara, the founder of D.I.C.E., and his husband Shuichi. And, of course, you've met Mei."

Haru bows to them, all business. "It's nice to meet you two." It's like his impish personality shuts off once adults are present, like a premeditated act. Interesting. "The older members talk a lot about the two of you."

Kokichi smiles, and he looks so peaceful in that moment, like this is were he's meant to be. No doubt it is. He looks like he's about to say something to Haru, but Three frowns and speaks before he can. "Though, Haru, Nine will have your hide if she catches you out of your room."

He averts his eyes when I try asking him a silent question with my own. "Fine, I'll go back. Mei, come with me?"

I look to Dad. "Go ahead. We'll come find you when we're ready to go," he says with a smile of his own. Even though this group hasn't been his family for most of his life like Kokichi, he still looks like he's comfortable and enjoying himself. Good. I'm glad. He deserves the break.

Haru leads me down the halls, turning into a room marked clearly with his name and the name of another member. "Welcome to my cave," he jokes, already back to the person I'd met minutes before.

"What was Three talking about? Nine getting mad?" I sit on the edge of his bed as he settles in against the headboard, a pillow behind his back for comfort. I get the feeling that he's used to this.

"It's nothing. I don't normally tell my life story to strangers." He's quiet for a moment, and I'm afraid I said something wrong. "Nine and Three have been real nice these past couple weeks, though."

"They seem like nice people. I don't know them too well, but I know Kokichi is really close with them. They're practically his family." Those two are the ones he contacts most often to ask about D.I.C.E. goings-on, since a few of the other older members moved, or maintain jobs where they can't talk as often as they'd like.

He nods slowly, looking up at a poster on the wall of a popular band. "Nine's been like my mom since I've come, both in the good way and the smothering way. It's nice." I watch him breathe slowly before he talks again. "Are you the type to tell your life story after just meeting someone?"

That, admittedly, is a tougher question to answer. I lean back on my hands. "I don't know. I really only talk to two people apart from my family, and I've known them my whole life. They already know my story." This conversation strikes me with a philosophical vibe, and I'm not quite sure I'm in the mood for that right now. So I do what I do best: change the topic. "What's it like, being part of D.I.C.E.? I've gotten offers to join my whole life, but I've never really considered them much."

"That's a loaded question, I suppose." He's mellowing up now. I wonder if it's the effect of the room. "I haven't been here long, so I haven't seen a lot of the pranks D.I.C.E. is infamous for, but I have seen the kind of community it is. Everyone's always joking around with each other, everyone's comfortable with each other. It's a nice change from what I'm used to."

I shouldn't ask. I want to, but I shouldn't.

My fingers tap out what I remember from my solo on my knee. "So, Haru. I know I'm probably talking in circles, but if you're supposed to be in bed- not asking why again- why were you up?"

"Being in bed gets tiring after a couple days." He shrugs, adjusting his position to be more comfortable. His socked feet poke at my side. "You can relax more, you know. I don't bite."

"Funny. I do." Joking feels natural with him, like he really is just an older version of Tadaaki. I do as he says, laying flat on my back and looking up at him. His toes poke at my side like they're going to jumper-cable me. His lips twitch into a smirk. "You remind me of someone, too, you know."

"One of the two people you talk to, right? Hopefully the one who's always dashing, handsome, the one you would spend a romantic evening-"

"I'm aromantic. And asexual." The words slip out, and usually I'm more conservative with who I share my identity with, but I feel like it's fine to share with him. I flinch internally, hoping that he's okay.

I'm right. He blinks at me and nods, his previous words already forgotten. "Cool. So who do I remind you of, then?"

I take my eyes off of him for a second. I didn't expect him to react like that, stopping the talk right away, but I'm glad he did. That makes it less uncomfortable for both of us. "My friend Tadaaki. He's like the annoying little brother I never had, like you are already acting like the annoying older brother I never had."

"See, that's funny. I was just thinking that you were like the annoying younger sister. We've already got a sibling dynamic, like soulmates, except family." I wonder if he hears the words coming out of his mouth. He's a bit of a sap, I can already tell. He would get along well with Hikari, at least now that she's in the altered state of love. "My ribs."

"What?"

He has my attention now, and I lift myself onto my elbows. "Why Nine's confined me to my room. I bruised a couple of my ribs pretty bad and messed up my knee about a week before I moved in, and she is hellbent on making sure I don't screw anything up. I'm only a couple days off of being cleared by her, but she wants to make sure I'm at one hundred percent before I do much of anything. That's where the smothering comes in." He lets out a dry laugh. "She wouldn't even let me get up at all without crutches or her help until two weeks ago. Motherly instincts, plus nurse's training."

I'm not quite sure what I should say after all of that, though it does explain why he kept shifting onto one leg earlier. His knee must still be bothering him a little. I take a breath and try something out. "That sure seems like a bit of a life story, Mr. Hypocrite."

He rolls his eyes with just the touch of a smile. "That was just a life detail, not a story. If you want to make it even, you can share one about yourself. Or not. I don't really care."

But I can tell he does. And I'm fine with that. I lower myself onto my back again and stare listlessly up at the ceiling. "I play piano in my school's band. Not as interesting as your detail, I know, but that's a central part of my life."

"Yeah? That's pretty interesting, I'd say. You can't say every day that you know someone who's suffered through piano lessons all through childhood and stuck with it." He nudges me with his foot. "You are the only one I know."

"I didn't suffer through them, though," I laugh, rolling away from his reach before settling back in. Words slip out before I can stop them. "I asked my mom to teach me. There. That's my detail."

The ceiling seems impossibly high as I just lay there. Haru doesn't move an inch. I can hear his breathing, somewhat slower than my own. Now I know that it might be because of his ribs. I stare at the ceiling as we start talking more about anything we can think of- bands, books, anything. I'm now the queen of changing topics, but he just flows with it. The conversation almost doesn't need topic changing.

Time flies quicker than I think, as Dad and Kokichi, accompanied by a young woman with her long hair brushed in pigtails, enter the room. "Mei, it's time to go."

"Already?" I groan as I push myself up, stretching out so my back and neck won't be stiff. I don't want to leave just yet.

"Nice getting to know you, Mei." Haru moves to get up before the young woman scowls at him and shakes her head. He sighs, leaning back into his pillow before she can say a single word. "Alright, Nine, alright. I'll stay down." He holds up his hands like he did with me earlier, a peace gesture. Nine's features soften just a touch, but I can tell that she won't relent an inch.

"You, too. I'll come visit sometime, alright?" And I mean it. I usually don't venture outside of my small friend group, but Haru is nice and likes my company. Who am I to deny him of it? I hold out my fist for a fist bump, and he grins and accepts.

I catch myself looking back at the headquarters as we drive off. My dads are in a good mood, of course, and I am, too. But I can't help but wonder about Haru and why he came to D.I.C.E. Even so, I don't want to ask. It would be an infringement of his privacy, not to mention going behind his back. That's something that friends just don't do.

"So, Haru, huh?" Dad sounds a bit awkward trying to start this conversation. It isn't going the way it would if I were any other girl; I came out to them at the same time I came out to Mom. "He seems like a nice friend."

"He's pretty cool. Funny, definitely." I can't say too much on the subject, since we've only talked for a couple hours. Still… "I was serious about visiting, though. Just so you know."

Kokichi smiles at me through the rearview mirror. "I thought so. Now are you sure you don't want to join D.I.C.E. yourself? White would look good on you."

A laugh escapes my lips as I roll my eyes, staring out the window at the rain. "I'm sure, thanks." I wait a beat. "For now, at least."

"You know what? I'll take it."

X-X-X

It continues storming throughout the week, to the point where I'm convinced that some ancient god has it out for anyone who walks to school. Honestly. Even with an umbrella, I'm soaked from head to toe by the time I get to school and home. My clothes are completely drenched, and I don't even want to think about how cold and wet I am by the time I get to Miaya's on Thursday.

Of course, Miaya can tell immediately. "Still raining?"

"What tipped you off?" It could be anything; my wet hair, wet clothes, the squeaking of my shoes on the floor as I come in, the rain consistently pounding on the roof and window behind her. She doesn't need to be a detective like Dad to figure this one out.

"Fair point." She brushes the tip of her scarf off of her desk; it seems to be her favorite accessory, since she's worn it every week. "Shall we start where we left off last time?"

With me essentially ignoring everything related to Mom? "Sure." I lean back a bit in my seat, getting myself comfortable. Everything is easier to bear if I'm comfortable in the seat.

"We've established that you understand that your mom is gone; you aren't in denial of that fact. So, we should start by trying to get you more accustomed to talking about her. Is there anything that's been going on recently that's at all connected to her?"

I think for a moment, winding a strand of hair around my fingers. "Did I tell you that I have a solo at my last band concert of the year?" Miaya shakes her head. "I play piano in band. Mom started teaching me when I was little." I look off to the side, remembering how excited I'd been to start learning. I wanted to be just like her, a fairly well-known pianist who traveled sometimes for the record label she worked for. Those were the times I would stay with Dad and Kokichi. "It's a long song, and it's not too difficult, but since...everything...I haven't been able to put any emotion into anything I play. Then I get frustrated, because I remember how it sounded when Mom played, with so much emotion and precision, and I can't match that. I can't turn to her for help with this anymore, and I can't just tell my band teacher that I can't take the solo because it won't sound right if I play it." I laugh dryly. "This probably isn't what you meant, but it's something."

"This is actually exactly what I meant." Her cautious eyes study my face, as I've gotten used to these past couple times. "Let's see if we can find a way to get the emotion into that piece, alright? We can work from there."

It takes the majority of the hour to figure something out. I'm not totally certain the plan will work, even by the end, but I promise her I'll try. What I need to do is channel the feelings I heard Mom play into my own heart and feel it flow through my fingers. It's purely visualization, but I told her I'll try, so I will. We spend the rest of the time talking about something other than Mom- which I appreciate. I can only do that in smaller increments at the moment. I tell Miaya about school and my recent visit to D.I.C.E., and how I've been getting along with my dads.

"I'm glad that you're getting along with them so well. I understand that moving in with someone you've only spent a couple days with overnight before can be stressful, but it seems like you're getting on fine." She smiles in that soft way of hers, that kind of smile than makes me think that she would be an excellent mother herself. That comforting smile can go miles with younger kids. And me. "It's good that you're maintaining a good sense of socializing, too, rather than closing yourself off. I'm sure your friends are happy about that."

"You could say that." My lips twitch up, thinking about the challenges I'd issued Tadaaki, and Hikari and her love escapades. I'm glad to have the consistency of them in my life, through everything.

Time runs out soon after. I'm about to leave before Miaya stops me. "Be sure to let me know when that concert is. I would love to hear you play, if you don't mind me coming."

Usually people who hear me play are there for their own kids, or because I want to play for them at home, not because they necessarily want to hear me play. I can tell that Miaya is genuine about this, too. "Of course. I'll see you next week."

Something I like about sessions with Miaya is that I leave feeling even a little lighter. However she's helping me, it's working, and I'm so relieved that it is. I'm not sure I could go my entire life avoiding talking about, or even thinking about, Mom.

I'm the one to wait for Kokichi this time around. He has a little extra work to get done, and technically I can walk home, but it'll be quicker- and drier- to wait for him to drive me home. It's not a huge problem; I can work on my homework just as easily here. I don't have much to do, besides.

The waiting area is empty apart from me and the secretary. That's fine with me; there's less to be distracted by. Then again, there's always my phone. I check my messages at least ten times before actually taking out my work. Procrastination is hitting me hard, mostly because I just don't want to do my homework. What teenager does? Well, other than Hikari.

Speak of the devil, my phone starts vibrating off the walls with messages almost as soon as I take my work out. Fate is cruel sometimes.

Of course it's Hikari blowing up my phone, texting so fast that my eyes can barely keep up. I slip in my earbuds, not even trying to catch up with those messages, and press the call button.

"Hikari, first of all, what the hell, second of all, what the hell?" I ask the moment she picks up after the first ring. At least since there's nobody here, I don't have to worry about my volume, even though I'm still relatively quiet.

"How many messages did you read?" I wince at Hikari's high-pitched voice, reserved only for when she's really excited for something. And thank goodness it is, too.

"Like half of one before they started pouring in too quickly. What's going on?"

Hikari talks about as fast as she'd been typing, and I wonder once again how someone usually so quiet can talk so fast and so much. "So I was talking to Amanda earlier about what America is like and how she likes it here and a bunch of other random stuff and I was sure I was embarrassing myself with all those questions and that she was never going to want to talk to me again but we got around to talking about some more personal stuff and she deadass asked me out right then and there and I'm kinda freaking the fuck out and my moms aren't home and Tadaaki was sick of me talking about it and then it dawned on me that you didn't know so-" She takes a deep breath finally, giving me a moment to process this information. "I have a date this weekend!"

I blink a couple times, watching Kokichi's door. "Wow. I- that's awesome. I'm glad everything worked out."

The audio muffles as Hikari sighs through the phone, and I hear a sound like she's falling backward onto her bed. Since when has she inherited Tadaaki's flair for dramatics? "I'm just so fucking happy, Mei. I know that this date is gonna be amazing." More rustling, like she sat bolt upright. "You'll come over right before, right? I need your help to get ready! Please?"

"I'll check with my dads, but it shouldn't be a problem." I can barely stifle my laughter. Love, it seems, makes Hikari into a completely different person. Interesting. "Everything's good on your end, then."

"Fucking fantastic!" Aunt Miu really couldn't control her language too well, even when we were little. That explains why Hikari is always ready to go on a swearing rant whenever she's overly excited or angry. Honestly, for someone as quiet and polite as she usually is, it's very amusing. Aunt Kirumi, on the other hand, doesn't think so, though Aunt Miu was proud the first time Hikari cussed someone out in front of them. I heard all about it from Aunt Kirumi telling Mom years ago.

"Okay, then." I glance at Kokichi's door again, and as if on cue, it opens. "I've got to go, but I'll talk to you later, alright?" Hikari bids me a quick goodbye before I hang up and stand. "Ready to go now?"

Kokichi gives me a thumbs-up. "Yup. Was that Hikari?"

"Yup." I shove what's left of my work (i.e., all of it) back into my backpack before slinging it over my shoulder. "She's got a date this weekend, so if it's alright I'm gonna go over to help her get ready."

"I don't see why not." We leave the office for the car as fast as we can since it is, in fact, still raining. "Listen, I think it's just us for dinner tonight. Shu called earlier and said he wouldn't be home until much later. The case they're working on down there is apparently tough."

Right. This happens a lot- Dad being dragged away to work late in the evening. What he does is important; I know that. I'd gotten used to the idea when I was younger. Somehow, it feels different now. But it's fine; I can brush it off. I'm fifteen. This isn't that big of a deal. Besides, he always makes up for it by spending any time he can with me and Kokichi- and, back then, Mom.

I look at Kokichi through my peripheral vision. "Is that code for a Smash tournament?"

Without even having to look, I know he's grinning. "You know it, Mei-flower."

Smash tournaments, and other game tournaments, are something the two of us used to do to "bond," though I've known him my whole life. He's always been a constant. We call it bonding for the sake that it's just something we do one-on-one to have fun when Dad worked late and I was staying over, or because Kokichi was watching me at my house before Mom came home from somewhere. It's like a tradition of ours, something just for us since we never let Dad touch Smash. For that, we play Mario Party.

The audio is just loud enough to cover the rain- fairly loud. Our dinner (leftovers) sits half-eaten in front of us as we start up the game, choosing the random stage first. I play as my main, Palutena, with whom I can usually kick Kokichi's butt no matter which player he chooses. This time around, it's Greninja. The first stage doesn't matter, since the winner always picks the next one, but it's overly gratifying to win.

"There...we...go!" I throw my hands into the air with a last-second kill, just barely registering to break our tie. Kokichi groans, leaning over the table to take a bite of his dinner. I adjust my seating with a smug grin. "Looks like I've still got it, old man."

Kokichi snorts. "Please. I'm not even forty yet. I'm still young, unlike your dad."

"You guys are literally the same age."

"Don't tell him that. I think he's under the impression that I'm still in my late twenties because of my naturally good looks." He dodges a pillow that I toss at him before refocusing on the game. "Anyway. You ready to have your dignity handed to you?"

I roll my eyes, already choosing the next stage. "You wish."

X-X-X

Kaede started recording the CDs before Mei was born. She heard somewhere that classical music was good for infants to listen to, so it was good that she loved playing it so much. By recording her playing, she'd be able to have it on while also trying to get Mei to sleep, or any number of different things. Multitasking to the rescue!

It was after Mei was born, though, that she started recording some random messages.

They were on their own separate CD, buried beneath the ones that she'd already made, full of classical music. The messages were short and sweet most of the time, sometimes poking a bit of fun by telling Mei about how she was behaving as an infant. Because as much as she didn't want to think about it, the fear often possessed her that she wouldn't be around forever to be with her daughter, and she wanted something for Mei to grow up with and remember her by should anything happen.

She knew it was foolish, but she couldn't help but think of what had happened to Kokichi and Maki's parents, how they had been orphaned at extremely young ages. That wouldn't necessarily happen to Mei- she knew Erika, Shuichi, and Kokichi would make sure of that- but she couldn't help but want Mei to have something like this so she always had a piece of her nearby.

Maybe it was a bit paranoid of her, though she'd been told it was just motherly instincts taking over. That was probably it. If there was anything her insane high school class taught her, it was that she could live through literally anything.

She glanced over towards her room, where her daughter was currently taking a nap in her crib. Before she could even think about it, she pressed record and started playing one of her favorites- Clair de Lune. It always made her feel at peace to play it, calming her nerves and making all of her worries wash away. Mei didn't stir during the entire recording. Kaede would check on her immediately after, but she knew she was likely to find her still asleep with a serene smile on her lips.

She couldn't ask for anything more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's two things in this chapter that may or may not become relevant in the future 0-0


	8. Firsts

Hikari is already freaking out by the time I get to her house early on Saturday. She's not set to leave until noon, and I show up at ten to help her get ready. I honestly don't know how long this will take, so maybe I overestimated how early I should be, but whatever. It's just more time to hang out.

"What, exactly, are you and Amanda going to do on this date of yours?" I ask as I start French braiding Hikari's damp hair. I've always been a bit jealous of it; it's smooth and hazelnut-colored, much better than my unruly blond.

"The park by school. We're stopping to get lunch nearby." I can tell that she's nervous because she's reverted back to her quiet self. I hope she doesn't get too nervous to talk to Amanda. That's happened before, once, in front of her then-crush.

"Sounds like you two are gonna have a lot of fun." I tie off the first braid and start on the second, twisting and tugging. "You know you'll have to tell me everything when you get home, you know?"

She nods, distracted. I shake my head to myself and continue on, not letting it phase me. She's understandably nervous, but I do wish she would talk to me a little more. Standing here in silence is making me a little uncomfortable, even though I can hear Aunt Miu working through some blueprints in her workspace the next room over.

I hum something under my breath; I'm not exactly sure what it is. It's like my solo mixed with a song I heard on the radio- less classical and more pop. I'm not quite sure I like it, but I see a smile curve onto Hikari's lips, so I don't stop. After I tie off her second braid, I switch to blow drying her hair to make it wavy. I don't care if this is a bit too much effort; this girl is gonna look fantastic for her first date, so help me.

I finish with the blow drying and take out the bands holding her braids in, brushing it out with my fingers. What was once soft and straight is now soft and wave-ridden, absolutely gorgeous. "Look at you," I breath out, smiling at her through the mirror. I feel like a proud mother getting her daughter ready for prom, which Aunt Kirumi and Aunt Miu will no doubt feel like when they see her off.

"Where did you learn this trick?" she asks me, running her own fingers through her hair. "I've never seen you do this before."

"Mom taught it to me, actually." I frown a touch at the memory, even though it's a good one. "She taught me and I helped her with her hair before recitals." Mom worked for a recording studio about twenty minutes from here, and occasionally traveled in the country to play onstage with their performers. She loved what she did. "Anyway. It looks good on you, doesn't it?"

"Thank you." She's quiet for another moment, and I can sense her hesitance. "I miss seeing her. Especially at dinner the other night. I know she'd be right here with us if she could."

My eyes shift to the hair bands, which I twist around in my fingers. "Yeah." Now would be the time for me to change the topic, but before I can, Aunt Miu does it for me.

"Alright, girls, T-minus seventy-five minutes until Amanda gets here," she says as she enters Hikari's room, startling us both. I could've sworn she was working just a moment ago. "Kari, you know what you're gonna wear?"

"No," she says, unplugging the hair dryer and wrapping the cord. "We were just going to start looking, actually."

She grins at us, wide and proud. "Perfect. Allow me to help you. I've been on enough dates with your mom to know how to dress for one without lookin' too slutty." She beats me to Hikari's closet, which I don't mind. I don't have the best fashion sense, and honestly, Aunt Miu does have much more experience with date attire.

Hikari and I glance at each other, and I see the laughter in her eyes. I can hear Aunt Miu talking to herself, even with her back to us, as she goes through Hikari's clothes, finally selecting a grey dress I don't think I've ever seen her wear. Hikari doesn't wear dresses too often.

"Here, kid, try this on. I think I've got some kickass shoes to go with it," Aunt Miu says, tossing the dress to Hikari, hanger and all. Hikari looks to me again with a helpless smile. I've never seen Aunt Miu get like this before, but to me, it's kind of entertaining to watch.

Hikari shrugs off her sweater and puts the dress on over her leggings, the ones that were purple and blue and pink with the galaxy pattern- a gift for her birthday from Uncle Kaito. It looks really great together; Aunt Miu really does have good taste in clothes. Hikari twists around, looking at herself in the mirror hanging on the back of her door. "Not bad, Mama," she says, nodding with approval. I can see Aunt Miu's proud grin in the mirror.

"This is all well and good," I interject, "but we still have about an hour until Amanda gets here. What are we gonna do until then?"

"You girls must not know me if you think I don't have something planned." Her grin takes on a mischievous quality that Mom used to call the Mad Scientist Grin. I know that she has something coming. "Follow me, ladies."

Aunt Miu leads us into the kitchen and rummages in a cupboard before tossing us some spare aprons that Aunt Kirumi uses for cooking. "Put these on. You're gonna need them."

I can't even begin to imagine what she has in mind- before she starts pulling out muffin trays, flour, sugar, and a bunch of other baking supplies. "Mama, are you serious right now? Cupcakes?"

"Why the fuck not? It's something productive to pass the time, you can offer one to your date, and then Mei and Kirumi and I can chow down while you two go out." Aunt Miu shrugs, tying the apron. "Who's in?"

Hikari seems indecisive, but I answer immediately. "I am!" I am always in for cupcakes and other desserts. Besides, Aunt Miu makes some pretty damn good cupcakes. "Just tell me what you want me to do."

"Alright, then. I guess we're doing this." Hikari unballs her apron and ties it on with the smallest of smiles. She may act like she doesn't want to do this, but I know she does. "What kind are we talking about?"

"Pumpkin," she answers immediately, already taking out a bottle of pumpkin spice and a can of pumpkin puree. "Fall's not gonna be here much longer, so might as well embrace it, am I right?"

I pull up a recipe on my phone; none of us are allowed to touch Aunt Kirumi's recipe box except for Hikari, as long as she agrees to not let us touch it. We're better off just picking one from online, because chances are she wouldn't have a recipe for this anyway.

It takes us longer than I expect to actually make the cupcakes, mostly because of a good deal of swearing and cleaning after Aunt Miu accidentally knocks over the bowl of dry ingredients. Hikari nearly has a heart attack, but I help her clean it up without getting any flour on her clothes. This is probably why Aunt Kirumi uses aprons.

But eventually, the cupcakes are done and frosted, which is a whole other mess in and of itself. They smell amazing, and the fragrance drifts through the entire house. I steal one first, since Hikari wants to wait for Amanda. And by wait, I mean she's pacing around the kitchen and wringing her hands and complaining that she's so nervous, she can't eat. At the same time it's amusing, I feel bad for her. She's never been the one to be the most nerve-ridden, so this is likely new territory for her.

The doorbell rings minutes later, just as Aunt Miu finishes the dishes. She tosses me the towel to hang up and basically races Hikari to get to the door first. She beats her there, and I can hear her open the door. "Hi there, you must be Amanda! Come on in."

Hikari is still pacing a bit, her fingers drumming against her thighs. "Relax," I tell her in a whisper. "You'll be fine. Channel your inner you. You know, the calm, levelheaded one."

She looks like she wants to smack me for that comment, but Aunt Miu leads Amanda in. She's kind of like what I imagined; kind of tall with pale, freckled skin. Her hair is a couple shades darker than mine, a more honey color, and has natural-looking curls to accentuate her green eyes. Her jeans are unripped and her shirt is a pink v-neck that's nice next to Hikari's dress. Honestly, I can already tell that they look good together. "Amanda, hi," Hikari says, a bit breathless. She's wowed. There's no other word for it. "You look really nice."

Amanda smiles at her. "So do you." They stand there for a minute, just smiling and not saying anything. Aunt Miu and I look at each other, and we know that one of us has to say something to break the silence.

I nominate myself for the job. "Hey, lovebirds, want some cupcakes?" I look to Amanda when Hikari glares at me, her cheeks an angry red. "I'm Mei, by the way. Hikari's friend."

"Nice to meet you." I hand her and Hikari cupcakes, and Amanda bites into hers immediately. "Oh my gosh, these are so good! Pumpkin, right?"

"That's right," Aunt Miu says, taking one for herself. I take a second; they really are amazing. At this rate, there probably won't be any left for Aunt Kirumi. "Glad you like 'em."

"Are you kidding? Pumpkin is my favorite flavor."

Before long, they're both done and leave to start their date. Aunt Miu and I, obviously, stay behind, and I'm struck by how downtrodden she seems immediately after the door closes behind them. I don't notice until Hikari and Amanda, already holding hands, fade out of view, but it's definitely there. "What's wrong?"

"Hmm? Oh, nothing. Don't worry about it." She pushes herself away from the door, and I follow her back to the kitchen. "You aren't a mom, so I don't think you would necessarily understand."

"Doesn't mean I can't try. Hit me." I lean against the counter, watching her peel the wrapper from another cupcake.

Aunt Miu runs a hand through her hair, hopefully not spreading frosting through it. "You're both growing up so fast, is all. It's tough as a mom to watch that, to see your part in your daughter's life growing smaller and smaller. This was her first date, but soon enough she's going to be off to university, and then she'll be married with a family of her own. Who knows how often we'll see each other?" She laughs, soft and dry. "I'm just overthinking everything. That's all this is."

I think about her words for a second. She does have a bit of a point; it's not going to be long until we grow up. I don't even know what to say to her. Aunt Miu has never been one of the serious adults in my life. This is wholly uncharted territory. So I wait with her, give her a hug. She holds me tight against her chest like she doesn't want me to let go, like I'm her own daughter. I hold her tight, trying to trick myself into thinking that I'm hugging Mom. But Aunt Miu is taller, bustier, and she even smells so much different. Still, I don't let go until she does.

Aunt Kirumi gets home not too long after and immediately starts inspecting the kitchen for messes as we fill her in on the pre-date happenings. We talk and speculate about what could be happening on Hikari's date while we wait for her to get back. I don't know how long this is going to take, but Dad said it was okay to stay as long as I wanted- said it was an opportunity to surprise Kokichi with a lunch date, which I think would be a good break for both of them.

I work a little bit on the homework I brought while Aunt Kirumi and Aunt Miu talk. It's pleasant background noise to my work, much better than deafening silence. I end up finishing all of it, which just leaves a reading assignment I left at home. The cupcakes, I see, are all gone.

"I packaged a couple for you to take home later," Aunt Kirumi tells me, nodding over to a tupperware container I hadn't noticed. "Make sure some make it to your fathers."

I feign as gasp, splaying a hand across my chest. "Who, me? I can't believe you would suggest such a thing!"

She looks at me for a moment before turning away, and I think I see her smirking. "Kokichi's rubbing off on you, it seems."

I laugh at her remark. Aunt Kirumi always had a more subtle humor, but she still has her moments. "Thanks, I guess?"

I settle on the couch with them after that, watching reruns of some show that makes Aunt Miu laugh hysterically, which makes me and Aunt Kirumi both laugh, too. It's true what they say, that laughter is infectious. It fills me up like a good dinner does- which, I remember, I'm making later. Better figure something out, or else we're going to end up getting takeout.

We almost don't notice when Hikari actually gets home. The front door opens and closes quietly, and the only reason I hear her enter is because she must've hit her toe on something and starts swearing up a storm. Aunt Kirumi sighs and shakes her head at that, and Aunt Miu hides a small smile- or, at least, tries to.

I'm on my feet in seconds and grab Hikari by her arm, dragging her into the living room. "Nice try. You're telling us everything," I tell her, nearly squishing her against the arm of the couch to keep her pinned down. No way is she escaping this round of questioning. If she thought the questioning about her crush was bad, well, she should be glad that the others aren't here.

"What do you want to know?" Her voice is filled with laughter; it must've gone well. She's just being coy and making us ask instead of telling us herself.

"Did you have fun?" Aunt Kirumi asks before Aunt Miu or I can get a word in. She knows that we have one question burning in our minds, and she's trying to stop us from voicing it for as long as possible.

"Did we?" Her cheeks are nearly splitting with her grin. "The sun was perfect, the walk was perfect. We talked about so much, it was amazing." Not very descriptive, but being at a loss for words is understandable.

Aunt Miu rolls one of her hands in a _go on_ gesture. "And? What else?"

Hikari pauses for a moment, and I just know it's for dramatic effect, she squeals, "We have another date next week!"

To which all of us squeal, even Aunt Kirumi. I didn't even know she was capable of that. "That's wonderful, honey," she says, reaching behind me to brush a lock of Hikari's hair behind her ear. "We should have her over for dinner sometime."

"We should have her over for one of our family dinners," I say for the sole purpose of a joke. Hikari's eyes widen in panic before I break from my faux-serious look and nudge her. "C'mon, you know I'm joking. I would never subject anyone else to our family dinners."

"I take offense to that," Aunt Miu says, but she's smiling, too, so it's hard to take seriously. We all know that family dinners are disasters, no matter how fun they are. There's always shouting, screaming, some swearing, and lots of jokes that would probably overwhelm someone who isn't used to it.

We don't let Hikari move until she tells us absolutely everything- what they talked about, what they had for lunch, if she met the family who's hosting Amanda for the year when she dropped her off. I'm wholly interested in this, unlike any other love story I've seen before. I guess it's different because this is my best friend, not a protagonist I have no emotional attachment to.

It's actually kind of fun.

Before I know it, we've talked for an hour and a half, and even though they offer to have me over for dinner, I know they're going to grill Hikari some more, and I still need to make dinner, so I decline and gather my things before heading home.

Hikari was right; the sun is still nice out, fairly warm for November. Jeez, it should be getting colder by now, not warmer than it was last month. That's just not fair. However, I guess it's better than having snow this early in the year. Hikari mentioned something about it snowing into May sometimes where Amanda is from in America, and I shudder at the thought. I don't think I'd be able to stand snow into the summer months.

I'm the first home; Kokichi must still be out with Dad, or else he's doing some shopping. I poke around the cupboards, searching for something to make. He must be shopping, since we have practically nothing to eat. I finally decide to throw some pasta in a pot and just call it dinner. We can always snack later if we're still hungry.

Panta curls up around my legs as I sit down at my keyboard. Like before, my window is open to let the music out. This time, instead of trying my solo and being frustrated with it, I stick with something I know well: the band music for our December concert. The music flows through my fingers, courses through my veins, just like it should. I channel the happiness I felt with Hikari and Aunt Miu and Aunt Kirumi not too long ago into my music, each tap of my fingers drawing on the reserves. This is something Miaya brought up when we had our conversation about it, and I've found that it works fairly well. If I think of my happiness towards music as a reserve, I'll be able to "ration" it into my playing, effectively putting the emotion back into it. My reserves aren't as big as they used to be, but they're growing slowly, and are big enough where I can manage a couple upbeat songs. So long as I don't get frustrated with myself, it works.

I can hear the pot of water boiling from my room as I pause to flip my music. Dinner is more important, I guess, but I promise myself that I'm going to come back to this as soon as I can. It feels good to finally be making some headway on this issue.

The door opens as I'm putting the pasta in. "About time you got home," I say without looking to see who it is.

"Drat. There goes the surprise," Kokichi says. I don't hear the rustling of bags. Maybe he didn't go shopping. In that case, his lunch date must've been long.

I roll my eyes either way. "I'm fifteen. You can't sneak up on me anymore." I turn around to face him, only to see Dad standing right behind me. I'll admit, I jump a little; I was expecting just Kokichi, not both of them. "I retract my previous statement. No, wait. I edit it. _Kokichi_ can't sneak up on me; you can."

"Good." Dad smiles in a sly way, a way that I know he picked up from Kokichi over the years. "I got off work early today. We just finished some paperwork for this case, so I have some free time."

"Well, glad you're home for pasta." I glance back at the pot and stifle a giggle. I really didn't think he'd be home for dinner, but this is a nice surprise.

He laughs a bit at the box I've pulled out. "We do need to go shopping soon, don't we? I'll put together a list tonight and we can go tomorrow."

I've never really told anyone this, but I actually like grocery shopping. I went with Mom all the time, though I always said it was just to keep her company. Really, though, I like looking at all the food and imagining what I'm going to make myself, or help make, with what we get. Plus, it gets me out of the house more often than I really would on my own.

"I'm just glad we all get to hang out now," I say, and give Dad a hug from the side. "Even Kokichi gets boring sometimes."

"Heeeeeey, I take offense to that! If I pride myself on anything, it's not being boring." He sticks his tongue out at me. I stick mine out right back.

Our dinner is not a formal one, given its nature. We choose instead to watch a movie we've been meaning to and bring the noodles in there. I don't mind. It's a comfort meal in a comfortable location; what could be better?

There's an actress Mom liked in this movie. I remember suddenly how excited she was for this movie when it was first announced, a few months before her diagnosis. I stop laughing and rest my bowl on my lap. Dad, ever observant, notices. "Something wrong, Mei?"

Yes. "No, just...thinking. About Mom." Something else Miaya told me was that I should talk to Dad and Kokichi about Mom when I think of her, just to get used to talking about her. But first, I wait and gauge their reactions. Kokichi looks alright enough; Dad, on the other hand, looks a bit conflicted. "You know, she and I talked about going to see this movie. I almost forgot about that."

"Right. I almost forgot she liked this actress." Dad gets a fond smile on his face and turns to Kokichi. "Remember when her first movie came out, about twenty years ago?"

Kokichi snorts. "How could I forget?" He leans forward so I can see him better. "Your mother was so excited about that movie that she showed up to our university the night it came out, no warning, and literally dragged us to the theater."

"Maki was there, too," Dad adds. "I think she said something about owing Kaede a favor. I know that Kaito managed to evade her." He shrugs. "It was a good movie. Even Maki thought so."

I laugh a little. "She actually did that?" I knew Mom could be a bit bossy at times, but never to this extent. Especially as a young adult, too.

Kokichi gets this look on his face that I know spells trouble. "You don't even know the half of it. She was our class rep in high school, so you'd expect her to be the most responsible. Instead, she was late just about every day, could barely pay attention in class because she was so tired, and even waged prank wars with the other classes."

"Kichi, I think you just described your own high school self."

"Yeah, because Kaede and I were basically partners in crime!"

Dad tugs at his bangs a bit, a small smile on his lips. "And the way I remember it, you were the one who started the only prank war we ever had, and that was mostly contained. The only reason she was ever late was because she was getting the 77th class rep up for the meetings because she kept oversleeping."

Kokichi rolls his eyes. "Sure, but Mei didn't know that."

"Sorry, but I don't think you'd be able to pull a fast one on me about Mom." I cross my arms and smirk. Nobody knew her better than me. And maybe Aunt Erika.

Dad looks back to me, and I can just sense that he's flipping back to Kokichi's side. "Want to bet? You didn't know her in high school; we did."

"Please, how different could she have been?" I'm getting cocky, and I know it. Usually I leave my challenges to Tadaaki, but I guess I can pull one out now. "Two truths and a lie about her. Go."

They start whispering instantly, but I'm confident they won't fool me. I know just about everything there is to know about Mom, including some of her stories from Hope's Peak. "Okay," Dad says. "One, she dyed her hair pink for a semester on a dare from an upperclassman. Two, she failed her driver's test twice. Three, she and two of our upperclassmen did a music collaboration a few times." His eyes are full of a mirth than I haven't seen in them in forever.

"First one is true. I've seen the pictures." Pink was a good color on her. I'm unsure of the other two, though. I couldn't sworn Mom said something about one of them. "Three's the lie, right?"

Kokichi starts laughing. "Can you imagine if she went through on the collab with both Sayaka _and_ Ibuki? It would've been awful!"

I've heard both those names before. Sayaka Maizono was a very famous idol before she went into producing. I have a lot of her music on CD. And I know Ibuki Mioda is a pretty big name in music, too, but in the complete opposite genre: screamo rock. I'm pretty sure she's still performing, too, though I've never taken to her music.

"You should've seen her when she was first learning to drive. She was awful." A look of horror crosses Dad's face. "I had to take driver's ed with her. I almost died that day." Which is probably the reason Dad or Kokichi drove whenever the four of us went somewhere.

I lean forward in interest. It feels alright to be talking about Mom more now. "Tell me more stories."

We don't realize until fifteen minutes after the movie ends that we only saw the first ten minutes.

X-X-X

"Mei, honey, talk to me." Kaede knocked on Mei's door again. It wasn't like her to just storm into her room and refuse to talk to Kaede for an hour. At first Kaede gave her some space, but she was really starting to become worried.

"I don't want to talk," came a muffled answer. Her face was probably shoved into her pillow. It was bugging Kaede that she couldn't get a straight answer- or any answer, for that matter.

There weren't any locks on their doors, but Kaede valued Mei's privacy, especially as a fourteen-year-old, but this was still a bit much. "I'm coming in," she said at last, and cracked the door open before Mei could argue. She was lying on her stomach with her face in her pillow. Her hair was splayed across her back, out of the braid she usually wore to school. Her bag was discarded on the floor, the contents strewn around it. She sat lightly on the edge of the bed and rested a hand on Mei's back. "Honey, is everything okay?"

"No."

No other response. This wasn't going to be easy, was it? "Was it something at school?" Still no response. Kaede sighed lightly. "I want to help, but I can't if you don't tell me what's going on."

"I'm not ugly, right?"

Oh. This kind of issue. She'd expressed before that she didn't feel quite in control of her growth spurt, especially since it gave her much of the height that Kaede and Shuichi both possessed. "Of course you're not. Whoever told you that is-"

"Nobody said it." Mei pushed herself up so she was resting on her elbows, her back arched. "Nobody said it, but I see it. Nobody else is gangly, nobody else is as tall or weird-looking. Hikari's normal, and she's gorgeous. Why aren't I?"

"I know you're not going to believe me, since I'm your mother, but you are plenty beautiful. You've seen the pictures of when I was your age. I hit my growth spurt before Erika, and I didn't look weird or ugly, did I?"

Mei shook her head slowly. "No, but-"

"No buts. You are every bit as beautiful as I think you are, because you are. Trust me on this. Everyone has their own brand of beautiful, and of course you are. Don't invalidate yourself based on what other people look like." Kaede paused, and then laughed. "Wow, I sound like one of those motivational speakers, don't I?"

Mei giggled a little. "A bit, yeah."

Kaede rubbed her back a little before standing. "Come on, beautiful. What do you say we get ourselves some ice cream?"

"Before dinner?" Kaede nodded with a smile. She and Erika used to do this sometimes when their parents were working, and they were none the wiser. It was always fun. "Absolutely. Thanks, Mom."

"Anytime."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to be random, but "Supermarket Flowers" by Ed Sheeran totally fits the first few chapters.


	9. More and More

After school Wednesday, I find myself with Tadaaki at the park near school. Hikari isn't with us, for once; we convinced her that it was totally okay for her to walk home with Amanda. Which it is. We don't mind, especially since we both know that Amanda's not going to be here for long once the school year ends in a couple months. She should spend as much time with her first girlfriend as possible.

"Come on, wuss, just do it! We don't have all day!" I shout to him from behind his video camera. "Like you said, this is the last nice day we're supposed to have in a while. If you don't do this now, when are you gonna?"

"I'm going, I'm going." I hold the camera like always- well, not technically. Usually Hikari does the camerawork because I'm too busy heckling Tadaaki and getting him to actually do the trick he set up. Anyway, he shakes out his arms and legs, looking at the opposite side of the old rock-climbing wall we used to love. This side is flat, perfect for the trick he's going to attempt, which is another reason Hikari didn't exactly want to be here. This is one of the more advanced tricks Tadaaki's tried in a while, and we both know that Hikari would actively try to talk us out of it. Aunt Maki and Uncle Kaito don't mind these tricks much, so long as we take precaution that nobody is injured, which almost never happens.

The camera's already rolling- has been since I started heckling him like usual, but that'll be edited out unless I can sneak some of it in there. Tadaaki generally handles his own editing, but sometimes I can get ahold of it before he posts it. He takes a deep breath and starts running at the wall, jumping and kicking off into a backflip. I've watched him practice this a couple times, but he's never fully been able to complete it without flopping onto the mattress we usually use for practice. Now that there's no mattress, no doubt he's feeling a little more nervous than usual.

But he lands perfectly before turning to the camera with a giant grin, just like Uncle Kaito always has. Tadaaki really does look a lot like him, though his eyes look more like Aunt Maki's, only a bit darker. He probably has a couple girls in his class who have a crush on him thanks to his looks and personality.

I lower the camera with a smirk. "See, I told you you could do it! And now we can prove Hikari wrong, so that's a bonus." Seriously, I love her, but I also love annoying her. That's just the kind of relationship we have.

"Hell yeah!" He gives me a high-five and does a short victory lap around the wall while I laugh at his goofy expression.

"Those are some nice moves."

I jump at the voice right behind me, even though I recognize it. Sure enough, when I turn around, there stands Haru. He's no longer completely in D.I.C.E. garb- most of the recruits aren't when they go out- but he still has his scarf on. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugs as Tadaaki goes around again. "Nine gave me the all-clear, and I just wanted to take a walk. Lo and behold, here you are egging on a parkour master in training. I get the feeling that this is a regular thing." He holds up a slip of paper. "And I forgot to give this to you last time. My number."

I almost forgot that we forgot to exchange numbers when I was over. This way I have a concrete way of contacting him. "Great, thanks. I'll-"

"Who's this, Mei?" Tadaaki asks, coming up next to me. He's used to me only hanging out with him and Hikari, and I haven't told them about Haru yet.

"This is Haru, I met him a couple weeks ago," I say, and Haru nods at him in greeting. "Haru, this is Tadaaki."

"So this is one of the two people who knows your life story. Nice to meet you," Haru jokes, and it's all I can do to restrain myself from elbowing him in the ribs. I don't know if they're fully healed yet, and I won't bring it up in front of Tadaaki. It was private when he shared it with me, so it's probably still private. "Doing some parkour?"

Tadaaki grins and nods. "Yeah, I've got my own channel. I'm almost up to two hundred followers." I know he's proud of that fact, especially for being so young. He's gotten really good since Hikari and I helped him set up his channel. "You seem like a cool guy. How did you say you knew Mei again?"

I just know that's an underhanded jab at me not being cool or whatever, and I would glare at him, but I know his glare can beat mine. He definitely takes after Aunt Maki in that respect. "She and her dads came to visit D.I.C.E. a couple Saturdays ago. We met there, since I'm obviously the most captivating conversationalist there's ever been."

"Right. That's totally it." I roll my eyes, and he and Tadaaki both laugh at my reaction. I apparently am a comedian. "But yeah, this is one of the last days we can film, so that at least gives me five or so minutes of uninterrupted shouting at him."

"Unless Hikari's here," Tadaaki adds. "Then it's more like two minutes before she shuts you down." I shove him with my shoulder, but he just grins. Of course. Then his face lights up like he just remembered a burning question. "Hey, is dinner Friday going to be at Aunt Kaede's house or Uncle Shuichi's?"

I quiet down immediately. Haru looks between the two of us in confusion. "Tadaaki. Please think about what you just said." I don't look at him or Haru, instead focusing on the ground and taking deep breaths. I'm not going to break right now. I've been getting better at this; I shouldn't be breaking. I'll be fine in a minute, I think.

I can hear the click in his brain once he figured it out. He's twelve; I shouldn't expect him to be completely on top of what he's saying. "What I- oh, no. I'm sorry for bringing that up."

"I'm...not sure I follow," Haru says, and he ducks to try to get a look at my face. Because of my braid, I don't have a curtain of hair blocking his view, so it's quite easy. He blinks once after catching my eye before straightening again. "Um, I think I should get going before Nine starts calling. See you guys later." He starts walking off, and I am so glad he didn't push. I take another breath before looking up at Tadaaki again.

"Let's go home. I have some homework to take care of." I shove Haru's number into my pocket and shut off the camera completely, something I just realized I hadn't done after stopping recording. No need to waste the battery if I'm not recording anything.

Tadaaki jogs to catch up with me as I stalk away, even though his legs are only a little shorter than mine and he could've caught up fairly easily walking. "Mei, I'm really sorry for bringing that up, I should've thought that through."

"No, it's alright. Force of habit. I get it." And I do. I've almost had a slip of the tongue like that a few times. It feels less awful every time, though every other time has been few and far-between. I steal a glance at him to let him know that I really do forgive him, and I see him blinking rapidly. "Are you crying?"

"No." But he is, I can see it. His face is all scrunched up with an effort to keep it in. I put my arm around him, barely dazed by the fact that he's nearly as tall as I am. He leans into me, his face pressing against my shoulder. "I miss her, too."

"I know." We stop walking for a second, and I continue hugging him. My eyes are dry, and it feels to me like there's a disconnect between me and Mom in the moment, like she was Tadaaki's mom and I'm comforting him instead of what was the other way around.

I let go of him after a minute and we keep walking, though there's no conversation between us like there would usually be. That's fine, I guess. I know he didn't mean it, and I really am getting better with handling this. I can actually talk about Mom when I bring her up, but I guess I was just caught off-guard. I make a mental note to tell Miaya about this tomorrow before saying goodbye and going inside once we get to my house.

My house. Not Dad's house. I wonder when I started thinking like that.

"I'm home," I call out as I come inside. Dad's somewhere, I know, since he hasn't had a heavy workload recently. That means more time with me and Kokichi in the afternoon, which is definitely good. I missed spending time with him while he was at work, not that Kokichi wasn't good company.

Dad emerges from his bedroom with freshly combed hair- that, or he was tugging at his bangs like he does sometimes when he's thinking. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. "How was your day?"

"Alright, for the most part. I saw Haru again while Tadaaki and I were filming." I set my bag down on a kitchen chair and lean against it.

"Oh, yeah, how did the filming go?" He side-eyes me, a touch of suspicion in his look. "Nobody was injured, I hope."

I roll my eyes, though one time does come to mind for him to have grounds for suspicion. "For the record, as Hikari and I have both said before, that was just one time, and Uncle Kaito was the who startled him." Aunt Maki nearly killed us all, even though Tadaaki had only sprained his wrist. That was the last time she let Uncle Kaito hang with us while we were filming. And that's also why we usually go somewhere else, so she doesn't watch us like a hawk when she's home. I love her, but sometimes her gaze is a bit intimidating. "No, it went perfectly. I'll show you the footage once he posts it."

His eyes follow me as I grab an apple from the bowl on the counter. "You do know that I know how to use the internet, right? I can find it for myself, I'm subscribed to his channel." I grin and wink at him, a spot of playfulness coming out of me. Of course I know that. Everyone in our family circle is subscribed to his channel, at least those who are on the internet enough to. Mom loved watching and left small comments, ones that were nice but just short enough so nobody knew that she was Tadaaki's aunt. Well, technical aunt.

He stands and brings his empty coffee mug to the sink. "I'm glad that your mood seems to be improving. Everything's become a bit more normal, isn't it?"

Well. Normal would include Mom being here, but other than that, I would say so. "Yeah, it kind of is." He offers me a smile, one that shows a bit how tired he's been lately. That's another good thing about not having a big case to work on; he gets more sleep every night. My phone buzzes with a text- Hikari. I skim over quickly before saying, "Hikari wants to know if she can bring Amanda to dinner Friday. She wanted to get your permission since it's gonna be here."

"I don't see why not. I wouldn't mind meeting Amanda myself." He pauses when he sees my expression. "What? Something wrong?"

"I'm just curious as to why she would want to subject her first girlfriend to our craziness, that's all." For real. I wouldn't do that to anyone I want to remain close to. I thought Hikari and I went over this, too. "I'll tell her, though." She immediately replies with a string of hearts and smiley faces. This, at the very least, will be interesting for me and Tadaaki. And, quite possibly, the other adults. And Amanda. Everyone except Hikari, basically.

Oh, yeah. That'll be amazing.

X-X-X

Another session with Miaya comes and goes. I feel like I'm making some progress, which is good, and Miaya thinks so, too. Leaving there with that fresh on my mind feels refreshing, like my thoughts have been recycled to have a slightly better view. I talked to her about dinner, too, which just made me more pumped than usual. Maybe it's just me, but I have the feeling that Amand is going to have one hell of a time.

The door's unlocked for when everyone arrives. That way, Dad and Kokichi and I can finish getting everything ready. It has a different energy than when Mom hosted, but it's not entirely bad. It seems to me that each day, I become more accustomed to everything. Before I know it, we'll be breaking out the holiday decorations. Today there was a thin layer of wet snow, and the forecast says we're going to get more soon. I always like the snow for the first month or so. Then it just gets annoying.

I'm just finishing up my part when Tadaaki comes in with his parents. "Hey, guys, what's up?" Uncle Kaito asks in his usual boisterous voice. Aunt Maki looks so tiny beside him, but she's a quarter of a centimeter shorter than Kokichi, too. I heard he used to give her an earful for it.

Tadaaki and I share a small smile as the usual back-and-forth between his dad and Kokichi starts already. Neither of us make any motion to go to my room, not when we could wait and see Amanda's face when she comes in and sees the shitshow this will be.

Aunt Maki, though, won't have this. She steps in between them. "Don't act like children for just one night, will you? You'll only end up embarrassing Hikari once she and her girlfriend get here."

Kokichi looks like he's about to say something, but a swift look from her shuts him up. He puts on a mock pout. "Fine. You're no fun."

"How long do you think it'll take them to run their mouths and embarrass Hikari? Standard wage says five minutes." I pretend to study my nails to appear bored and uninterested in what the adults are doing. Really, my insides are alight with glee.

"Aw, give them some credit." Tadaaki grins at me. "Ten minutes." We shake; it's a deal.

It's not long until they actually show up, with Aunt Miu and Aunt Kirumi coming in first. Hikari probably wants to keep Amanda out of the crazy for as long as possible, and I can't say that I blame her, even though it makes everything a bit more dull for me. "The lovebirds are right behind us," Aunt Miu warns with a wicked grin that Tadaaki, Kokichi and I return.

"Let's try our best to not have tonight go up in flames, literally and figuratively, alright?" Aunt Kirumi pleads, and everyone nods even though I know for a fact that it won't last the entire night. Even if they decide to skip out early, I can guarantee that something's gonna happen. Something always does.

Not a moment later do they come in, already holding hands and laughing. I really do mean it when I say that I've never seen Hikari happier, which for some reason feels weird. It's always been her, me, and Tadaaki. None of us has ever needed anyone else to be happy.

I barely pay attention as introductions go around, the adults grinning madly at the two of them. I get the feeling that I should get used to this, to Hikari having someone around, but I'm still confused as to why I feel like she shouldn't. It's probably just straying from the norm. Change is no longer as good in my mind as it used to be, and that apparently includes this positive change.

"You warned her about the crazy already, right?" I whisper to her as we take our seats. Amanda is chatting happily with Uncle Kaito and Dad, which I take as a good sign.

"You think I let her come without fully warning her what she was getting into? Please." Hikari rolls her eyes and smiles. Her eyes look so much more alight than usual. Is this really because of just one extra person being here? Then she says loudly, "Dinner looks good, Uncle Shuichi!" which effectively changes the topic.

Dad smiles at her, of course. "Thanks, Hikari, though Kokichi and Mei did most of the work. I really just watched to make sure they didn't burn down the house." He's right; he does that a lot. Sometimes when we're cooking and fooling around, he literally stands there with a fire extinguisher. I'm not saying he ever needed to use it before, but there's a reason Kokichi isn't allowed to make microwave pizzas anymore.

"So, Amanda," Kokichi says, and already I can see that Hikari is kicking herself from bringing Amanda, who is blissfully ignorant of the tone we all know so well. "Has Hikari ever told you about the time she-" He cuts himself off with a small yelp, turning and glaring in Aunt Maki's direction. Aunt Maki isn't paying attention, instead focusing on her dinner with just a hint of a smirk on her lips.

"I think what he was going to say was, has Hikari ever showed you Tadaaki's parkour videos?" Uncle Kaito asks, completely shutting down whatever Kokichi was going to say. Maybe I was wrong before; the adults are really seeming to pull themselves together just for one night. It's almost unnatural to watch, but not wholly unpleasant. I give them another two minutes before they all crack.

"Not yet," she admits, but she looks to Tadaaki. "I'm definitely interested, though. My older brother used to be into that stuff, it'd be cool to see it again."

And just like that, Tadaaki is glowing. He loves it when he gets recognition for his parkour, but he doesn't like bringing it up on his own. So he's on board for Amanda sticking around, which I foresaw. For the most part, he's good with anything that makes Hikari happy. He likes to think he's like her older brother because he's taller than her, and with that comes a whole lot of protectiveness. It's really sweet, actually.

"Cool," he says. "We just finished shooting for the year the other day, but I can show you some videos later if you want."

She smiles, and I notice how it reaches her eyes. That's the kind of smile Hikari falls in love with easily. "That sounds awesome, thanks."

And now _I'm_ debating whether or not I should say something to embarrass Hikari, because really? This dinner isn't a dumpster fire like I'm sure we all thought it would be. Aunt Maki's threats must be more intimidating than I thought. It's not like I want to sabotage Hikari and Amanda's night, of course not. It all feels so strange. It feels like something I would discuss with Mom.

...And now everyone is staring at me. I must've zoned out. "I'm sorry, what was the question?" I ask, straightening my posture. Hopefully I didn't get any of my food on my shirt; that would be embarrassing.

"I was just asking when the band concert is, exactly," Aunt Kirumi says, a soft smile on her lips. Does she know why I was zoned out? Couldn't be. She's a smart lady, but I don't think she has telekinetic capabilities.

"December thirteenth," I say. It's been in my phone's calendar since we found out about the date for it. "I'm really excited for this one, it's going to be great."

Just as the conversation starts, it keeps going: normally. There's no jabs coming from Aunt Miu and Kokichi, no loud debates with them and Uncle Kaito. It's strange and unsettling and I really don't like it. But I keep quiet about that, I laugh along when the others do, and I keep smiling. I've found that it's getting less and less tiring to smile more. As Miaya said when I brought that up last time, that's some real progress.

That being said, I'm still exhausted a good hour before everyone leaves, and then I help Dad and Kokichi clean up. I'm not about to leave them hanging with this part, even though I know they'd be fine if I just go to my room and sleep. I mean, it was just me and Mom before; I couldn't have let her do all of the work on her own. That wouldn't be very nice of me. That wouldn't make me a good daughter.

"She seems nice," Dad says as he finishes doing the dishes. Kokichi's on drying duty while I put them away. "Hikari seems really happy with her."

She does. Of course. "Yeah. Amanda's nice." That's all I say on the subject, and do my best to not toss the remaining glasses into the cupboard. I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous that she's taking my best friend. No jealousy here.

Kokichi glances at me, and I can tell he wants to say something, but he doesn't. He passes the dish towel to Dad, who dries his hands before taking Kokichi's. "Damn, Shu, how is it that you're hands are still so soft, even after all that hot water?"

Dad laughs, leaning a little into Kokichi. I turn away as he says something I try not to hear. "Um, I'm gonna go to bed. Goodnight."

They either don't hear me or are too busy making out to respond. I don't want to know which. Panta, who had the sense to hide from all the noise earlier, slinks out from behind the couch to follow me into my room. She can keep me company tonight; I don't mind it.

She beats me to my bed as I change into my pajamas. Another blanket is already piled onto my bed for the increasingly colder nights. I'm going to need to break out my heavier pajamas soon enough, especially with snow in the forecast for the next week. She's already halfway asleep by the time I climb in next to her, but she doesn't move even as I slide my legs under her.

My eyes droop almost instantly, and I can barely form another thought before I fall asleep.

X-X-X

"Why do Tuesdays have to be so boring?" Tadaaki asks, kicking at snow-covered rocks. There's barely an inch on the ground, but it still coats the trees like a true winter wonderland. "There's never anything to do."

"I'd have something if Mr. Honda didn't cancel solo practice." I kick at the snow as well, but all it does is stick to the toe of my flats. Great, now my toes will be cold. Hikari would laugh at me if she were here, but she's off with Amanda again. No surprise there; they can barely go a few minutes without seeing each other or talking to each other.

We decided to stick around school a little while longer, though, if only to beat all the foot traffic on the way home. We're near the side of the school, where the snow has already melted on blacktop, leaving nothing but slush. It's the first snow all winter, and it's already a mix of good and ugly. This is more March snow than November snow.

I look up at the cloud-blocked sun. Definitely looks like we're going to be getting more snow any minute now. "Let's get going," I say, and the moment I do I have an uneasy feeling. Something isn't right, but everyone who stayed is smiling and laughing, Tadaaki is already trudging ahead, not even waiting for me. I shake the feeling off as best as I can and follow behind him until I manage to catch up.

We're about a block away from my house before I get a text from Kokichi: _go home with Tadaaki today_. Cryptic, as his texts usually are, but strange at the same time.

"Um. I guess I'm going home with you?" I turn my phone screen to show Tadaaki, who looks just as confused as I am. He didn't plan anything, and I know Aunt Maki and Uncle Kaito didn't plan anything for whatever reason.

"More time to catch up, I guess." He shrugs, and we walk right past my street. It takes me a moment to remember that this was the way I used to go home, to Mom's house. We won't be going that far; Tadaaki was the first stop back then.

The worried feeling comes back when we get inside his house. Aunt Maki is home already, and so is Uncle Kaito, who usually doesn't get back until later. They're both frowning, talking to each other in voices so low that Tadaaki and I can't hear. He can tell that something's wrong, too. The smile slips right off of his face. "Mom? Dad? What's going on?"

They glance over at us, their conversation breaking. Aunt Maki is stone-faced, giving away nothing. I know how good she is at that. Uncle Kaito, on the other hand, looks like he's trying to word something difficult- and instead of looking at Tadaaki, he's looking at me.

"What's going on? Why did Kokichi tell me to come here instead of home?" I ask, and already my voice is shaky. I can feel my heart beating faster, picking up the pace as I try to figure out what's going on. I look between them, frantic for an answer.

Aunt Maki comes closer, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Your dads just need you to stay here for the night. That's all we've been told."

A lie. She glances at Uncle Kaito, daring him to say anything. I break out from under her grip. It's not staying here for the night that's getting to me; the three of us always have an extra pair of pajamas and whatever we need at each other's houses just in case. Why won't they tell me anything? "I'm calling Dad," I say, taking out and unlocking my cell phone. Tadaaki looks extremely uncomfortable next to me.

"Wait," Uncle Kaito says before I can finish dialing his number. I look up, challenging him to tell me more. He sighs and looks at Aunt Maki's whose expression shifts just the tiniest bit to tell him it's alright to tell me. "Uh, you can't exactly do that right now."

"Why not?" I cross my arms and wait for his response. There's that face again, like he's just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic at this point. Whatever this is, it's not good. That tugging feeling that I got before Mom died is here, and I can't get rid of it.

He closes his eyes for a moment, and Aunt Maki goes to his side, taking his hand wordlessly in hers. The feeling of dread in my gut expands, nearly exploding. She speaks for him. "Because your dad is in the hospital."


	10. Relapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry for last chapter's cliffhanger. Also, I've cracked 60,000 words for this story in the doc, so that's exciting! This is my longest fic by far. And yeah, there are only two chapters left after this one! I'm satisfied with where I ended it. Hopefully you guys are, too!

I can't stop myself from nearly shutting down. I can't eat, can't drink, hell, I can barely keep myself from hyperventilating.

Aunt Maki and Uncle Kaito don't know any more than they've told me. They also told me that I'm not allowed to go to the hospital, per Kokichi's orders. Something about me associating the hospital with negative things, but can he freaking blame me? I had to watch Mom die there. How could I have any positive thoughts about it?

Hikari must not know anything about this. I keep checking my phone obsessively for messages from Kokichi or Dad, and I don't see any from her. I've texted her a couple times, but she doesn't respond. I really need her right now and she's not here. Tadaaki even fell asleep hours ago, but I can't sleep, even though it's a school night. My two best friends aren't here for me.

But Haru is. I texted him during my initial freak-out, and I'm positive that I'm in the middle of a very long, fluctuating panic attack and I told him so. He's been texting me back all night, trying to help me calm down, but none of his tips help much. To be fair, I'm being vague, but only because writing out "my dad is in the hospital and I don't know why" makes everything worse and permanent and too reminiscent of Mom.

God, what if this ends up like Mom? What if something happened and Dad is dying? I need to be there. I'm texting in a flurry to Haru, dumping out everything I'm thinking about feeling and I'm barely aware that I'm gasping and there are teardrops on my phone screen, convoluting the image. My hands are shaking so badly I can't type anything correctly, but I have to get everything out before I hit send. My knees are pulled to my chest and I know I have to stay silent so I don't wake anyone up and my entire body is shaking and the same thought flows through me over and over and over and-

My eyes snap open. Sunlight is just starting to pour through the window. I wipe at my cheeks for the umpteenth time and push myself up. I need to get ready for school. I get dressed as fast as I can and stagger into the kitchen, but Aunt Maki takes one look at me and says "You're staying home. I'll call you in sick."

Uncle Kaito nodes in agreement before I can say anything. "You look like you've been through hell. I've got the day off. You can stay here with me, alright?" He puts his arm around my shoulders in what I think is supposed to be a comforting gesture, but just like with Mom, I'm numb to it.

Hikari picks up Tadaaki for school not too much later. She doesn't know I'm here, apparently. Aunt Maki leaves for work soon after, leaving me alone with Uncle Kaito.

He sits down on the couch with me, and the look he gives me makes me break down again. I lean against him as my whole body shudders, my breaths uneven and ragged. I hate this feeling of helplessness, like there's something big and bad happening that I can't stop. It- fucking- sucks.

It's not long before I run out of tears to cry. Between this and last night, if I don't drink something, I'm probably going to be dehydrated. Uncle Kaito pats and rubs my back, and slowly my breathing slows to normal. "It's going to be alright," he says, but how can I believe him? That was what Mom said when she was first diagnosed. "Kokichi promised he would call once he knew everything." He lifted his cell phone, the case a cool galaxy pattern than I used to marvel at. "See? Ringtone all the way up. All we have to do right now is wait."

I nod and realize how stiff my neck is from the position I was in all night. More waiting. My favorite.

My phone lights up, and for a fleeting moment I let myself believe it's Kokichi. It's only Haru checking in with me. I feel so bad for making him stay up with me last night, but he was the only one I could talk to. I would've driven myself crazy otherwise.

Between texting him and waiting for Kokichi to call, I try to catch up on sleep. It comes and goes in small intervals, each one leaving me more exhausted than the last. If I look like hell today, I can barely imagine what I'm going to look like tomorrow.

I wake up from my latest "power nap" to hear Kaito's phone ringing. He picks it up immediately, and I know it's Kokichi. While he talks, I glance at the clock; it's barely noon. I've been up for too long, because it feels like much later.

Kaito nudges me with his phone. He's smiling. "It's for you."

Without any hesitation, I take it. "Hello?"

"Everything is okay," Kokichi says right off the bat. Hearing that much makes the tension in my shoulders dissipate. "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner. There was an accident while Shu was investigating a case, and long story short, he was shot in the arm, almost near his chest. I didn't want to say anything before because the doctors wanted to make sure that there wasn't any damage to bones or arteries, and so you know, there isn't, but they wanted to keep him longer just to be sure. We'll pick you up before school is even out."

I let out a long breath, run a hand through my tangled hair. "He's alright?"

"He's alright." His voice gets distant for a moment. "Shu, your daughter wants to make sure you're alright!"

A distant "I'm alright" comes from the background, and I almost cry again. That's Dad's voice. He's not dead, not dying. He really is fine.

I give the phone back to Kaito and close my eyes again. Maybe now that I know this, I'll be able to get some sleep.

X-X-X

Somehow, I wake up in my own bed. For a moment, it's like I didn't spend the night with the Momotas. Then I remember and jump out of bed, barely noticing that I'm still in my school clothes. The only thing on my mind is Dad.

And there he is on the couch with Kokichi and Panta, talking in a low voice, probably so they wouldn't wake me. His left arm is in a sling, and is probably bandaged under his shirt sleeve, but he's okay. I'm actually seeing this for myself.

"Oh, look, Sleeping Beauty is up." Kokichi smiles, but it does nothing to mask his exhaustion. I bet he was up with Dad all night. I don't blame him.

I practically throw myself onto Dad to hug him, or at least as much as I can so I don't jostle his arm. I can't even say anything, but he hugs me tight to him. "Hey, sweetheart," he whispers, and I nearly sob. I'm sure that I'm shaking again.

"I thought I lost you," I can finally say. Anger and grief and a million other things churn in the pit of my stomach. "I thought you were dying and I would never see you again and- and I thought I was going to lose you like Mom." I can't stop the tears now, but they're justified. It's like all I've been doing these last few months was crying. It feels awful.

"I am so sorry for worrying you." A combination of worry and something melancholic drips from his words. A beat passes. "And I'm sorry that this happened so soon after Kaede died." His voice breaks on Mom's name.

I slide out of the hug, curling into a ball next to him against the arm of the couch. With this happening, it's like the wound that was freshly closed is ripped open again, any scar tissue destroyed. I'm pretty sure that's the opposite of what's supposed to happen at this point. I don't say anything in response to him. I'm not even sure what I would say.

Kokichi says something for me. "This may not be the best time to bring up fresh grief," he tells us both gently. I have to agree with him. Me bringing up Mom in the first place made this whole situation hurt even more.

"That's my fault." I look down at my hands, which are busy tugging at the hem of my shirt. If I'm not careful, it's going to be stretched out by the time I'm done. "I'm just glad this wasn't anything worse. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Which may not have been the most perfect thing to say, but I'm being honest with my feelings. That's what I've been telling Miaya I would do. That lifts a tiny bit of the weight off of my chest, but there's still about a ton left. Everything is back to being raw again. This may be the first time I will need to talk to Miaya for a little bit before my next appointment.

I take a deep breath, feeling the air fill my lungs. I remember the conversation Dad and Kokichi had a couple weeks ago when they thought I was sleeping. I wonder if being around me, if I look and sound so much like Mom, is really messing with them both. I wonder if my presence is hurting them like that.

Dinner is takeout tonight. None of us have the energy to actually cook anything, anyway, and we're all in bed soon after. I don't think any of us got enough sleep last night, and if I'm going to school tomorrow, I might as well look only half dead instead of fully dead.

But I can't sleep right away. There's too much running through my mind, preventing me from getting any rest. I need to talk to someone. It's already too late for Tadaaki to be up, and he generally doesn't have his phone on at night anyway. So of course, my first choice is Hikari. My first choice is always Hikari.

_What's up?_ she asks after my initial text. Has she even checked the backlog? All those texts I sent asking desperately for her to respond? Obviously what's up is something that I need her help with!

I explain the entire thing to her, my fingers stumbling over the keyboard on my phone. She doesn't respond for another moment, and then my phone lights up with her calling me. Good thing I already have my headphones plugged in, or my ringtone would definitely wake Dad and Kokichi.

"I am so so sorry, Mei," Hikari says immediately after I pick up. "I had no idea that happened. That fucking sucks."

"Yeah, it does," I agree in a whisper. My door is partially closed, and so is theirs, but I definitely do not want my voice to carry much. "Would've been nice of you to respond last night when I really needed you."

Hikari makes some kind of noise on the other end, like a mix between a groan and a sob. "I know. It's just that I was out with Amanda and we were running around and everything and I was so tired last night that I just kind of fell asleep right away. And then when you weren't in school today, Tadaaki just told me to give you space, and-"

I don't want to hear her excuses. There was no way she actually stayed out all afternoon yesterday, even with Amanda. There was no way she would just fall asleep the moment she got home and not do her homework. That wasn't Hikari at all, and it's so obvious to me that she's lying that I don't even know what to do about it. "You know what? Let's let it go. I just need to talk right now."

"Right. Lay it all on me. I'll be your proverbial shoulder to cry on, given that we're a couple blocks apart." A poor attempt at a joke, but I guess I have to give her props for trying.

"I've already cried myself out, but thank you." I look out the window, the stars shining and being periodically hidden by clouds. The moonlight on the snow outside looks like it's glowing. "It's just that I don't know what to do. This feels so awful, and I had the biggest panic attack about this last night, and I don't want anything bad like this to happen again and I just don't want to lose my dad and my mom in one year."

I realize quickly after that that I'm hyperventilating, but I feel like I can't catch my breath. All of the thoughts that plagued me after Mom's death, all of the thoughts and feelings I had last night, all come crashing back onto me, not like water out of floodgates, but more like an asteroid crashing onto earth.

"Mei. Take a deep, slow breath," Hikari coaches over the phone. Her voice is completely serious, taking charge. I kind of hate that she has to do this for me, but I do as she tells me. "Your dad is not dead. You won't lose him now."

"Not now, but what about on his next assignment? Or the one after that?" I've always known that something like this could happen while he's on a case, but I don't think I ever really believed it until now. Being a detective is dangerous, especially when some of the cases involve armed suspects. Like this one. "He could be killed at any time. I don't want to go to the funeral of another one of my parents so soon."

"And I get that. Really, I do." But she doesn't. Her moms are both perfectly healthy and safe. "You just need to calm down. Think about something you really love, and that will carry over into your sleep."

I don't even need to think about that. "Piano. That's it. I'll listen to one of Mom's CDs."

I hear Hikari shift over the phone and yawn. "Perfect, there you go. I'd love to talk more right now, but I'm extremely tired. It's almost midnight. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

Already midnight? "Okay. Love you, Kari."

"Love you back."

I turn my phone off completely once she hangs up. I don't need to turn my light on to find my way to my CD player, and fumble only a little in putting in a new CD, one I haven't listened to yet. It stalls a little after I press play, giving me enough time to get settled back in bed.

"Hi, Mei, my lovely daughter."

I shoot straight up in my bed, staring furiously at the CD player. Is that Mom's voice coming from it? It must be, right?

The recording doesn't stop. "It's me, your mom." She laughs, but it's muffled, like she turned away from whatever she was using to record herself. "This sounds a bit stupid, doesn't it? You'll probably hear these a lot later with me and we'll both laugh at how dumb this is. I just wanted to record some of my thoughts for you, and I'm definitely not as skilled with a video camera."

That I know. The few times she tried taping my concerts, she ended up taping her face watching the concerts. But just the shock of hearing her voice stuns me into silence.

"Anyway. This was going to be a little bit of a video journal kind of thing, but once you get old enough I want you to be able to listen to these entries and just- I don't know." She pauses to laugh again. I miss hearing her laugh so much. "Right now, you're a month old, and you're sleeping soundly. If you really listen, you can hear the CD of me playing that I put on for you. You really like listening to me play."

Now that she said that, if I concentrate, I can hear some Mozart in the background. That's one of my favorite pieces on a different CD.

"You're so cute when you sleep, with a small smile and your fuzzy blonde hair. I can already tell you're going to grow up so beautiful. I can't wait to see it."

The message cuts off there, which may be for the better, because I can't listen to any more of it. I stand and press the pause button on the CD player. I don't want to listen to any more of it right now. Of all things, this is the one thing I literally cannot stand. I can't listen to Mom talk right after I thought I almost lost Dad just like I lost her. This is something that cannot happen.

My room feels empty afterward. There's no sound except for me tossing and turning again and again. This all-too-familiar feeling sucks. Looks like I'll be looking full dead tomorrow anyway.

Hikari and Amanda hang around me all day to prevent any questions about why I look so awful. I don't want to talk to anyone; I barely want to talk to them, either. I still feel strange around Amanda, and I still don't know why. I'm just in the worst mood. I didn't even want to go to school, but I kind of have to. I hate making up all of the work.

Lucky for me, my teachers don't ask why I look so awful. They're too busy grading the recent assignments while we work on new ones, which works in my favor. I can easily bury myself in work to stop thinking about everything. Work makes it so much easier to get through the day.

And the next day, up until I go to see Miaya. She can tell immediately that something is wrong, and I don't bother hiding anything from her anymore. I need to talk about this with her, because this is so much worse than I have been the last few weeks.

"I heard about what happened with your father," she says when I sit down and consequently curl up like I did the first time I talked to her. "Do you want to start with that, or-"

"Yes." I haven't talked much in the last couple of days, not even to Hikari and Tadaaki or my dads, so my voice sounds hoarse. Unlike the first time, though, I look her right in the eye as I talk. "I had a panic attack because I didn't know what was happening. They told me to stay at a friend's house for the night, and didn't tell me anything until they were certain of what's going on. I thought Dad was dying like Mom did and I wasn't going to be there for him. I couldn't deal with that thought."

Miaya nods along with my words. "And that's completely understandable. After what you've been through, it only makes sense that you would relapse if something like this happens. Can you tell me more about how you felt?"

I close my eyes for a moment. "Scared, for one. I didn't know what was happening, and one of my friends wasn't answering my texts the entire time because she was too busy with her girlfriend. I only had one person I could talk to, and he helped me out while I was panicking. I was up all night, so I was also extremely tired, and then two nights ago when I was too worried to sleep still, I found a CD that had recordings that Mom made for me of her talking, and- I don't know."

"You haven't heard her voice in weeks, and all of the sudden you did again."

It sounds ridiculous to my ears, but knowing the context helps normalize it again. "Right. And part of what she said in there just made me lose it, you know? She said that she was looking forward to the two of us listening to the recordings together, and I had to turn it off." My hands start tugging at the edge of my uniform and my winter coat. "I didn't listen to the rest of it, and that was just the first track. I don't know how many more tracks are on there."

Miaya doesn't talk for a moment, and I can feel her gaze on me even though I'm looking everywhere but her. I would probably cry if I did and I really don't want to feel that crappy again so soon. Or ever again, if I can help it. "Do you think it would help if you listened to the messages with your dads, or at least someone else? It could help lighten the emotional load."

"Maybe, but I don't want to put that on them, either." I hesitate a second before adding, "The first night I stayed with Dad and Kokichi, I heard them talking after they thought I was asleep."

"Oh?" She quirks an eyebrow at me, and I know she's expecting what I'm about to say, or at least something that's not great news.

And I tell her. It actually feels good to get it off of my chest. I don't know why I've been carrying this around with me the entire time when I could've told her. Miaya is trustworthy. None of this is going to get back to my dads like it would if I'd told Hikari or Tadaaki, or even Haru.

"I can see how that would be quite a load on you," she says once I finish. "A comment like that, even though it wasn't meant for you to hear, weighs heavily. Not only that, you've been carrying it around with you for a while. Do you think it would help to talk to your dads about it?"

"No!" I wince at how loud my voice is, though Miaya doesn't recoil at all. "I mean, I can't. It would crush them if they knew I heard that. After Mom, I can't do that to them." I sigh and kick my legs a little. "Look, Dad's parents are never around and his uncle lives a few hours away. I'm the only immediate family he has, and he counted Mom as part of that family. Losing her, and then having me look just like her, I can see how that would make him react like that." As I talk, I start to see more and more what he must've felt when he said that. "...I should talk to him about this. Sorry for fighting you on it."

Miaya shakes her head emphatically. "No, don't be sorry. Sometimes it's easier to rationalize suggestions when you think through them yourself. Would it help to think up a plan of approach, or do you want to do that on your own?"

I let go of the breath that I held that entire time. "I'd like you to help me, please." This whole asking-for-help thing is getting easier and easier. And this might actually help.

Hopefully.

X-X-X

I don't actually talk to Dad and Kokichi until Friday night. This isn't a family dinner night, so it's just the three of us at the dinner table, and Panta if she's lurking around somewhere. She's probably crashed in my room like she usually is.

"Your December concert is coming up soon, isn't it?" Dad asks with a smile. He's always loved coming to my concerts almost as much as Mom had.

"Just that one and then the big March concert." I've gotten a pretty long way in learning the solo for that concert, but I'm still concerned about the emotion in it and the whole "solo" part of it. It was never a big deal for Mom when she played. She always played flawlessly, and if I want to live up to that, I'm going to need to step up my game big time.

Except now I'm working on being my own person, not a clone of Mom. I need to remember that as my personal mission, since that was something else I talked to Maiya about. I don't want to live in her shadow for the rest of my life, being compared to her. Although, if I'm going to be compared to anyone, I'm glad it's her.

"You know, I can't believe that you're going to be a third year soon," Kokichi says with a dramatic dab at his eyes. "It seems like just yesterday you were born and I knew you would be an amazing underling- I mean, stepdaughter."

Dad and I both roll our eyes at that, but I get the sentiment. My whole childhood seems like it blurred past me, and it'll only be a couple more years until I go to university. It's a weird thought, one that Hikari likes bringing up to torture me sometimes.

"About that, though." I look at them and remember how Miaya and I figured I should say this. "I know the circumstances haven't exactly been ideal, but I really like living with you two. And it hasn't been super easy for me, and I really appreciate everything you guys do for me. But there's one thing I want to talk about."

Dad and Kokichi exchange what is clearly a bit of a worried glance before looking back at me. "Nothing too bad, I hope," Dad says, and I can see the anxiety behind his eyes.

"Not really. It's just something that's been on my mind for a while." I shift my gaze off of them and onto the table in front of them. It's easier if I don't have to see their reactions when I tell them this. "That first night, I heard what you said. How I look just like Mom, and a little bit of what came after. I didn't want to bring it up because I knew that you'd feel awful for me hearing it, since you probably thought that I was sleeping. And this connects with something else, too.

"I found a CD in my stack of recordings of Mom's playing that's just her talking. I couldn't listen to it on my own, and Miaya suggested that I listen to it with the two of you, but especially Dad, knowing that you were as torn up as I was- I mean, like you said, Mom was your best friend. I didn't want you to have the same reaction I did."

I'm done, but I still don't look up. Neither of them talks, and I don't know what I should expect them to say. Then comes the scraping of chairs and I feel the comforting pressure of a hug. "I'm so sorry you heard that," Dad says, and kisses the top of my head. "I wish I'd known earlier, we could've talked through it. I didn't want you to know how much it was affecting me. I wanted to be strong for you first and foremost."

From my other side, Kokichi speaks up. "Communication could've been a lot better to begin with, but look now. You're talking to each other about this. Better late than never in this case."

"Right." I hear a quick kissing sound above me, which makes me squirm a little. Again with the PDA. "Maybe Miaya was onto something, though. If you want to listen to Kaede's messages together, all you have to do is ask and we'll be there, okay?"

"Okay." I sink into their embrace, however awkward it is since I'm still sitting and they're both standing. Even so, it feels nice. That's one mental obstacle taken care of. I'm that much closer to okay again.

X-X-X

The first time Mei ever saw a hospital was when she was three. Kaede made sure that Mei's hand was in hers the entire time and that she behaved well. This was a treat for her, being able to see Maki and Kaito's newborn rather than being babysat by Erika or Kaede's parents.

She was wide-eyed and staring at everything, which was expected. She was naturally curious, which is why Kaede found herself reeling her in at times so she wouldn't wander off or touch things she shouldn't touch.

Kirumi and Miu were just leaving the room with Hikari in their arms. They didn't stop for once; they probably had somewhere they needed to be. That was alright; they could catch up on the phone later. Kaede was just excited to see her best friend- well, one of her best friends- finally become a mother.

Maki looked half-asleep, which Kaede understood. Even in the day or two after childbirth, it took a lot of energy to stay awake and listen to everything the nurses said and greet a million different people wanting to meet the infant. Kaede remembered being exhausted herself after Mei was born.

"Hey," she said softly, already grinning. Mei peered around the room in fascination, from the bed to Kaito to Maki and the baby in her arms. "How're you doing?"

"More tired than usual," Maki replied, but Kaede could tell from the look on her face that she was quite content. "Kaede, this is Tadaaki."

Kaede lifted Mei so she could see as well and looked into the infant's face. He was awake, but quiet. His wide eyes were reminiscent of Maki's already, but without the usual piercing glare. "Hi, Tadaaki," she whispered. "Mei, say hi."

"Hi." Mei waved, not taking her eyes off of Tadaaki. She looked back at Kaede. "Go home now?"

Kaito laughed, more subdued than usual so as to not bother Tadaaki. "Looks like she has her priorities in order," he joked, and Kaede rolled her eyes. "Look, Mei, Tadaaki is going to be your friend once he grows up a little. Just like Hikari."

Mei's face scrunched up. "I don't like Hikari."

"Well, then he'll be your friend anyway. Maybe he'll be like your little brother."

Mei thought about that for a moment before perking up. "Mommy? Can I have a brother?"

Cue another laugh from Kaito as Kaede's cheeks reddened. "Um, we'll talk about this later, okay? It's almost your nap time anyway. Thanks for letting us visit, Maki, Kaito." She left the room without another thought, Mei's words going over and over in her mind.

Would she like to give Mei a younger sibling? Maybe. Mei herself wasn't too much trouble, and she would love to expand her family. But would Shuichi be on board with that? Probably not, and she'd be okay with that. But, given how close their families were, Tadaaki would make the perfect "little brother" for Mei.


	11. Life Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the penultimate chapter! Thanks for the ride!

"There's my favorite person," Haru jokes as he sees me waving. Snow covers the ground in the park; there's at least an inch or two of it now. Being the first day of December, this is only the beginning.

"There's one of my favorite people," I respond with a smirk. We decided to meet up and chat, since neither of us have talked much since I texted him in the middle of the night. I thought it was only fair to catch up with each other, seeing as how he was my emotional rock that night.

He splays a hand on his chest in a faux-wounded gesture. "Only one? Mei, you hurt me!"

I roll my eyes at him. "Knock it off. How've you been doing?"

"As fine as I can be. School is a pain in the ass, but when isn't it?" He shrugs as we start walking along the partially cleared path. I know that he doesn't go to my school; there's one closer to D.I.C.E. headquarters. Sometimes I wonder if we would've been friends earlier if he were in my school. "At least the year is starting to wind down, right? Then I've only got one more year."

"Two for me." That thought just keeps on popping up, doesn't it? "Three and Nine treating you well?"

He laughs. "Of course. They're both really great, and some of the other recruits are phenomenal at homework help, so none of us are even failing our classes. Pretty sweet deal, actually."

Certainly sounds like it to me. And I know that technically not all D.I.C.E. members live at headquarters, so I could still totally join if I wanted to, but all the pranking they go on would definitely take away from piano practice.

I pace a couple steps ahead of him and whirl around. "Look, I owe you an explanation. And an apology."

"What for?" He stops walking, cocks his head to the side.

"For making you stay up with me that night. I...obviously wasn't in a good place and you were the only one available. You were probably sleeping all through your classes the day after."

"Don't be sorry about that. I sleep in my classes anyway." I almost laugh at his joke, but only because I could see that actually happening. "Seriously, though. Of course I'm going to be there if you need me. That's what friends do."

My lips quirk up into a smile. "Right. And I wanted to tell you what happened, too. All of it. Because normally I wouldn't react that way."

He fakes a gasp. "Are you telling me that you're going to tell me your life story? I thought you weren't the kind to tell it so early on!"

It takes all I have in me not to shove him. "It's already been a month or two, right? I know you enough to trust you with my life story. Or, at least, this part of it." I fall back in line with him, and we keep walking. "I apologize in advance if I don't look at you at all while I talk. You're the second person I'm telling this all to, the first one being my therapist. And you're the first person other than my dads to know that I have a therapist, so if you could keep that information to yourself."

"Understandable. Proceed."

So I do. I tell him how it was with Mom, about her diagnosis, about moving in with Dad and Kokichi after she died. I tell him about Hikari and Tadaaki and their parents, how they're always there, how they're an extension to my family despite us not sharing blood. I tell him about Miaya, Amanda, and how Hikari has been hanging out with Amanda more often than me and Tadaaki now. And I tell him about what happened with Dad, and why I freaked out so badly about it. How I thought I would lose him, too, and I wouldn't even have the chance to say goodbye like I did with Mom. How if he died, Aunt Erika would be the only biological family I would have left.

I unload a lot of Haru, and to his credit, he nods in all the right places. Even without looking at him, I can tell he's really listening to me. That's something I like about him; he's a good listener.

"That's a lot. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that." His voice takes on a softer quality once I finish, and it's only now that I look back at him. He's not looking at me, but right in front of us at the horizon.

"It's not the best situation," I agree, but I know that there are many worse out there. I know that both Kokichi and Aunt Maki have always been orphans, even though I'm pretty sure Mom tried keeping me from that information as long as possible. You learn to put two-and-two together when they never mention their parents, even to complain.

He looks over at me now with something almost curious and quizzical in his eyes. "And yet, you're fine with sharing it now. That's quite some progress from what you first described, isn't it?"

"You're right." Miaya really helped a lot in that aspect. "Anyway, I guess that's my life story. Or most of it, at least."

Haru is quiet for a minute or so as we keep walking before laughing under his breath. "Well, might as well tell you a bit of mine, then."

"Oh, you don't have to." But one look at his face and the determination laced in his expression told me all I needed to know. "Um, go ahead, then."

A small smile paints Haru's lips as he starts talking. "My parents aren't around too much. Always busy with their jobs. When I joined D.I.C.E., I thought I'd be one of the members who lived away from HQ. For a while, everything was pretty great. Once my parents found out, they couldn't care less about whether I stayed home or went to HQ. After I got into that fight, though, I went right to HQ. Didn't want to bring any of the trouble to my parents."

He shrugs, his gloved hands buried in his coat pockets. "Remember I said you remind me of someone? My cousin Yasu always played piano for me every time we were together. Then, years ago, our parents got into some stupid fight. I haven't seen Yasu since." His eyes shift over to me. "And that, my dear Mei, is my partial life story. Not completely awful, in my opinion."

It's not, not by a long shot. Something in me, though, makes me think that it's not the entire truth about that fight. "To think, we were complete strangers just a few weeks ago. I'm pretty glad I followed you that day."

"I'm pretty glad, too." He sounds a little surprised, but grateful nonetheless. "Hey, whatever happened to that feisty attitude you had that day?"

"I mellow out for people I tolerate." I laugh as he fakes a slow gasp. "Okay, now that the heavy stuff is out of the way, want to grab a cupcake? My treat."

His smile, I notice, is easier now. Talking really can lift that burden, as cheesy and cliche as it sounds. "Sounds good to me. Let's pick up the pace, though; don't want to be caught in the blizzard."

I look up at the sky as much as I can. The snow is picking up already, as is the wind. Definitely not something I'd like to be caught in. "Good thing we're only a block away." My strides nearly match his, thanks to our similar height.

We duck into the bakery the first second we can, relishing in the heat thawing our frozen faces. There's no line at the counter like there usually is, probably thanks to the weather. I step up and order our four cupcakes: lemon for me, red velvet for him, and chocolate for Dad and Kokichi. Once those are paid for, we grab a table near the front to sit at for a while. No harm in devouring our treats now.

"Mei, you didn't tell me you'd be here!" I nearly drop my cupcake when I hear Hikari come up behind me, fresh from the snowy outside. I turn just in time to see her gaze slide over to Haru. "I don't think we've met. I'm Hikari."

"Haru," he replies in the same tone he used with Three, Dad, and Kokichi. Hikari's overly polite tone isn't lost on me, either. Am I going to have to do damage control of some kind?

Before I can answer my own question, Amanda comes up behind Hikari with two cupcakes in hand. "All set, love?" Hikari is speechless and blushing as Amanda notices us. "Oh, hey, Mei! And- wait, you look familiar."

I glance at Haru in slight confusion. He looks just as confused as I do until his face suddenly lights up in recognition. "Wait, you're Kyo's cousin, aren't you? He told me you were a foreign exchange here. I'm Haru. Kyo and I have been friends for as long as I can remember."

"I'm Amanda. Nice to finally meet you!" She sets their cupcakes down and starts chatting. I have a good second to look on before I feel Hikari tug me away from them.

"What gives?" I ask, brushing her hand off of my arm. "Can't I please enjoy my cupcake?"

Her glare in this moment could rival Aunt Maki's despite my attempt at a joke. "What happened to us telling each other everything? Because I'm pretty sure you never mentioned your new friend there."

I cross my arms, suddenly on the defense. "Haru? I met him at D.I.C.E. when my dads and I visited. I didn't know it was such a big deal."

"Look, I know I've been hanging out with Amanda a lot, but that doesn't mean we can suddenly make new, secret friends and become flakier than usual!"

My jaw drops. Is she actually serious? "Kari, what are you talking about?"

She scoffs, her own arms crossed now. She'd look much more intimidating if she weren't so much shorter than I am. "All those times you've skipped out on me and Tadaaki after school? What happened to the three of us always walking home together? If you need to go home early so bad-"

"Oh my god. Are you listening to yourself right now? What I do after school is my business, not yours. And you think I don't know that you're out with Amanda a lot? That's why you weren't there for me when I thought Dad was dying. Haru was. I don't own you any explanation." I march right back over to my table and toss my cupcake in the box with Dad and Kokichi's. Haru and Amanda look between the two of us, obviously sensing that something isn't right. "This was fun, Haru, but I have to go now. Nice seeing you, Amanda."

Luckily, none of them follow me out. I make a quick reminder to myself to send an apology text to Haru later before steeling myself for the snowy walk home.

X-X-X

Another reason I was out: Dad has one of his detective friends and her husband over for tea and coffee. I've never actually met them, only heard stories. She apparently works even more than Dad does.

I'm as quiet as I can be coming in, masking my anger for the sake of the guests. I hear everyone talking in the living room, so I sneak around into the kitchen. The cupcake box goes on the counter with a note for them not to touch mine before I go to my room.

The first thing I do is text Haru that apology. None of what happened was his fault. Then I sit down at my keyboard, headphones plugged in, and start practicing the solo piece. Putting emotion into the song offsets my anger towards Hikari. The more I play, the more lax I feel. Not only that, but it sounds good, too. I'm going to have this on lock for March.

My phone lights up multiple times with texts, but I ignore them for the time being. I keep playing until my fingers ache, one of the best feelings in the world. It's rewarding, a good precursor for a breath to study for some tests coming up next week.

By the time I finish up with that, Dad's friends are gone, and so are his and Kokichi's cupcakes. I don't bother putting mine on a plate. I eat it out of the box as I check my messages. A couple from Haru, saying that I didn't need to apologize; one from band, reminding us of the upcoming concert; one from Tadaaki, asking if I know why Hikari is acting strange.

None, I note, are actually from Hikari. She's giving me the silent treatment. That's fine by me; she'll have to be the one to break it.

While I eat, savoring the bittersweet of the lemon cake, I hear Dad and Kokichi talking just under the news. It's not about anything significant, so I tune it out and instead fill Tadaaki in on what just went down. He doesn't respond right away, so I assume he's either eating, updating his YouTube, or actually completing his homework.

When my phone finally lights up, it's not from him: it's from an unknown number. I skim over it quickly. As it turns out, it's Amanda apologizing for taking Hikari from me and Tadaaki. Internally, I wince; did she overhear that part, or is that what Hikari told her our argument was about? I shoot her a quick text back telling her that it's not her fault- and it isn't. She's a sweet girl. It's not her fault that Hikari chose her over her family.

I run my hand through my hair, trying to smooth it out of my ponytail. I can't help but feel like I'm being overdramatic about this, but at the same time, my views are completely justified. The reason Hikari wasn't there when I needed her was because she was tired after being out with Amanda. For her to try to flip on me that I've been ditching them for therapy sessions they don't know about is like salt in the wound. Plus, I'm pretty sure she's holding a grudge against Haru now for something he didn't do- take me away from them. Ugh, when did this all become so complicated?

"Something bothering you?" Dad stands near the sink, depositing his empty coffee mug. It's still a little strange for me to see him with the sling, but that's only for a week or so more.

"Kinda?" I toss out the empty box. "Just some stuff with Hikari."

A look crosses his face, and immediately I know he's remembering the many, many years when Hikari and I could barely stand each other. "Hopefully not anything big. Do you want to talk about it?"

I shrug. I'm not sure if talking would make this better or worse. "Don't you want to get back to Kokichi?"

His lips quirk into a smile, and his face relaxes. I've always been able to tell just because of his facial cues how much he loves Kokichi. "He's dozing. Luckily for us, the news is pretty boring today. Sure you don't want to talk?"

"Not right now, but thanks." Still, I give him a hug. I can't remember the last time I hugged him for no reason. I practically melt into him and his one-armed embrace. "Love you, Dad."

"Love you, too. Especially when you bring home cupcakes, those were good." I smile and roll my eyes at him. Of course he would appreciate the cupcakes, but then again, who wouldn't? "And, Mei. You know that I'm proud of you, right?"

"For what?" His words catch me without warning, leaving me to try to figure out what they mean before he can respond.

And after a beat, he does. "Everything. You've grown into a beautiful, intelligent young woman, and I'm so proud of you for all of it. Kokichi is, too. We both love you so much."

My grip on him tightens for just a second before we pull apart. "Thanks, Dad. I think I needed that." I feel like I can breathe just a tiny bit easier now. They're on my side in this without even knowing what this is about. They have my back. Of course they do, I don't know why I ever doubted them. "Now, you go cuddle with your husband. I'm going to- well, I'm not sure yet, but don't worry about me. I'm good."

Dad runs his hand through his hair with a small smile. "Just so you know, it's when children say not to worry when parents worry the most, but I appreciate the sentiment. How about we all watch a movie later? Or play Mario Party?"

"Sounds good. Call me down when you guys are done being all lovey-dovey." I stick my tongue out at him playfully and shoo him back into the living room to be back with Kokichi. Mom told me a year or so ago that Kokichi's early life wasn't easy, though I think she didn't mean to tell me; she was a little tipsy after a holiday party. If Kokichi is so happy with Dad, then I think it's perfect for them to be together as often as possible.

My retreat into my room is without flair, which is finally what I'm going for. I don't have any homework left to do, and I already practiced the solo, so I really don't have much to do. Bored, I open my computer and surf around online, looking for anything interesting. As usual, nothing much. No news on the school's website about winter clubs, mostly because the only winter-exclusive club is sparsely populated. Nothing on spring clubs yet, either, since those are a few months away. I wonder how Hikari's going to juggle all of her dates with Amanda along with soccer, especially since she's one of the best players on the team, if not the best.

My hand reaches for my phone, and before I know what I'm doing, I'm dialing. The other end rings in that buzzy way that I hate, and even though I don't know exactly why I'm doing this, anticipation bubbles in me.

"Hello?"

"Amanda, hi." I lean back in my seat and run a hand through my hair, touseling it quite a bit. "Um, this is Mei."

"What's up?" No noise in the background on her end. She's probably alone, which means Hikari isn't with her at the moment. That, or she's listening in. That bitch.

I don't speak for a second. "I don't know, actually. If you're busy, I can go."

"No, it's fine. I think we should get to know each other, you know? I'm dating your friend, so obviously we're going to spend a good amount of time together. I think she's planning on bringing me to the next family dinner, too." Of course she is, but at least Amanda is right; we should get to know each other. I can't hold anything against her.

"Right." I take a random pencil off of my desk and tap the eraser side against my leg. "Could I just ask you something, though?"

A beat passes before she says "Sure, go ahead!"

I take a breath, ready to ask the question that's been on my mind. "You're not planning on hurting Hikari, are you? When you go back home after the school year?"

More time passes this time, likely due to my question. "Of course not! I mean, I definitely know why you would think that, and of course this is like the classic protection-squad thing. I really love Hikari, Mei. I would never do anything to hurt her."

I can hear it in her voice, just like how Dad and Kokichi talk about each other. She's as in love with Hikari as Hikari is with her. They're the perfect match for each other. "What's going to happen when you go home, then?"

"We haven't really discussed it yet, kinda trying to avoid the topic. But I think I want to try long-distance. I know Hikari told me that she might be interested in coming to America for university, so I figured once we're out of high school-"

"Wait." My chair pushes back with a screech as I stand abruptly. "She's going to go to university in America?"

"You didn't know?" She sounds as confused as I feel. This definitely should've come up in some conversation we've had in the past.

I can't believe I don't know everything about my best friend. "No." In fact, the couple times we've talked about university before, Hikari and I always talked about going to the same one and being roommates. But since we're too young to really discuss it, it almost never comes up. This is something that we really should've talked about more, right? "Um. I have to go, but thanks for humoring me for a while. You really are a nice girl."

"Wait, Mei-"

I hang up before she can say anything more.

I can't believe this! Hikari was making plans past high school without me, without even telling me. I'm so used to us doing everything together that it feels unsettling to think about. We even include Tadaaki in these talks so we can have a witness to them and so he can have his role figured out.

What else has she figured out without us?

When I go back to the living room, Kokichi is just barely awake and Dad is idly playing with his hair while they talk. As much as I don't want to disturb their peace, I need to talk to them about this. I'm not going to lay all of this on Tadaaki or Haru. "Can we talk?"

Kokichi beckons me onto the couch, and I slide up beside him and Dad, using Kokichi's shoulder as a pillow. "What's up, Mei-flower?"

"Stuff with Hikari." And again, I get the same look I got from Dad earlier. Ten years of fighting, and this is what happens the one time we don't agree on something five years after that. I sure hope this doesn't lead to another decade of fighting. "Kinda involves Haru and Amanda, too."

"Lay it on us, sweetheart," Dad tells me. His tone and expression just scream support, which puts me at ease.

Once I'm done telling them everything about what happened today, I almost hope that they reserve their judgement. They've known Hikari as long as I have, and with the closeness of our families, she's kind of like a second daughter to them, much like I am to Aunt Miu and Aunt Kirumi. Any major blowup between us could tear apart our families like in _Romeo and Juliet_, only without the love and double-suicide.

"So that's what that was about," Dad says offhandedly, referring to our earlier conversation. "I could tell that this was bugging you, as much as you played it off."

"I would think that I hid it better, but you're a detective. I should know better." Almost a joke, but it doesn't exactly land right. "Seriously, tell me what you guys think. Am I being too dramatic about this?"

"No more dramatic than I would be." Kokichi shrugs as much as he can with my head still on his shoulder. "Much less so, actually. No, you're completely fine. It's entirely reasonable to have those feelings."

Dad is a little more deliberate with his response. "So you haven't told Hikari and Tadaaki about therapy?" I shake my head. "And you tried to contact her that night?" I nod. "And she was with Amanda that evening and was too tired to be up that late?" Another nod. "You're definitely justified, I knew that before, but may I ask why you haven't told them about therapy?"

"I just don't want them to know. They don't need to know, I guess." It's my personal life, and even though we're best friends, it's something I don't feel like sharing. "And then she tried to say that I was spending that time with Haru like he's some kind of secret. I almost hope that she didn't breach the topic with Tadaaki."

"Tadaaki knows Haru?"

"Met him a couple weeks ago. We ran into him while filming parkour." Saying it out loud, that Tadaaki knows something about me that Hikari doesn't, fills me with shame. Shouldn't the two of us- no, three of us- share everything with each other? We always have before. "I need to fix this."

Dad and Kokichi exchange a quick look. "Well, Friday is dinner at Hikari's house, so you might want to make up soon," Kokichi says, shifting so his arm is around my shoulders. "But we've got your back. Neither of you can share the entire blame. You just need to increase your communication, that's all. Maybe schedule some more time for just you and Hikari and Tadaaki, away from Amanda and Haru."

Right, that seems fair. We really should be doing that more anyway, since it's just been me and Tadaaki on the way home for the last few weeks. The more Hikari is with Amanda, the more I feel like I'm losing her. "But the university in America part? It sounded like she was completely sure about that decision."

Dad laughs, almost like a snort. "No offence, but Kirumi would never let Hikari go to America on her own. Miu went there for a year or two for university, and she liked it enough, but it's a whole different country. There's no way that either of them would just let her go there fresh out of high school. They don't want to be that far away from her."

"What if I wanted to go to America? Would you want to be that far from me?"

"Of course not! Mei, we both love you too much to let you go like that. Trust me, you going to university at all isn't going to be that easy for us. It wouldn't have been fun for your mom, either." And there it is, but Dad seems to be speaking more freely about her. That's a good sign, isn't it? "You know, right after you were born, she was already lamenting watching you grow up and feeling like the time moved too fast."

Kokichi laughs, tilting his head back a bit. "Oh my gosh, she said that so much! I was so tempted to pull a prank on her with a D.I.C.E. member to make her think you were already completely grown up. And especially since Miu and Kirumi adopted Hikari, and Kaito and Maki had Tadaaki, that talk came around so often. But you know what? Knowing you after that, I can tell that they were right. You three really have grown up really fast. We all have."

Nostalgia sets in their eyes. The way they look at each other then, the love reflected in their eyes, cues me into what they're thinking about. I'm certain they're both thinking about high school when they met, when they started dating, their marriage, everything. Time really must've flown for them, and they had each other through it all. I'll have Hikari and Tadaaki through everything, and hopefully Haru, too. The only way for me to know for sure is to make up.

Still, I know that Hikari is banking on me giving in first. Even among my natural stubbornness, she is worlds more stubborn when she wants to be. I don't want to give her the satisfaction of me apologizing first.

For the time being, I shift my position. "Can we watch a movie or something tonight? I want to have some family time."

"Sounds good to me," Dad says, even though it's a school night. It's still early in the evening, anyway. We both look at Kokichi, who's dozing again. I never really noticed before, but he kind of curls up like a cat when he sleeps. And since he's on top of Dad, looks like he's not gonna be moving anytime soon. "Although it might just be us."

"That's fine." I curl up a little more, my head slipping into the space between him and Kokichi. Perfectly comfortable, my phone and drama in the other room, an old crime movie on because that's mine and Dad's favorite genre. There were a few nights when I was younger when I would come over just to watch these movies since Mom wasn't too big of a fan of this genre.

At some point, while Dad and I idly throw out our theories for the movie, Panta comes in and curls up against the insides of my knees. We're all in a giant pile, and I don't need to bother myself with anything else. What's here right now is perfect. I don't want to move and interrupt it.

Kokichi is fully asleep by the end of the movie, and Dad is pretty damn close. I slide the remote out of his hand and turn the television off before snuggling in closer. We're all going to feel this in the morning, given our awkward positioning, but I close my eyes anyway. I don't particularly care.

X-X-X

Kaede always loved going to Mei's band concerts almost as much as she loved working on the songs with her at home. Each concert acted like a new milestone for how far her skills had gone. There was nothing she loved more than watching her daughter flourish.

Mei came running up to her after her sixth grade concert, her grin nice and wide. She was too big now for Kaede to pick up- she nearly came up to Kaede's shoulders already. "How'd you like that?" she asked excitedly. "I know you can't really hear me over everyone else, but I think that was the best!"

"I know! I was right up close as I could be to hear you. You were amazing as usual." She pulled Mei into a hug and planted a kiss on her head. "How did I get so lucky to have a daughter as talented and wonderful as you?"

A cheeky grin settled on Mei's lips. "You did get pretty lucky, didn't you?" Kaede rolled her eyes with a smile. "Hey, can I stay up until nine tonight?"

Kaede put a hand on top of Mei's head, messing her hair up a bit. "That would be a no, you have school tomorrow."

Even though her posture deflated a bit, Mei's voice retained it's cheeriness. "Well, can I play the songs for Daddy and Kokichi next time they come?"

"I'm sure they'd love that." She knew that they would've come- they normally did- but Shuichi had to work late and Kokichi was needed at D.I.C.E. headquarters. That was one of the moments when Kaede was glad her job didn't take her away from home too often. She wanted to be anywhere she needed to be for Mei. "It's starting to get late, though. If you have everything you need, we should get going."

"All set!" Mei bounced on the balls of her feet on the way out. Jeez, she was so cute.


	12. Da Capo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the wonderful reception on this! This was a lot of fun to work on these last few months, and I'm so happy I got to share it with you. I hope to see you all on my next project!

Hikari doesn't talk to me on Monday. She doesn't walk to school with us on Tuesday. Wednesday, she doesn't wait for us to go home.

"I don't get why she's so mad about this," I tell Miaya a few minutes into our session. I've already told her everything, from the complete radio silence to Amanda's anxious looks between us. "And I don't get why Haru and Amanda had to be brought into it."

Miaya fingers the tails of her ever-present scarf, a more sensible option with the snow, while she thinks. I've gotten used to her maintaining eye contact during moments like these, but it's still a little unnerving. "If you really want my opinion on this, it seems like a situation you look away from until it happens to you. Hikari was fine leaving you and Tadaaki for Amanda, but once you started slipping away one day a week and she met Haru, she thought you were doing the same, and that hurt. It also likely hurt that she didn't know about Haru either, even though her not being there had more dire consequences when you needed her."

"Right, that was why Haru and I were out in the first place. I wanted to apologize for him being up so late with me."

"I really don't see a way for the situation to improve until you apologize to each other, really talk all of this out. You seem to have a really good friendship; it would be a shame to have it all gone for one disagreement like this." She tugs at her scarf more, pulling it up to cover her neck better.

She's right. We need to talk, but I know she won't be the one to break the silence. Unless-

"We have a family dinner tomorrow. There's no way she'll be able to ignore me all night." Not if she wants to keep her polite image up in front of our parents, at least. "Okay, then. We'll have this all over and done with by the weekend."

My tone is so convincing, Miaya smiles. But deep down, I know this won't go over easily. Even with efforts from Tadaaki, Amanda (who I'm sure will be there), and our parents, it'll take a moved mountain to get her to admit that she was in the wrong on this one. Things will get ugly before they can improve again. That's always how it goes. "I've been getting better about Mom, though. It's easier to talk about her now."

Miaya nods, her smile still there. "I've noticed you getting better about that from our talks. Have you tried listening to her recordings again?"

I shift in my seat. "About that…not really? I want to, but I don't want to." I run a hand through my loose hair- it covers my neck better in the winter months. "I want to hear her voice again, but I don't want to face that it'll be the same few recordings over and over." I hadn't said that out loud. I'd barely even though it. I don't want to face something like that, even though it's been a couple of months.

"And that's fine. It's up to you to recognize when you're ready for something like that. If nothing else, it'll be a good way for you to remember her voice." I nod. That was one of the points in my mind, making me want to listen to them. But she's also right that I need to be ready myself. I don't need to force myself into anything.

The rest of my session is uneventful, but to me, that's a good thing. I don't feel the need to cry. I come out feeling better than when I went in. Therapy is doing its job- which means that Kokichi and Dad were right, as much as I don't want to admit it to myself. I don't even know where I would be if it weren't for Miaya.

I don't need to wait long for Kokichi today, either. He's ready to leave almost as soon as I am. The snow on the ground is definitely going to slow down our travel a little, which makes me even more glad that we live close to the center of town. "So," I say, uncomfortable with our momentary silence. "There may be a little friction still tomorrow."

"You and Hikari?" He glances at me for a second before fixing his eyes on the road. "Is she still not talking to you?"

"If she doesn't tomorrow, it'll have been all week." I hunch down in my seat. Why does she have to be so stubborn about this? "Will you tell Dad and everyone else to try forcing us to talk? I don't want this to go on longer than it already has."

"Sure, but that may not be all it takes to help. You know, Maki and I gave each other the silent treatment a lot back in high school. We couldn't stand each other."

I can see Aunt Maki giving him the silent treatment, but I can't imagine Kokichi ever not wanting to tease someone. "Well, what made you two like each other?"

He laughs, though for some reason it doesn't seem as natural as it usually is. "A lot of time and everyone else forcing us to spend time in groups. Toleration came more easily than friendship back then. Ask anyone who the most annoying person in class was back then and the answer would be me."

That reminds me of a few weeks ago, when I asked him what his favorite part of high school was. This is a clear contradiction to the lie he gave me then. "So what was your favorite part, then? No lies this time."

"Dang, caught me in my own game, Mei-Flower." He thinks it over for a minute. "Honestly, I hated high school. I...didn't really have any friends. Shu tolerated me for the most part, and so did your mom, but I was so annoying back then. Every other thing out of my mouth was a lie. My favorite part was probably visiting D.I.C.E. on the weekends. I felt really bad leaving them all, since everyone lived in the Hope's Peak dorms."

"I...didn't know that you didn't like high school." Mom always talked about how much fun high school was, how close-knit their class was. I never really considered that Kokichi or even Dad had a different experience. I kind of wish I was in their class so I could be Kokichi's friend. He's a good person, and the best stepdad I could ask for. He deserves it. "Didn't you and Dad start dating back then, though?"

Kokichi shook his head. "No, actually. We didn't know each other as well back then, as much as I liked teasing him. Once we graduated, I wasn't in contact much with my old class."

"Well, how did you two start dating, then?" I'm genuinely curious; I don't remember ever hearing this story. Dad never told me, at least.

"I transferred to his college our sophomore year. We had a couple classes together, so we reconnected from there." He laughs under his breath. "I may have latched onto him since he was the only person there I knew, but I guess that turned out well for both of us. He asked me out a few months in, and the rest is history. I'll tell you, though, I mellowed out a lot in that one year. Otherwise, I don't think we would've gotten along so well."

Aww, that's actually kinda cute. It fits them, too, something personal and unique. Definitely the kind of origin story I could imagine for them. "Do you ever regret not dating him in high school?"

He pulls into the driveway and turns off the car before answering. "Every day. But I'm also sure we wouldn't be where we are if we had. Nothing would be the same if we had, and I'm happy we're where we are now." The ghost of a smile taints his lips. "Everything is so much better now."

I'm glad he thinks so. "Dad should be coming back from his appointment soon, right?" Kokichi nods. "Then we can come up with a game plan for tomorrow."

Kokichi stayed in the car for another minute. I go inside with my own key hesitantly; he makes no move to follow. Panta is already fed by the time he comes in, his expression perfectly neutral. "Mei, whatever does happen tomorrow, promise me something."

"Yeah?" My bag is on my chair in the kitchen, unzipped and ready to be unloaded. Today is a homework-in-the-kitchen kind of night.

"Don't let this argument rip you guys apart. Be honest with each other and make up, okay?" His voice, dead serious, almost doesn't match his expression. Even after knowing him for fifteen years, I still can't quite figure him out.

His expression doesn't shift, even as I study it. Between him and Dad, I've always been able to read people, but Kokichi's mask is uncrackable. "I promise."

His features soften gently into a natural smile. "Good. Let's get dinner ready for Shu."

X-X-X

Friday brings another bout of silence from Hikari. Tadaaki looks like he's going to snap and start shouting at both of us at any second, but he doesn't. That's not the type of person he is. He tries to prompt us into talking to each other. She doesn't take the bait, but there's only so much I can take.

About an hour before dinner, Amanda calls me. "I'm thinking of not coming tonight," she says in lieu of a greeting. "It'll be awkward and I really don't want to be known as the cause."

Dad and Kokichi give me quizzical looks, but I wave them off. "Okay, it might be awkward, but I think you being there will help, trust me. And you aren't the cause! None of this is your fault."

"You really think so?"

Didn't I tell her so before? "Look at it this way: if you're there, that's another person who can keep her in check. She's angry with me and too stubborn to apologize for making a big deal out of nothing, but I highly doubt she'll blow up in front of you along with our parents." I glance over at my dads, who are trying to look like they aren't eavesdropping. "I'd like to end this tonight if we can, and I really think you can help talk some sense into her. If she won't listen to me, she'll listen to you."

She sighs in frustration. I know that talking sense is all she's been doing all week, but one more push could be all it takes. "You're right. Thanks, Mei. I'll see you soon."

She's about as trite in her phone calls as Hikari is. They really are a good match. "Everything alright?" Dad asks, as though he didn't listen to the entire conversation. He never was a good liar.

"Just peachy." Panta rubs against my leg as she walks by, her way of showing her support. "I'm ending this argument tonight."

"Good. I don't like seeing you two fight." Even though they're just standing there, leaning against the counter, his hand drifts over to Kokichi's. I've begun to realize that it's a nearly unconscious movement, easier now that his arm has healed. Thank goodness the wound wasn't very bad.

I cross my arms with a sigh. "Trust me, I don't like it either. I'm just going to come clean about therapy and go from there." It took me a while to come to that decision, but it's the only way to fully resolve the argument. Hikari has nothing to go on once I tell her where I go on Thursdays, and she'll see how ridiculous she's being. At least, I hope that's what happens. I don't want this to somehow get worse.

I spend the rest of the hour fretting and going over exactly what I'm going to say, how I'll bring up the topic at the dinner table to trap her into talking to me. I'd be surprised if she still didn't with nine pairs of eyes on her; it's a different story than when it's just me and Tadaaki, or me and Amanda in school.

It's not too cold out tonight, so we walk over to her house. My boots crunch pleasantly in the snow, still fresh. With each step, my willpower grows. I'm ready. I can do this.

I open the door, take off my shoes and coat.

The first person I see shakes my resolve. A wildcard. An unexpected variable.

Kiibo.

A quick glance tells me that Dad and Kokichi are as surprised as I am, but their lips stretch into grins at the sight of their old classmate. "Kiiboy! You're here!" Kokichi calls right away, practically dragging Dad further inside. My smile stretches tight, strained, as I follow them.

"Kokichi, Shuichi, Mei! It's good to see you!" He smiles right back at us, and like always, I'm amazed at how realistic his face looks.

Aunt Miu slings an arm around his shoulders. "He was in the neighborhood for some maintenance, so of course we invited him to stay for dinner!" She's obviously happy about this, and judging by Aunt Kirumi's smile, she is, too. I always heard that Kiibo was one of their more, ah, helpful classmates.

I excuse myself from the room as they start to catch up. Hikari and Amanda are in the living room on the couch, absently watching an older movie. I sit next to Amanda, since Hikari squishes herself up against the arm of the couch. She's already acting as a buffer between me and Hikari, and that enrages me even more.

Amanda looks over at Kiibo in what I assume to be amazement. "So he's really a robot?" she asks in a stage whisper.

"Yeah." From what Mom told me, his AI develops like a natural brain, though I never really got how that was possible. The science was always more Hikari's thing.

"That's so cool."

It is, and I like Kiibo. He's a good person to talk to, always honest in his opinions. Which, incidentally, is what makes him an unknown variable in what I'm trying to get done tonight.

Tadaaki, I gather, is smart to talk to Kiibo once he and his parents arrive. It must be worlds better than whatever is happening in here. Amanda and I make light small talk, leaving room for Hikari to jump in if she wants to.

She does not. And with every word, I get more and more frustrated and annoyed with her. If I didn't know better, I'd try to shut this whole thing down now. But I take a breath and bide my time. This will all be over soon.

I don't really know how to work my part into the conversation once we're all at the dinner table. With Kiibo here, I almost don't want to. It all seems unnecessarily dramatic, to bring it up in front of all of these people. I steal a glance over at her; she avoids my gaze. She's probably counting on me not saying anything.

"So," I force out during a lull in the conversation. "The concert is next Friday. Who's coming?"

"I wish I could, Mei," Kiibo says, frowning slightly. "I haven't heard you play in so long, but Professor Iidabashi needs my help back at the lab after this."

"The rest of us will be attending, though," Aunt Kirumi says, before turning to Kiibo. "And I'm sure we'll be able to send you a recording of it, no worries." His frown lessened almost instantly.

Hikari pokes at her food a bit. "Not sure I want to go this time."

_What._

I get that she's still mad at me, but skipping a concert would be like me skipping one of her soccer games- which I've never done in my life- or one of us skipping a family dinner. It's unheard of, and I can tell by the shocked looks on everyone's faces, Aunt Miu and Aunt Kirumi included, that she did not talk this over with them beforehand.

"What are you talking about?" Amanda asks tentatively, almost hesitantly. I can tell she doesn't want to get too involved in this, but she's the only one not reeling. "You were just telling me last week that you were excited-"

"That was last week. I just don't think that-"

Tadaaki sighs loudly, interrupting her. "Can you two stop it with the arguing? You're supposed to be friends; act like it."

"Friends don't keep secrets about where they're going and who they're hanging out with," Hikari says. All of the adults, Kiibo included, are stunned silent. It's probably a good thing they are, too, so we can hash this out without interruption.

I need to keep my cool during this part, otherwise I lose credibility. That's something I've seen in a lot of crime-based shows and movies. "Hikari, the only reason I never told you I met Haru was because it never came up. The only reason Tadaaki knew him first- which I know you know, by the way- was because we ran into him when you were on a date with Amanda."

Solid, and true, logic. And I know exactly what her next move is going to be. "Then why didn't you just tell me that you were going to hang out with him on Thursdays? It would've been nice to know instead of the cryptic excuses you gave us."

Us. She's dragging Tadaaki back into this. "I met Haru after I started leaving you guys on Thursdays. A couple weeks after, actually. Look, I don't want to be having this argument either, and it's unfair of us to make Tadaaki be the mediator again when that's all he was growing up-"

"Thank you for finally acknowledging it," he grumbles, but nods in acceptance of the apology. Good, I'm glad we're still on good terms. Our friendship, at least, hasn't lessened.

"Then why were you never there? If it was something so important-"

"Therapy. I've been going to see a therapist for the last few weeks, every Thursday. That's why I haven't been able to walk home with you two. And honestly? It's really helped a lot. Therapy is a huge reason why I'm okay talking about Mom now. I'm not exactly about to apologize for missing out on walking home for something that helps me heal."

There. I said it. And I'm not sorry that I did, though I do avoid everyone's gaze except for Hikari's. She's the only one who matters right now. I just hope I drove the point through.

She doesn't say anything for a good minute or two. Nobody else speaks, either. Amanda catches my eye; she's shifting uncomfortably, looking down at her lap. I know I told her that she should be here, but I do regret having her come to see this. She really loves Hikari, and I don't want her to see anything that would make her love Hikari any less, or put her in an uncomfortable situation, kind of like I just did. Maybe I should've just told her to stay home.

"That was very brave of you to tell us," Aunt Maki eventually says once it's clear that Hikari isn't going to. I appreciate that she's trying to keep the conversation going. It makes it easier for me to do the same.

"I'm sorry I didn't say so before. I didn't think I'd last past one meeting, but it really is helping. More than I thought it would." Hikari still doesn't say anything, her posture stiffening under my stare. "Kari, please, I'm over fighting with you. All that's left is you."

Her hands wring each other in her lap. "Mei, I understand that you need this, and I respect that." Good, we're getting somewhere. "But that still doesn't change that you've been lying this whole time."

I blink hard. "Are you actually serious? Hikari, I apologized for not telling you. I can't change the fact that I didn't tell you about Haru, but it's not that big of a deal."

Finally, she lifts her head and looks me in the eye. Hers are much colder than I've ever seen them directed at me. It wasn't this bad, even when we used to fight. "Friendships are based on trust, aren't they? You betrayed my trust. That doesn't heal easily."

I don't think that was the response anyone was expecting, especially not myself. She's definitely more stubborn than I gave her credit for. Everyone, even Amanda, looks between us with a mix of confusion and disappointment. I'm sure they were expecting this to be easy; so was I, kind of, but I did tell myself that this could happen. I just wasn't smart enough to stop it.

"Okay, then. Let's change the topic, because clearly we aren't getting anywhere right now." I shift so I'm facing the table again, rather than facing her. "Kiibo, how's Professor Iidabashi doing?"

"The professor is fine, thank you for asking." He seems a bit surprised to be put right on the spot there, but I know from experience that he's not exactly the best at reading the room, so this is the best escape route from the conversation. "He's busy training his daughter to take over soon."

Aunt Miu snorts, the argument already forgotten. _Good._ "Glad Kotone is finally gettin' ready to fill that position. I still say that I would've been a better lab assistant in the first place."

Uncle Kaito frowns, looking over at her. "I thought you were over that already?"

"Over it, still mad, whatever." She waves a hand in the air in dismissal. "Eh, she's good enough, I guess."

The conversation continues between the adults, leaving me, Hikari, Amanda, and Tadaaki in the dust. I can hear Amanda whispering frantically to Hikari, but Tadaaki just looks between us in disappointment. His look makes my heart sink; it's times like this that I forget that he's not my actual brother. Still, that doesn't make the disappointment sting any less. There wasn't anything more I could do, though, not tonight. I've done all I can in front of the adults. Now I guess I just have to wait for her to accept my apology for what it's worth.

Tadaaki is the only one who really talks to me, since the adults carry on their own conversation. Even though he still looks disappointed, the look slowly melts off his face. "That took balls" is the first thing out of his mouth, which nearly makes me burst out laughing. "I'm serious! I don't think Hikari saw that coming."

Instinctively, I can tell she's listening to us in addition to carrying on her own conversation. At this point, I really don't care. We're in a close vicinity; anyone can listen if they want to. "I forgot how long she can hold grudges for. I thought this would blow over by now."

He finishes the last couple bites of his dinner. Mine is probably cold, but I force myself to finish. "Whoever said ending arguments is easy was a liar."

Amen to that.

Around dessert, Amanda taps my shoulder. "I'm sorry," she whispers to me under the overlying conversation. "I know you said I don't need to apologize, but I'm sorry your plan didn't work."

I shrug helplessly. "Not much either of us can do, I guess. Don't worry about it, okay?"

She hesitates a second before nodding. "You're right. We have a good thing going; I wouldn't want to leave it on a sour note."

I have to think before I remember that it's approaching Christmas. "Oh, you're going back for the holidays?"

"Yeah. I mean, I haven't seen my family in a while, and Christmas is a pretty big deal in our house." She seems really happy about going back, reminding me that there are only a few months until she goes back for good. "I'm already so used to everything here. I almost don't want to go back."

She steals a glance at Hikari, her eyes a mix of love and...something. But it's clear that she's true to what she says. Despite everything that's happened, I don't want to see Hikari fall back into the quiet shell she was before Amanda. She was still amazing, but I love seeing her happy all the time instead of being more reserved. Not to mention, there's a really high chance of them breaking up before Amanda leaves for good, which of course will leave her heartbroken. I don't think I want to see what that looks like.

Dinner wraps up without another word said between me and Hikari. "That was an epic fail," I sigh once we're on our way home. "I thought for sure she'd be fine."

Kokichi is oddly silent, even though just minutes ago he was laughing with everyone else. Dad picks up his slack. "She'll come around eventually. Just give her some time."

"Right." Honestly, it's almost defeating to hear, but I really hope that he's right about that. I pause for a second, though I keep walking. "I did the right thing, didn't I? Like, she was the one who wasn't there for me, and-" I remember. "She lied to me the next day. She told me that she was running around with Amanda all evening and then went to bed immediately. There's no way that's true; I know her too well." I almost want to turn around and go right back in there to continue this, but it's late and I'm tired.

"If I may give a liar's perspective on this, she probably thought it was for the best." Kokichi's voice is gentle, but still somehow firm. "She felt guilty, and instead of admitting it, she decided to lie to protect herself. I did that a lot back in high school."

I hum under my breath. "The difference is, she knows me! We're like sisters, she shouldn't have had to lie." I sigh, running a gloved hand down my face. "Whatever. Hopefully this is over soon."

X-X-X

The next week feels longer than it should, between concert prep and only polite conversation between me and Hikari to satisfy Tadaaki and Amanda. It's weird. The more she ignores me, the less I care. Even as kids, when we hated each other, we never ignored each other.

I mostly let it go. I need to focus on the concert. It looms over my head, especially once Friday actually comes. "I can't wait to see you guys play again!" Tadaaki tells me on the way home from school. We have about an hour before I have to go back to the school, but I wanted to walk around for a bit first. I'm only dropping off my backpack before meeting Haru in the park to bring him over to the school.

"I think you're going to like this one." I step so I bump into him, nearly toppling him into the snow with a laugh. Concerts always make me feel all jittery and emotionally high, something I need now. Mom and I used to jump around the house before concerts, just because we could. It was always so much fun. "Next one's the big one though. That one will be amazing."

"Like they're ever not." We pass my street, heading right to his house. "Just imagine: you could be a really popular pianist, even better than Aunt Kaede!" A grin spreads across his face, reminiscent of Uncle Kaito's.

I laugh, trying to imagine that. "Yeah, right. Nobody is as good as Mom was. She was the Ultimate Pianist, don't forget."

Tadaaki laughs and shrugs, dragging his feet to make tracks in the little snow there is left. I hope some stays for the holidays. "That system made no sense and you know it."

Maybe. I couldn't list on both hands how many theories I've heard about the school's shutdown. The two of us and Hikari came up with at least half of them, years ago.

I drop my bag off after we get to Tadaaki's house. I slip in my earbuds and put on some of my favorite tracks. At the forefront are some holiday-centric instrumental tracks Amanda forwarded me. She's got a solid week left until she leaves for the holidays, and she's only gotten more and more excited. Christmas really must be big in her house for her to be in the mood already.

Haru's already at the park when I get there, right in the middle of a track. I pause it and slip the earbuds into my coat pocket. "You're late," he says with the hint of a smile. Aww, he's trying to look stern! And failing, but whatever.

"You're early. You're gonna get roped into helping us with last-minute adjustments." There's a reason Tadaaki doesn't come early with me, which I failed to warn Haru of.

"That's not that bad. I'm just excited to hear you guys play. I never really went to my school's band concerts, but now I have an in with someone." HIs grin now is just as mischievous as it was the first day I met him. That's a constant with him, it seems. I like that constant.

"Well, hopefully you're impressed. If you're a good audience member, I may just let you come to the March concert. I've got a whole entire song to myself then." The practice has really been paying off on that one, thankfully. The more time passes, the more emotion I can put in it, just like I used to be able to. I'm still not up to par with Mom's recording, but it _is_ up to my skill level.

His eyes shift over to me as we walk. "Wow, didn't know I was in the presence of a master pianist."

I laugh, nudging his arm with my elbow. "Yes, you did! That was the first life detail I shared with you, remember?"

We joke the whole way there, just like Hikari and Tadaaki and I usually do. It's not like he's a replacement for Hikari, not by a long shot. But maybe I'll be around him more until Hikari cools off; I'm really only friends with her and Tadaaki apart from Haru, after all.

The time leading up to the concert is a blur, especially since this is the crunch time for nerves. I can barely imagine how nervous I'll be before March's concert if I get nervous for these concerts. We never get an audience before the concerts, so I'm always afraid that I'm going to mess up. Although, even if I did, it's not like anyone else is going to know. Still, I'll feel like I failed, especially with how much I practice.

We wait onstage for the program to start. I see Dad and Kokichi sitting in the audience, right in their usual spots. I almost forgot that everyone is usually in the same seats. Before I can stop myself, I look to where Mom used to sit. Haru smiles at my dads as they talk, and I'm almost put at peace. It would be a much different story if someone I didn't know was in Mom's spot, but with Haru, I don't mind it as much.

Tadaaki and his parents filter in soon enough, taking up their usual spots. Then Aunt Miu and Aunt Kirumi. I watch Amanda come inside and sit down near them, looking worriedly at the doors. Is Hikari coming or not?

I'm forced to look away before I can answer my question. Mr. Honda comes onto the stage to introduce us, and we start our program. I actually don't have a part in this first song, but I still watch them and applaud anyway.

It's in between the first and second songs that I steal a glance back. There's no gap between Aunt Miu and Amanda. She actually came! And even though I can't talk to her right now, I know that this means that we'll be okay. I knew we would be, deep down. We always are.

This next song, I recall, is on one of Mom's CDs. I'm dedicating this one to her in my heart. I can't believe I've somehow managed to live a couple months without her. I thought for sure I'd be a literal mess for the rest of my life. I'm so glad I'm done crying; Mom wouldn't want that for me. Everything Miaya ever told me was right; she's still living on in my heart and memories, which is one of the corniest lines I could've been fed, but it's also one of the truest.

Mr. Honda puts up his hands and gives us a count of four. I place my fingers on the keys and play.

_I love you, Mom._

X-X-X

Kaede sat in her car, not moving it from it's parked position. Mei wasn't going to be home from school for a while, so she had the time she needed to process everything. She didn't want to risk driving with this fresh on her mind.

She only went in because she hadn't been feeling good for longer than colds or the flu usually lasted. She'd been exhausted every day, no matter how much sleep she got. All she was expecting was a medication to help her stave off whatever bug she'd caught. There was no way in hell she expected the news she received instead.

Oh, god… What was she going to tell Mei? Erika? Shuichi? All of her friends? She ran a hand through her hair, leaning over the steering wheel. For once, her car was completely silent. No music streaming out of the speakers like she always had. She didn't want to think, but she had to. There was no way around this.

It took her a while to straighten her posture again. Whatever happened, she had to keep the mindset she always had: facing it head-on with a positive attitude, or as much of one as she could have. She didn't want to leave Mei and her friends and family, but at least she had some time. She had time for everyone to adjust to the idea, time for her to spend more time with Mei.

She waited until she got home to call anyone, because she knew that the moment she said the words out loud, she would start crying. Especially since Erika was the first person she would be calling, and she knew that Erika would start crying as well. Learning that your twin sister was dying would do that to a person.

The door opened and shut. "I'm home, Mom," Mei said with a half-smile. Kaede looked up from her lap, hoping she didn't seem too worried. She had to stay strong for Mei. She just had to. "How'd your appointment go?"

That question. It had to be that question. She wanted to avoid it as long as she could, but of course Mei asked. She was the one who suggested Kaede go to the doctor in the first place. Seeing her inquisitive look...Kaede wasn't going to see her grow up. She wasn't going to see her graduate, or go to university. The thought alone almost made her start sobbing, but she had to hold herself together until she was alone.

_Mei, I love you so much. I'm sorry I'll have to leave you._

**Author's Note:**

> I got this prompt on my tumblr a while back, and I've gotten quite a few headcanon requests ever since. I really fell in love with this AU, and thus this story (and these fankids) were born. I hope you all stick around for the ride, and please don't forget to leave a review, as those go a long way in boosting my motivation. Thank you so much for reading, and I'll see you all soon with the next chapter!


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